Time to crack open a cold one.

No, no. This is accurate.

No, I don't think I will

= No

P. Sherman 42 Wallaby Way Sydney

That's what a room without an elephant looks like according to AI

Hi!

Sexy losers is GREAT! What a deep cut.

Well, that's one way to stop someone from jumping.

This man fucks

Sounds like you just don't know how to satisfy 🤷‍♀️

So do the tears. ...wait

If you're at that point, often, repeatedly... unless you're with an Ace, your relationship is either over or wholly performative.

Probably best that you realize that.

IMO, consenting but unenthusiastic sex is worse than none, you should both have more respect for yourselves and either talk out what's really bothering one or both of you, or just admit that you don't even like each other.

The sort of converse of this is that if you do actually want to have sex with someone, but tell them you don't, or never directly say yes... yeah you need to learn how to communicate directly instead of vaguely through extremely non objective innuendo.

I like it when she rolls her eyes

murder?? what kind of sick predator do you take me for?

i'm a scavenger thank you

Well, we weren't going to, but now you just did.

Thanks OP.

Where my shroom coomers at

Id say hesitating yes require a proper confirmation. If the person doesn't look sure to you, ask them ?

Yeah I've been sexually violated in ways like posts like this are usually about (coerced and pressured past my "no"s into situations I didn't want) and while I respect the effort, I feel like they're often in a weird position of overzealous and only really applicable in hookup type situations, they also often ignore more manipulative styles of pressuring a yes.

Hesitation is fine, but it may be good practice to double check if the following yes isn't enthusiastic. The yes is often less important than the enthusiasm in early stages. I've had wonderful nights of tongue wrestling where we never asked, we flirted until it was clearly mutual, and in one case we were hesitating at first because we were both not super comfortable with the age gap (we talked about it after). And we were both drunk, because there's a difference between consensual actions while in an altered state and taking advantage of a drunk person, and that difference largely comes down to enthusiasm and being in a similar state. If I'm one beer in and generally feeling fine I ought to turn down a shitfaced woman who's hitting on me hard, but if I'm right there with her that's fine.

And in long term relationship6s I think the need for enthusiasm reduces. Sometimes you put out when you aren't really in the mood because you love your partner and value the intimacy. That's not being sexually violated unless you were pressured or coerced.

Consent is a discussion that requires genuine nuance, and checklists will always come off as far more clunky than most people's lived experiences with it.

There are also a multitude of reasons to hesitate that aren't "I want to say no but am afraid of saying it". Such as stunned silence because he or she couldn't believe someone so awesome wanted to have sex with them. Or confusion because it was loud and they misheard the word 'sex' as 'sax' and was wondering where they could possibly get one of those at this hour.

Also, auditory processing disorder. Give them a god damn minute.

If it's not "Gee golly willikers, yes! Yes! A thousand times yes!" with stars in her eyes while she's farting rainbows, then it's a no. /s

They would have done better to make it more about talking someone into it or pestering them than about "hesitation". Maybe "reluctant" would have been better.
Sometimes people need to do a little internal status check. "I had a headache all day, am I not feeling it or would it be a fun alternative to ibuprofen?"

No

https://lemmy.world/comment/23825694

Lol on my -5 and the +24 on the link. Smells like hypocricy in here.

Yeah, as an alcoholic, I don’t think every sexual encounter I’ve had in the past decade or more was mutual rape.

Came here to say this

Good catch, wtf

Any fleshlight in a storm

I used to go to church at this cult and people are weird. There was this kid there (he's okay now but like, we all grow up a little twisted) who was always making jokes about putting peanut butter on his nethers and having his dog lick it off. One day someone must have reported the jokes and that was the last time (thank gods) we heard them, despite months of telling him that was fucked up.

Some people think animals can consent, it's just "non-verbal". Best you can get is sometimes you'll have to restrain (or drug) an animal in heat less. In reality, that's like if pedophilia was okay if the child was teen and extremely horny, in reality teens are more often targeted than pre-pubescent kids, and they also groomed with sexual and/or romantic favors.

ostriches have entered the chat

Yes

That's right, dead tired of not going to Itchy and Scratchy Land

But only if the person has consented to it during their life. Some people are now arranging things, so that necrophiles can have one happy moment in their life at least "the proper way", some allegedly going even further and letting their bodies to be preserved for sex purposes. While it makes me go "eww", at least it's not something like parents letting pedophiles to rape their kids, not the animal stuff, etc..

Bribes are given as a form of coercion, if it's legit sex work than no bribe is given and both parties are consenting. Just giving someone money or good in trade for a service isn't a bribe.

Is considering sex work generally non-consensual a SWERF thing? I’d guess most people who think that don’t at all want to exclude sex workers…it’s not a criticism of sex workers. I also don’t think it precludes that some people might not have a coercive experience with sex work. Im sure there are plenty of people selling feet pics on instagram and feeling great about it, and maybe that's fine...but I don't think that's the norm!

Maybe I’m wrong though; I don’t intend to be a swerf, but I do think sex work is generally non-consensual. Most paid work is probably non-consensual on some level but I think sex kind of has a special place in non-consensual activity.

Sex work is obviously something many people feel forced into. 73% of sex workers have at least one disability; maybe they feel they have other options, but it looks like that's not most people's experience: https://www.ctvnews.ca/vancouver/article/nearly-3-in-4-sex-workers-live-with-a-disability-rare-bc-report-finds/

Depends on. If it's someone who actually wants to do it, then it's not a bribe. However if someone doesn't want to be a sex worker gets money (or workplace promotion, toys, candies) offered for sex does constitute as bribing.

SWERFs love specific instances, so probably.

Even an enthusiastic yes from a child is still disgusting and criminal

Must be fun being an incel slopper on lemmy, isn't it?

That is... how consent works.

Twist: Its the same guy after tanning, weight loss, roids, and plastic surgery.

Yes

This chart is good for hookups. In long term relationships you can negotiate things like asleep and inebriated while sober or through long term safe sane and consensual escalation. Then you get to enjoy things that are hard to enjoy ethically with a stranger. Hell in most kinky contexts most of these are yes and are replaced with a safeword for "no" but you need more trust for that than you can muster with most strangers.

Yeah going to have to call bullshit here. First of all a retroactive no is not something that is a chargeable offense. Most SA goes unreported and only a small fraction of what is reported is ever investigated and even a smaller amount is ever successfully prosecuted.

She said he said is usually ignored by the police so it never reaches anywhere close to what you seem concerned about. Not only is this backed up by statistical evidence, as a social worker and a person whose had the privilege to talk to many women about this I can attest that only a couple out of hundreds ever got any justice.

The whole lives ruined thing is a misnomer that is born out with tons of men in power who never get in trouble. You hear about a few cases of men being held accountable and somehow extrapolate that into a common occurrence. It isn't.

You can even look to POTUS who is an epic rapist still walking free after thousands of SAs in his lifetime. The Metoo movement turned out to be a sad joke with only a small handful of men in power successfully prosecuted. The backlash against the Metoo movement has been epic though with police, prosecutors, and judges all ensuring that justice will never be served.

If you don't feel that any women would ever consent to have sex with you without changing her mind later, you are welcome to that opinion. Considering your mindset I would actually agree with you here as consent is less about yes and more about caring for another person.

On the other hand, if you get to know someone and build trust over time and they like you in that way things will happen naturally. I am hoping that you experience this if you are open to it. As you said it, it really is that simple.

So you're saying that when you have sex with someone, you don't know if you're raping them, but you will find out later and that's normal?

Have you ever had sex? And if so, for how many have you been convicted?

No, if a person doesn't want to do something and the other person does something anyway, that breaks consent that second.

Consent can absolutely be decided immediately. But as the situation changes, consent can too. You might've been ok with safe sex, and said only "yes" assuming that was the situation. Only to then find out there never was a condom and now you have a greatly increased risk of pregnancy or disease. That consent is now revoked, and retroactively. That isn't a case of "lol too bad you said yes."

That's the "joke."

I don't really care about the hill you've chosen to die on, but I will sit here and watch what happens.

If you can adequately prove to me that the animal understood and consented then what happens between you and the goat is your own business.
It takes more than enthusiastic participation: it also requires the ability to appropriately conceptualize what's being consented to. It's why drugging someone and then using their enthusiasm as consent doesn't fly, or why a 13 year old can't consent to a relationship with someone much older than them.

A goat understands goat sex well enough that we all generally agree they can consent if they're obviously into it.
A goat does not understand interspecies sex well enough to consent, regardless of their interest or arousal.

At best your claim is that sometimes it's closer to "statutorily raping" an animal, commonly known as "rape".

So put the horse back in the barn before you let the horse out of the barn.

Mr Hands?

I don't think anyone is arguing that animals have no understanding of consent, I think the issue is that there's a communication barrier in dealing with humans (I.e. they can't say 'yes')

Zoologists have a pretty robust understanding of rape and consent within the animal kingdom, but it's always through observing interactions between animals.

WAT

So....

Most of our domesticated species actively and wilfully participated in their own domestication in one way or another, because they realized that hanging around humans was good for their survival. Especially cats. They were basically unchanged and never selectively bred past "hey my good mouser had kittens, you want one neighbor?" up until about 200 years ago.

Animals can absolutely tell you "fuck right off I do not want that right now," but they can also be trained to tolerate a lot against their own wishes (i.e. veterinary procedures) Which...... Don't use that against them just for your pleasure. That's sadistic. And gross.

Add in that most female animals do not engage in sex for pleasure, barring a select few species that should not be kept as pets, and you have your answer. Don't be gross. Keep your deviancy to yourself and your chosen, consenting, adult, human partners.

Idk how porn brained you have to be to conflate owning/training a pet with raping animals and whether this a shitpost or you actually think you cooked but approximately 0% of your comment holds any actual logical meaning

Don't fuck animals dude.

You need to be sprayed without consent.