Screw whatever other people might think. It simply doesn't matter. You're happy, your wife is happy, your child will be happy. That's all that matters.

For us, it is the exact opposite - we decided we didn't want to have children. People keep asking why not, and try to convince us that children are sort of a must have in our age. But you know what? Screw them - our lifes, our decision.

Let's just say I know someone who went through this.

She was born while her father was old (mid to late 40s). She took care of him well into his 70s.

When he passed away, she was in her 20s, she developed communication skills way beyond anyone I know. She is super kind, knows how to communicate with everyone (young or old), and patience is one of her strong points.

She is absolutely in love with her dad till this day and never thought of the age gap. She has a lot of fond memories of him and how he treated her. Which brings me to the next point.

If you do decide to have that baby, make sure they grow up to be the happiest, and make sure someone is around to take of that child after you just in case. My friends dad passed away without leaving much money, but he left her a number of good people to help her when she is in need.

She got married, left the country she grew up in, and started a new life. Yet, she still travels back to her home country on a yearly basis and visits his grave.

At least you want the kid and are self aware. That's more than some people get.

The fact that you're asking has already answered the question. You're only five weeks in, and already you're showing more care for the child than some get through their whole childhood. Your greatest gifts will be love, wisdom, patience, understanding and a safe harbour when seas are rough. You'll do great, and I'm cheering you on. All the best for the pregnancy to come full term.

No, you’re not a bad person for this reason, not at all.

Are there challenges or downsides? Yep. Are you prepared to face them? Sounds like it!

My dad was 44 when I was born; my mum 41. So while that’s not quite as old as you are, I still want to share some of my perspective.

The bad: I’m in my 30s and it’s hard watching them age. I find myself frequently connecting with coworkers 10 years my senior as we bond over the realities of caring for aging parents. I also lost all my grandparents mentally by my mid-20s and physically when I was 30. Given my dad’s current health, my nephew (as I won’t have children myself) will never know what my dad was like with all his faculties and may not really remember him much at all depending on how much longer my dad is able to stick around. (P.S., please make good choices about your health. As a parent these choices don’t only affect you.)

The neutral: My partner is 11.5 years older than I am, yet my parents are older than his (barely, but technically true). Did they have less energy to play with me as a kid? Maybe? I can’t say and honestly it never felt like something they lacked.

The good: And yet I also have parents I know wanted me and were mentally prepared to have me. I have always credited their age and maturity when I was born to a lot of my own maturity, including why I so easily get along with people of any age. I have said hundreds of times throughout my life that I’m grateful my parents waited until they were ready to have me, and I stand by it. They have been amazing parents and even if I have fewer years with them given the timing, I will cherish it all because they were much better than average at raising me.

The one concern you didn’t mention is that higher paternal age is associated with an increased risk of a number of negative outcomes, including things such as premature birth, chromosomal abnormalities, and autism. You didn’t name this as a concern but I think it’s worth being aware of, but I don’t think this should change your mind given how much you want a child. If you were on the edge or weren’t certain if you could care for a kid who has a slightly higher than average risk of having special needs, then I think this is worth factoring into your decision.

Hopefully none of this has scared you off because you’re already showing the maturity, consideration, and love needed to be an amazing dad. Good luck, and congratulations!

Life gives you a second chance at being a dad

Take it

You'll be a great dad.

A bad person? No, absolutely not.

The problem, if there is any, would be general health and fitness, preventing you from doing some things. But that's you, doesn't mean your child can't do them. E.g. idk skateborarding. That being said, in many cases it's an attitude problem, if you exercise regularly and stay healthy and are really putting in that work that you know is good for you but maybe put off, you can make it work.

Forget the perceptions, you can't change how other people see you.

Congratulations on becoming a parent!

My wonderful mother had her last child when she was just over 50. My brother was unexpected, but she has stayed healthy and active and he's now one of the more "successful" of the siblings.

If the child is wanted & you have the means to support your family, that's what matters!

or that I won’t have the energy to be a good father

If you truly want to be a good father, then there's your energy right there.

I had my last kid when I was 48. It's great! My knees and back are slowly seizing up and he can pick things up off the floor for me while I get things down from high shelves for him.

Don't feel bad, you want a kid so of course you are happy. With just that you are already a better parent than many.

There will be some challenges, you might struggle a bit relating to the kids world.

Major tip i have with technology/games is do it together so they can learn context from you as events unfold, and they can show you what they actually do with(in) it, helping you assess its value/actual risks.

I am pretty sure you make up for most challenges by general experience in life though, major challenge for young parents is you need to figure out everything for the child while still trying to figure out how to adult.

As long as the kid is healthy and you can provide: Who cares :)

Is that where we are now? We are so beat down that we are asking for permission to be happy about something?

Congrats and good journey!

They are all valid concerns. I was 21 when I had my first kid and there were different, but equally many concerns. As a basic rule I always say " it's never a good moment to have kids". Meaning, if you want kids and you've thought about it well, you'll find a thousand excuses not to do it, because it's scary and life changing. But in reality it doesn't matter. It's not hard to raise a child, but it's hard work. As long as you put your child first, you'll be fine and you'll always find a way.

My wife and I had the same conversation, my argument was "Do you want to be 70 and trying to pay for retirement AND college?"

Then again, college might not even be a thing in 20 years now...

I have a friend (my age) whose dad was about your age when she was born. He did die when she was fairly young, under 30. But my parents had me young, and I lost one of them only a few years after my friend’s dad died, despite being decades younger. You can never guarantee you’re going to be there ‘long enough’ for your kid, no matter what age you have them at.

Just do your best to be a good father, good parents are all any child could want. I've seen so many younger people with kids that they don't look after, so maybe age isn't the only factor of importance.

I also have a friend who had an older dad. They had a very good relationship. Lots of good memories. The only time this friend mentioned that the age gap was hard, was when their dad died quiet suddenly at the age of 80, when my friend was only 21. An age were you still rely on your parents more than you would like to admit. The friend was sad that his father didn't met their new partner and didn't see their career. But apart from that my friend was very happy to actually have a dad.

Here's my point. I have a couple of friends that grew up without dads. They didn't care about their child when the relationship ended. I also have 2 friends whose young parents died when my friends where in their twenties due to diseases.

So I don't see why you shouldn't be happy about your child and have a good life. Sure you might me available to them shorter than other parents but that can happen to younger parents too. Also you might be lucky and get 100 years old. No one knows. With a loving dad your kid will have more than other kids.

Just try to go with the time a bit or at least not to judge the new times to hard. My mum never was good with computers and smartphones and instead of admiring us "children" (i am adult) for what we can use them for, she's often complaining about us using them. No matter whether its for learning a language, reading newspaper or playing games. Things like that might occur more often when you have an larger age gap but when you are aware you can fix it easily.

Enjoy it and really, congratulations!!

I've been the young dad at school and now I'm the old dad. There are 21 years between our youngest and oldest. I wasn't quite your age when we had our happy little accident but I'm so happy to have him and it sounds like you are too.

I'll offer one piece of advice and that is to start looking after your health if you're not already. You're going to want the extra, high quality years with your kid that good diet and exercise bring and being fit really does help with the parenting adventure (in my experience anyway).

Enjoy the ride! It's so much fun. I'm really happy for you.

Teach your kid to use their blinker, pay their taxes, and that they aren't an island. Even if they think it's only them who will be affected by their decisions; it will affect everyone they know. And as long as you do that I'm good with you doing whatever the hell you want to do.

Nah. Although it's not ideal, parenthood is not about that. Some families have no father, some have no mother, etc.

Congratulations!

I don't know why you'd think anyone would think someone in your position is a "bad person". Yeah you're old and so what? It is what it is, life doesn't give the same opportunities to everyone so you take what you can and do the best you can and that's what you're doing.

Why would it make you a bad person? You might live to be 90 and you could have 40 good years with your kid. There are young parents who die young as well, so I don't see how that would be a problem.

If you’re doing right by the child, fuck everyone who is hung up on your age.

I’ve wanted children since I was 14. I finally had my first child less than three months before I turned 40. Sometimes life takes its time.

I’ve always been a “late bloomer”, and if there’s one thing I learned along the way is that there is no specific timetable for living life. It’s your life, and you do things how you want; fuck those Jones’.

Also, congrats! Being a dad has got to be the best thing ever (albeit frustrating at times 😂). You’re gonna love it!! Get yourself a copy of The Happiest Baby on the Block, and start practicing your swaddling. It’ll save both your sanity later.

Dude go for it. It's best you'll ever feel.

50 isn’t old, if you take care of your health and are lucky enough to not have a degenerative disease. So just stop that nonsense line of thought. You will barely be a typical retirement age when the child reaches majority.

I am sorry to hear of the tragedy that opened up this new chapter for you. Yet, it is a new dawn, a new day! You have miles left on your journey.

Shit in old. My kids are less than 10.

I'm the same age as you, you're fine.

Please be aware that you are a high risk father. Sperm ages badly. Sorry to burst your bubble.