The classic "OK boomer" still gets them angry, if that's what you're after

"Interesting, may I see?" And when they hold their wrist up to you, inspect it closely, then lick it, make some faces like a wine connoisseur, shake your head and say :"It's fake" turn around and disengage.

"I don't have a car"

Heh, amateur hour. Let me show you my watch.

"Ok?"

Serious answer:

That's cool. What makes it special?

Sometimes people talk about how expensive something they own is simply because they're proud that they could afford it and even when they're being tone-deaf, there's no benefit to getting offended when you could just move the conversation along instead. (Although you might have to listen to them talk about watches.) If they were trying to brag, now they're stuck trying to explain why the watch is actually worth what they paid and you're the one judging them.

Cars (and watches) aren't so expensive that a middle-class person can't plausibly already own the one he would buy even if money was unlimited. You can act like that's true about you. My status-conscious former mother in law was bothered by the fact that I owned an old car, but when she would bring it up I would just say "I really like the 2008 model." She couldn't argue with that.

Sounds like you got ripped off

If you need to point out the watch and explain its value, you've already lost.

All these comments are trying too hard. The only two options are "OK?" and "that watch?"

Verbose disses only work in rap

"Well, the jerk store called, and they're running out of you!"

You see this? This is called a "smart phone." Not only will this tell me the time like your watch, but it can also do a bunch of other things. I can look at pictures of raccoons wearing silly hats or I can use it to insult someone on the other side of the planet. It also cost a fraction of what your watch cost. I'm sorry to tell you this, but I think it should go and get your money back. It sounds like you've been scammed. As a matter of fact, let me give you my friend's phone number. He's an accountant, and I think he'll be able to help stop you from making stupid purchases in the future.

"So?"

That's the response you want. Complete andutter boredom. You don't care. Their entire personality is built around a weird little status structure and if you don't buy into their hallucination they lose their everloving minds

"that's a lot of money for such an ugly watch."

Does 0 to 60 in ONE minute! It's garbage.

And it tells the same time as a $5 Casio, but it's heavy and gaudy. I guess money can't buy taste.

"I don't have the habit of looking at other people's watches. Thanks for pointing it out, I guess, I might have otherwise missed that detail entirely."

(Biz-bro mind cannot comprehend this)

“Ok”

The statement is to set them apart from from you and to display power. So you could go with something like,

"Shit, they still make you buy your uniform when you rich eh. Some things never change."

But more elegantly. Reassert that they are subject to others' power/approval and relate to them to assert that they're no different from you.

"People with true value don’t need trinkets to convince others of their worth."

"Not everybody knows how to make the best use of their resources."

"Unless it has a button that stops time, you paid too much."

What kind of dumbass would spend that much on a watch?

Why the fuck would I drive a watch ?

"How fast does it do 0-60?"

See this casio watch? Still more accurate than whatever the fuck watch you have

Look of confusion "Does...does that make you happy?"

-or-

"Was it worth it?"

"Wow, you're really shit at bargaining. They really took you for a ride!"

You paid that much for a watch that looks like you steal from your grandad?

A classic that always makes people like this angry is the good ole, "Anyways, [Something you are casually going to do today or did yesterday]- " and a hand wave to dismiss the statement.

It infuriates them lol

"what?"

"I'm sorry I didn't catch that"

"one more time?"

"ok. thanks for letting me know."

Do you say shit like that because nobody can tell the difference between your watch and a cheap one?

I guess it's true, money can't buy taste.

Fun fact: Alec Baldwin's character was invented for the movie to provide exposition. The filmmakers didn't trust movie-going audiences to pick up the information from the three conversations that occur at the beginning of the play.

"Okay?"

I am not a friend of clever comebacks. People who point these things out are pathetic and people who get triggered by that only slightly less so.

Sorry I'm not into bracelets

A shame, such a tasteless choice. If you had as much class as money, you'd have chosen something like a vintage 1960s submariner rather than a frivolous toy available on every high street in the world.

"Nice, but I kinda prefer the newer model from the spring catalogue. The subtle off-white coloring. The tasteful thickness of it. Oh my God, it even has a watermark."

laughs gently and sighs

"This is a six ounce cup of bath water from a YouTube influencer..."

"It's certainly a nice looking piece of jewelry"

"It's not my fault you're stupid"

"So, you're both rich and stupid"

If only you had learned to tell time.

Holds up wrist sporting a Casio F-91W "Al-Qaida"

Big deal... This watch also costs more than my car.

Yeah, but can your watch drive you to the store ?

"Didn't ask"

get really really enthusiastically interested in the watch. ask for details seem super impressed. massage that wealthy ego to the point of basically a blow job. but then just like keep going. see how long you can keep the topic on that one specific watch. don't ever let him talk about anything that the watch means or about the dynamic he tried to establish.

optionally, loose interest and leave without ever having let anything be said that wasn't about the watch. this is how you weaponize autism against egotists.

"I wouldn't want to paint a target on my back like that. Did you hear about Chesterwick's son getting kidnapped while backpacking in Burma?"

“Common sense is a flower that does not grow in everyone’s garden”

“Your watch cost more than £100?”

"You should have saved up a bit more and bought something less gaudy"

Damn thats a cheap watch, is it Chinese too?

Man, it is a shame you can't buy class because you could use some.

"I don't get my happiness from material worth."

“What kinda mileage does it get?”

“Cool, I went to the bar with my friends last night. What did you do?”

“Can you get me some more water?”

I think the really wealthy old-money people would never say such a thing. Because such a thing just wouldn't occur to them. And if someone said that to them, they'd just kind of smile and nod the same way they would to a toddler. Maybe say "Ah, yes, very good." So that's probably the best response.

But if I were writing a screenplay and had to come up with a one-liner I'd probably go with, "Just goes to show you can't buy class."

"mine was 5 bucks at goodwill, sounds like you got scammed, sorry"

"Cool story bro. Needs more dragons."

"that's cute!"

I'd just start laughing and point at them.

good, maybe you can sell it to buy some human decency then

"that's so sad"

But realistically probably nothing, someone like that isn't going to care enough about what you think to be affected by what you say.

"and yet your dad still don't love you."

"Does it keep better time than my 15 dollar digital Casio? Is it sturdier? Will it last longer? Is it more comfortable? No? So you spent a ridiculous amount of money to buy a less functional watch made out of precious essential materials just to try to impress people like me?"

Honestly though, if you want to piss watch people off, just say "Oh, it looks just like a regular watch, thanks for pointing it out".

Do have some other investmentadvice I shouldn’t heed?

Grabs machete
Thanks for showing me where to find it. /j

"Good for you. Have a cookie. My $20 Casio tells the time just as well."

That's quiet an expensive way to look cheap

So you are fiscally irresponsible and you are proud of it? Good to know…

“I don’t mean to victim blame, but I try not to look like I’m worth mugging.”

I have friends.

And I have the same watch, but paid $25 for it on a market in Cambodia.

A new London bus costs around £300k, so whilst is plausible that the watch cost more than my 'car', it's a pretty stupid way of spending that amount of money...

Woow, what does it do?

• It tells time.

Nothing else? So does my car.

I wouldn't even hide that watch up my ass.

"Yes, your fancy jewelry is very pretty. Good job."

Edit: after I stopped laughing, of course.

A lot of replies here still wander into sounding mad imo Instead, I would fake not getting the insult and just make them uncomfortable by saying something like "Wow that's cool :D" and then just move on. Sort of like when you acknowledge a child doing something dumb but they're so proud of it you don't want to ruin it for them.

"What's your point?"

What is it for?

Fool and his money.

don't. make a "oh poor guy" face and move on. he wants you to engage, to be angry, if you don't he will be mad

My car was a present, any watch costs more than my car

I can afford not to have a watch.

Will your regular charge you half price when she doesn't see you wearing it?

Your pathetic status symbols only show how anxious and insecure you are.

"Was it meant to make you happier? I'm not sure it worked."

steals his watch

"and i have a piece of cardboard thats worth more than your watch" whips out a charizard

"You got it wrong, expensive watches dont go faster"

Quite a low bar considering that I don't need a car of my own.

"Oh, well this gun costs less than your watch, and yet: hand it over."

That's cool, but MY watch has a Tomagachi living in it.

• Your clock stopped. (Looks at the clock)
• No it's still working.
• You are bald on tip of your head I saw it when you were looking at the clock.

When I was at school, the kids would say, "my dad's shed is bigger than your dad's shed". But that was a long time ago, and we each had a child's view of the world. Most of us grew up.

"You got ripped off"

That watch salesman really ripped you off then.

I couldn't care less.

"What a horrible financial decision"

"Oh, you could only afford one watch?"

Smile and say "it's very pretty".

'I can think of many better uses for the metals in that watch.'

Bragging is lower-class behavior

So being rich is a fairly new thing to you? What are you gonna do when you get used to it?

Ok, and what's your question?

this movie, glengarry glen ross, was so fucking good. definitely worth a watch if you enjoy watching masterpiece acting. kevin spacey is in it though (his acting is great he just sucks as a person)

neat

You still use a watch?

I feel like owning expensive stuff like that is non optional for the very rich. Those who answer things like "my phone already does that" do sound poor. They don't buy it because they need the time. They buy it because it looks nice and is expensive.

I think I would make a disgusted face and say something like "really? It doesn't look like it. What brand is it?"

"Okay and does it tell the time?"

I have people who love me.

neet

Either dishonest affirmation or "That's nice, buddy" and touch his shoulder.

With people you might need later it's the first option, the second if you want to piss off narcissists.

The doom-slab in my contains rocks forced to think with lasers and it's cheap enough that I can lose or drop without shedding a tear. And you know the best part ? It tells time 3 orders of magnitude more accurately than you watch.

Good for you man, that's a really great watch 😊

Sad little men like that are most hurt by you not being offended by them. It's like with internet trolls; non-engagement is the best weapon. It also happens to require the least amount of energy or time. So easy, but so devastating to their ego.

K

This isn't a car

Good for you, why should I care?

What time is it?

'nice watch!' then move in and quietly say "oh, hey, it looks like your barber missed a spot back there"

"Big deal- I also have a small cock."

No wait I wanna change it to "I have a small cock too, but nobody can tell just by looking at me"

"your wife is still sleeping with the pool boy"

You gotta understand this proving your worth by buying ridiculously expensive shit and then bringing attention to it is an attitude of "new money"

Rich people who have been rich for generations will have the same time piece but they will not even think about it. It's granted to them, part of their life that they would never question. Like you putting on socks.

And that is the attitude that new money cannot understand. Hell that's kind of what the great gatsby is about, new money just not getting that the expensive shit is just more furniture.

So the most frustrating thing to this mindset is to treat it as no big deal, or even weird that they would bring it up which really it is

Shoot the man.

Jokes on you, with the deferred maintenance, my car has negative worth.

Just smile non-genuinely and say "Sure."

Can your watch play Bad Apple?

Can your watch run Doom?

Can you install Arch on that watch?

...

... didn't think so 😛

You paid all that money for a watch that can't do ANY cool stuff? You utter loser 🤣 🤣 🤣

Barf in his face.

Cool. Anyway...

Realize you mistakenly spoke to a Baldwin and walk away

"Wow, I guess you really CAN'T buy taste then"

I don't have a car

That's how they'll know whose assets to liquidate when the world wakes up.

Cool story bro

Compliment it and remember that the guy is an asshole lmao

"Oh, am I supposed to kiss it?"

"My wealth is in stocks"

Has this one done it? or how many such watches in do you get to be happy?

"Hey what time is it? Im suppose to meet up with some friends later."

Imagine not being able to tell the time by just looking up

I think I made the better choice.

Such frivolous spenditure will rot your money. Decay of your father's fortune and your child's kingdom. Begotten by weak flesh and temptation, coward from strength.

Even the homeless know to not show your power before you speak, or your trades will be levied against you.

-"What time is it?"

"It must be so tedious being bound in the literal shackles of time. Worse yet to attach ones sense of manhood to their own enslavement. Even moreso to celebrate it with an even fancier manacle... I'm going to go enjoy a coffee. I'll be back whenever I'm done."

Tell him I still banged your mom tho

Anyone who spends more on a watch than a car has poor money management. Fuck, what a waste. There's no way any watch is worth more than $1000 other than for clout which is stupid.

Does your watch get good milage?

Great! Does it help you with not shooting people as well?

Yes, but do you have brass balls?

So you could have donated that money to a food bank or homeless shelter and gotten a tax break. Or you could have just kept it and invested in dividend paying stock, but instead you spent it on a watch that tells you the same time as my $20 watch?

Yao_Ming.gif

I eat them.

My phone is more accurate

Nice.

But can it djent?

"Sweet that means someone in need could get a car!"

"Timex?"

Can you go careening around twisty mountain roads with the top down with a 6 speed manual stick with that watch? No? I'll take my Miata any day. Good luck with your time keeping.

"Sweet that means someone in need could get a car!"

Sad as fuck that you need expensive set pieces to maintain the facade of your self worth. If I were over here wearing a Timex I'd still be fine with who I was. Would you?

"Fuck outta here with your garbage little trinket. Rolex as a whole, doesn't come anywhere NEAR the big three in any capacity, so go get yourself a real watch and I might be impressed, because all you've shown me so far is your have more money than taste...*

I mean it's one car, Alec. What could it cost? Ten dollars?

I can read digital clocks faster.

Oh cool. Mine is made out of wood and leather and cost ten bucks. I've had it for two decades and my dad had it for four. It's really comfortable and loses a second a decade. How's yours do?

You spend this much money for a watch that can't even turn a deer into roadkill? Your loss.

Last time I gave a fuck was when I were with your wife

"Cool; I'll just take it right over to the pawn shop then"

"Oh that's cute, does it have a Spring Drive tho?"

So you like to waste money?

Why would I spend money on a depreciating asset? My money works for me.

“Why would I own a car? Our public transportation works fine. Or a watch, since I can already see the time from my mobile phone.”

Smile really big and start laughing. Maintain the smile, maintain eye contact.

Why would you own a depreciating asset that is that expensive?

Calling someone a fairy is a quick way to win an argument

"So instead of feeding hundreds of hungry children, you decided to get gaudy jewelry that tells everyone you're a greedy cunt?"