Absolute insanity
13d 17h ago by lemmy.world/u/ickplant in cat
the jewelry is the least important thing about being married.
I think my spouse and I spent... $80 total on our rings. Seemed like a waste of money to both of us.
That was us. Our wedding bands were about that all in, and I got their engagement ring for about $125.
I think everything we did for our wedding, rings included, was around $1500. The majority of that was booze.
Good on you, when I hear how much people are spending on weddings man. Over 50k is "normal" to them? We put our money to a down payment. Much better use for it.
Our venue was the porch of a friend of ours. No wedding halls or anything. Whole guest list was maybe 30 people, only friends, no family. Just small, intimate, and amazing.
Sounds wonderful!
We didn't do rings. I worked in a chemistry lab, husband has a skin issue and wearing a ring would probably mean nonstop doctor visits.
So we just didn't have rings. It's really very simple.
I just really hate the feeling of wearing rings.
If I was ever to get married (I won't), then I wouldn't have a ring.
I agree with you, but I'd say it's a 50/50 toss up with women. Half of them would agree with us. The other half are too busy planning a 300k wedding on a 15/hr salary. Those types sometimes care more about the ring than the partner.
I know a lot of women who would be thrilled to be proposed to with a cat.
In the past, I've also known women who would be sour that they didn't get a ring. I try not to know that type of person for long.
Those types sometimes care more about the ring than the partner.
I have heard of them, "he hasn't proposed yet so I left him" kinda thing. That guy was probably happy with things and completely unaware she expected anything to change.
I do find it odd that when I have looked at posts about it before the vast majority of weddings seem to be super expensive or super cheap. Very little in the middle. Like 3 digits going to a pub for food or 5+ getting fucking everything.
We were sort of in the middle? Wedding dress was a prom dress from Debenham's (70 quid), Edinburgh registry office, a few friends, 1 brother and the parentals. Afternoon tea at the Balmoral. Not cheap but not 5 figures either.
Ohh that sounds like a nice idea. Much smaller event but something nice.
Not sure how much of my family would go, they are spread across different corners of the UK. Meanwhile my partner's family is all packed into an area I can walk across.
We had a reasonably priced wedding and then went to Scotland in our honeymoon. One of the best trips I've ever had.
Honestly, propose to me with a new Akrapovic Slip-On exhaust for my Hornet 750 and a small ceremony near the water in the country with a moto camping trip as the honeymoon and I'd be in biker girl heaven.
Could get away with the whole shebang for under $10k
To be fair, that exhaust probably costs as much as most wedding rings anyway lol.
I see that you have impeccable taste.
Bike go vroom, makes the happy brain chemicals :)
Thinking that 50 percent of women are shallow gold diggers seems a bit high. There are plenty of men who have superficial feelings about how they want their wife to look, but it's nowhere near 50/50. Usually those gym bros and trophy wives pair up so they're not really hurting anyone normal with their expectations.
Personally, I wear a silicone ring. So does my spouse. Our rings for our wedding were a hand me down and a band with a non diamond stone. That said, it's fair to want a ring. It's fair to want the tradition, and it's fair to be comforted by the idea that your partner has been thinking about asking you to merge lives for longer than just today. A ring used to mean more when women weren't allowed their own bank accounts (actually very recently, in the scheme of things), but it's still meaningful in a society where we're taught (incorrectly) that men value non commitment, and don't want to get "chained" to a "nagging wife."
Funnily, it's guys who make comments like you (that it's a total toss up whether any woman has an ounce of substance to her or if she's a total bimbo who only cares about money) that make women afraid that men are not going to fully commit which is why things like a big unnecessary time commitment before the proposal seems romantic and reassuring
men are like that more than women
I agree, but also, if you can't afford a cheap ass ring, you probably can't afford a pet. It doesn't need to be something fancy. If you care about that tradition (not implying the person in the image does), you can get rings pretty cheap if you don't need the whole diamond thing, and even cheaper if you're willing to buy second-hand.
Surely a second hand wedding ring must be cursed or something right? Why was it available in the first place? Did they die? Get divorced? Lose their hands and or fingers in some fetish play gone horribly wrong?
Better to just avoid the whole situation and get a cat.
Some people would probably pay extra for that last one.
Huh. I don’t think I’ve seen a band where the drummer was the singer before.
That's very close to what my wife said when I sent the same link to her.
On the internet, nobody knows that you’re a dog their wife. (Joking. Or am I? :P)
Smart. Easier to say 'no' to a shiny rock, hard to say it to a kitten.
She could say no, but she won't. Because of the implication.
"We both know that this cat only lives if you say yes"?
Nah, unless you're as dumb as a rock, no matter how shiny, this is not a question you ask unless you're 100% sure of the answer.
The circumstances of the proposal are meant to be the surprise, not the answer.
22 years of marriage here. Never bought, given, or worn a diamond in my life.
Marriage rings are a marketing campaign created to sell you a piece of carbon that is so "rare" they put them on $12 drill bit sets.
Yep. Yep. Different quality stones. Gotcha. Interested in buying a bridge by chance?
Carbon is the 4th most abundant element in the galaxy. Silicon is twice as rare, so maybe spend 6 month’s salary on a quartz ring instead? Either that, or save up for a down payment on a house. Nah, who needs a place to live when you can have a hunk of mineral, right?
If I’m spending 6 months salary on silicon, it better at least run Doom.
How much for the bridge? I would need a guarantee though that it's actually used and not just buolilt on flat land in the middle of nowhere! I am no fool after all.
Silicone band to not interfere in workouts
$3
10 years, 1 child
natural diamonds, are indeed rare, in part because of the marketing campaign driving up demand for an completely useless use of them
They really aren't, De Beers just had a cartel on the diamond industry and artificially restricted the supply to drive up prices. They have massive deep storage vaults filled with gem quality diamonds just so it can maintain pricing.
Gem quality materials are overall "rare", but among gems... diamonds are practically common.
Yeah I'm not that far into marriage and I swear someday I'll get around to getting a nice ring, but I currently wear a silicone one and my wife wears an heirloom ring from her family.
noo but they didn't pay a significant amount of money to the diamond industry!!
Won't anyone think of the slave owners?
De Beers is de upset.
They'll release De Bears on him!
It's the capitalist tithe
It's ok, they'll pay the same in vet bills.
That he can't afford it is a stupid assumption imo, this looks like a deliberate choice. Being responsible for raising and taking care of a kitten together is a much bigger commitment than wearing a ring.
Meh, it's all fake af probably but the initial post says he was couldn't afford a ring so if we're going with it then yeah he is poor in this hypothetical.
Guarantee you that cat will cost more in the first year than a ring from a fancy jewelry store
Cost? Yes.
But WORTH! Also YES!!! 🐈
You severely underestimate the cost of jewelry. And every cost also multiplies by 400% if you put the word "wedding" in front of it.
And every cost also multiplies by 400% if you put the word “wedding” in front of it.
In some cases, you can get around that by just not mentioning the whole 'wedding' thing.
And the ring is one of those cases. Just go to the jewelry store, pick one out, and never mention what it's for. No reason for any price surcharges -- a ring is a ring.
In other cases, though, you really shouldn't take such shortcuts. That is, if you're particular about how you want your wedding to go.
Take the florist for example. For a regular (regular price) order, if you've ordered 100 yellow roses for the table settings, but they're out of yellow roses, they'll just substitute in 100 white roses instead and call it a day.
But if you're particular about 'your special day' being perfect and you must have the yellow roses, that's when the florist needs to know that it's for a wedding, specifically. And no matter what happens, they'll do their damnedest to make sure you get the yellow roses you ordered, no substitutions. And that extra mile of effort is what the 400% price surcharge is for.
In other cases, though, you really shouldn’t take such shortcuts. That is, if you’re particular about how you want your wedding to go.
Photographers is the classic example of where you don't want to cut corners. Even if you cheap out on rings, you can always buy different rings later on. You only get one day to get the photos you want.
Wedding kitten as well?
Yep, the vet has a 4x charge to treat pets that are symbols of marriage
Oof, I'm glad we went to a local silversmith and had her make some basic, silver bands. She was great and probably didn't realize we wanted them for our marriage.
Go to Amazon and search for "Cubic Zirconia ring". Find one you like and order a pair in the appropriate sizes. If you want something less traditional, drop this cubic zirconia part if the search.
That can easily get you a pair if wedding rings for less money than I spend every year testing my cats' poop.
Sure, but you can also spend 15k on a ring. On the other hand, you can also spend 15k on a kitten.
I can never tell when someone is just arguing for the thrill of it or if they're genuine...
As someone who's had five dogs and three cats + been married, divorced, and remarried pets cost more just in terms of money. I bought real wedding bands & engagement rings from a proper jeweler for about $1,500 USD per ring. On the other hand I spent between $1500-3000 in vet bills alone for almost every pet I've adopted just in the first year; not to mention the toys, food, etc that comes along.
I suspect you're gonna say "oh, well some people spend tens of thousands on wedding bands" which is true, but those are also the types of people who spend five-figures on purebred pets and doesn't apply to the average experiece.
Wow, either your pets have been extremely unlucky, or you live somewhere VERY expensive. Considering those are dollars, I can guess it's a probably at least a bit of the second.
My Dutch vet has a "kitten package" which is 550 euros for spay/neuter, first year of (three rounds of?) vaccines and one seperate checkup. I probably spend something like 500 euros on food/grit per cat. Maybe a bit less, it's cheaper if you have two. That doesn't include complications of course, or food/toys.
On the other hand, my wedding ring doesn't exist because neither of us like rings, so it's never going to beat that.
Why would it matter if you can't afford jewelry to get married? If this were at a time where the husband is expected to be the sole earner, that could be a problem. But this is 2026. He's working, she's working, and getting married will not change that.
If anything, his and her individual financial burden will decrease by getting married by combining their finances and sharing bills, if they aren't spending stupid money on diamond rings, big weddings, exotic honeymoons, etc. They'll share a home, utilities, online subscriptions, etc. That will save them both money. If they can afford to live individually without luxuries, they can more easily afford to live together, maybe with the occasional luxury.
Stupid take.
Thank you.
Marriage is simultaneously promoted because it saves money due to sharing expenses and often (but not always) tax benefits, but also people don't have enough money to get married. Wut?
The ring and wedding itself might be expensive, but they are also optional.
My father took my mother with to pick out her ring. She insisted on a smaller diamond. He wanted to buy her a larger rock, could afford it, but my mama was thinking about running a household. As newlyweds, they added a room to the house, bought a brand new washer/dryer set and paid off a car.
I hate these made up headlines.
I saw that when i was like eight years old and apparently you're the only other person in the world who saw it because nobody acts like anything on the internet could ever be fake
Yeah but also there's the "nothing ever happens" crowd and they're equally as annoying.
I think in this case it's a bit irrelevant anyway, the financial situation is irrelevant but clearly he is proposing in clearly he does have a kitten everything else is immaterial really.
He could just be giving her a car, no?
It was the only cartoon that was on the minute I got back from school. With 4 channels available it was this, Bargain Hunters, some soap opera or the news.
Arthur was not very funny or particularly interesting, but it sure beat out the alternatives.
The theme tune has been stuck in my head for 30 years...
Arthur was amazing even if maybe yeah Arthur himself was a mediocre character lol but the other characters are pretty much all excellent
"Man going to eat kitten in front of his succubus goddess wife to proof his devotion"
That is going to be one very very rough pet passing in 1-2 decades
And likely a treasure trove of memories that both celebrate their cat and symbolize their relationship once they deal with the worst of their grief and can enjoy the positive feelings again.
It's weird to fixate on the eventual death of an elderly cat when you've fully neglected to mourn all the furniture that kitten is going to massacre
Could you imagine being so shallow that the only thing that's important is spending a lot of money and not having genuine love...
It's not shallow, marriage is a government sanctioned contract. If you two have genuine love then the government sanctioned marriage doesn't matter.
"Marriage is a government sanctioned contract"
It can't get more romantic than that. /j
And a ring isn't necessary for said contact.
At least in the US the marriage contract gives a massive ton of legal access to shared things, discounts, medical decisions, and a bunch of other stuff. You can kind of come close by spending a bunch of money on legal documentation, but still not exactly the same.
Fuck all that noise man, not interested at all
Normalize not buying useless $2000 USD pieces of junk that starved children in Congo had to dig with bare hands, just to marry your soul mate.
Grab her with the pussy.
If a man tried to propose to me with a kitten I think my brain would short out from joy at getting a kitten and I wouldn't hear another word out of his mouth. I'd totally miss the actual proposal and just be delighted at the kitten.
I got my first cat when he was a kitten and the moment I laid eyes on him my heart melted and my brain turned to scrambled eggs and 10 years later I still have the exact same reaction every single time I look at him.
"And this is how I met your father."
Can confirm. Am struck by egg brain every time I see my little guy Wulfgar. So. Freakin'. Cute.
Wulfgar is an amazing name for a cat.
He, uh, lived up to his namesake as a kitten lol. Feisty AF.
At first glance I honestly thought she looked horrified because he was interrupting her on the toilet.
"Nice beaver, here's a cat."
Too bad they have to divorce when the cat dies.
Just put the cat in a box with a radioactive substances. Scroedinger's marriage.
Schrodingers taxes…
Marital status: both
marital status: yes
That is good news. I've lost two cats (ages 16 and 18) to kidney disease, so I'm glad to hear there's some progress in that area.
Maybe this couple could have a happy marriage for 25 or 30 years if this new treatment can keep their kitten's kidneys working.
A ring is cheaper than vet bills.
Yeah, I’d agree. I have 3, and they’re little love bugs. But man, the vet bills can be a hard pill.
A little data point on the whole marriage thing... I and my life partner have been together for 20 y, will be 21 in September. We never got married and we don't have any rings. I keep hearing that a lot of marriages these days don't last this long.
We do informally call each other "my wife", but still, no formal marriage was ever done.
The only reason marriages lasted longer back in the day was because women were essentially indirectly forced to be with men. The whole bank account thing in the US is a really good example of how screwed women were. There were a lot of very long marriages that were deeply unhappy.
Nowadays, women get at least some amount of freedom to choose their partners and hundreds/thousands of years of men not having to actually be good people has meant that many of us are lonely and blame the women for having some standards. Good communication and mutual respect go a long way and those are the marriages that last these days.
* my partner and I
I really hate those pictures that just show some randoms with a sob story. I always feel that they are totally fake.
(and if this is true: You can get cheap wedding rings. You do not have to pay thousands of money for them. You can get a cheap ring and that does work, too. Feel free to propose to the human you love even if you can't afford some expensive ring)
(You also do not need a ring at all.)
Well the tagline is bullshit editorialising, yeah.
Especially as diamond rings are costly to purchase, but have relatively low resale value.
Buying her a diamond ring only shows you have money to burn.
I bought my wife's engagement and wedding ring at a pawn shop. Fuck the superstitious bullshit. Probably saved $5k
Buy resold maybe?
Apparently the idea of poor people getting married is too woke for Julie :P
what happens when the cat dies, contractually?
Ritual suicide.
Same as when you lose a wedding ring. Get (in this case, adopt) a new one.
The wife or the cat?
yes
happy polyamory noises
You get a new, similar-looking cat and pretend nothing has changed.
respect to whoever censored the handles and not driving eternal hate to Julie every time this meme gets reposted. Also I didnt realise proposing with a cat was an option this is getting added to my proposal consideration
Cat is gonna cost more in the long run.
The cat is also going to be worth more and give you more in the long run. 😻
Harder to pawn off in 20 years.
Also true.
I think she said “yes.” And Julie sucks.
Shes crass but Julie knows her priorities, the woman in the picture knows hers too I'd hope. Or maybe both are gullible or irresponsible, who can say. Cats are super neat but (ethical) jewellery is neat too. Marriage isnt for everyone but it's nice to think of the people it brings happiness to.
What's Julie's number?
❌ proposing by giving the person a ring
❌ proposing by giving the person a pet
✅ proposing to be the person's pet
:3 (lore accurate :3 users)
Don't let your dreams be dreams.
i need a suitable person tho
Any bowls a goal.
doggy bowl with my name on it? :3
While a cat will cost more on the long term, proposing with a kitten seems like it would be nigh impossible to turn down. Who says no to a kitten? I don't believe it has happened in recorded history.
I would totally marry that kitten
Do they have to get divorced when the kitten dies (of old age obviously)?
A cat can easily cost as much as a pretty ok wedding ring.
You're kidding, right?
There are always cats available to adopt and way too many end up being put down when they aren't eventually adopted. As a result, most shelters charge as little as they can get away with while remaining solvent and regularly have discounts on adoption fees when they are getting too full.
This is less of an issue for young kittens, but there are still always kittens available, especially in spring/early summer ('kitten season").
Edit: It just occurred to me that you're probably thinking about buying a kitten from a breeder, which can indeed be expensive. Almost no one does that. They adopt a cat or get adopted by them.
I mean food, litter, vet bills, scratching posts, cat trees, the bills add up.
Those are not upfront costs like a wedding ring is.
I think they're thinking more about properly caring for the cat. Wherever you get them, you still have costs for spaying, vaccination, food, toys, and you need to be prepared for medical emergencies. Over their whole life, a cat will cost much more than a wedding ring. Not considering that cost because the kitten is "free" is just plainly irresponsible.
There are always cats available to adopt and way too many end up being put down when they aren’t eventually adopted.
Not for cute little young kittens, though.
Kittens are always in higher demand than adult cats. You can often (but not always!) find them available for 'adoption', but those 'adoptions' often come with hefty 'adoption fees' that basically amount to a sale anyway ... especially for young kittens, again because of the higher demand.
Sometimes those 'adoption fees' are justified because it's a way the shelter funds food and medical care for that kitten and other animals in their care. Paying a $50 adoption fee for a kitten means the shelter has $50 to spend on taking care of the next animal in need. Not just food and shelter, but also vaccinations and spay/neuter operations. Other times, though, it's just a more morally acceptable way of selling animals ... especially used on platforms that ban sale of animals but allow adoptions with 'adoption fees' -- tons of that on Craigslist, where you're not allowed to sell pets, but you are allowed to list pets for adoption, including whatever 'adoption fee' you want to ask for.
I spend $2,000 a year just on one of my cat's prescription food, they're expensive af even if you find them for free it's hundreds of dollars in vaccines and stuff for the initial vet visit.
Those are not upfront costs like a wedding ring is.
Ok
Now i‘m not sure about cats, but for dogs i’ve seen them cost a lot, even in the first year, and even if you don’t consider adoption. between taxes, health insurance, and equipment you gotta get, you can spend a lot of money very quickly. ofc you can also go with the cheapest options, but then sth stupid happens and your dog has a 4k trip to the vet in year two, and insurance won’t cover shit.
tldr: I’ve seen dogs get very expensive very quickly.
It's hilarious that you completely spaced the ongoing costs of having a pet here.
and the kitten is going to end up in a shelter or abandoned once they break up.
That look on her face is "I thought you were my gay bestie, what?"
This is just the movie Big Daddy but with a cat instead of an orphan.
If he can't afford a $200 ring, how can he afford to take care of a cat??
is a wild.
Why wouldn't they use the toad as the mascot? Instead they use a cat, an animal that has caused the extinction of multiple species?
No no none of this adds up at all.
Maybe they are actually against conservation and all for extinction.
The average woman these days is even more of a wild
Okay but why would he want to marry her? Maybe she has a trust fund or disability benefits he wants to mooch off.
Julie's right though, marriage is a contract a financial commitment. If you don't have much money there's no point in getting the government involved in your lifelong partnership. You can have a wedding and all that if you want for cultural reasons, but if you're submitting that paperwork to the government it's just a waste if you're poor. Hell, im middle class and we still aren't getting married because our taxes would go up, so yeah i dont need a government contract telling me i have to stay with my partner or something.
Honest question, where are you that taxes go up if you get married? In most places I know, things get more tax efficient when you're married. You can typically transfer assets (or debts) between each other without incuring the taxes you would if you weren't married, and you can make more efficient use of tax free allowances.
Taxes can go up in certain circumstances in the U.S. Examples would be things where certain deductions are not doubled for married couples, or if a single person could itemize but then uses the standard deduction if married.
These situations generally won't apply to poor people though.
We happen to make basically the same amount of money so the married tax brackets hurt us rather than help.
No.
How do taxes work in your country? I've not heard of a tax burden increasing before due to marriage
None of this is correct.
How does nobody get this? The commenter isn’t saying “proposing without jewlery is wild” she’s saying “two people so broke they are making commitments to each other when they can’t even afford to spend some money on a simple tradition that’s been around for generations.” It’s the not being able to afford it part she is referring to not the jewelry itself
Edit: obviously yall are idiots and someone else can explain it better than me if they want
I encourage you to look at the price of engagement rings and wedding bands, homie.
So in her opinion poor people shouldn't get married or have relationships? That's some rather odd gatekeeping.
If we ignore the useless traditions around marriage and won't feed this overpriced industry. It's completely possible to get married rather cheaply and it will not effect the marriage.
I'm fairly sure that this particular marriage will last longer and be much better than many of the ones that spend completely insane amounts or even worse go into dept to get married.
i found a stunning ring on etsy that only cost 400 (the most i can spare for now)..there are options, and diamonds are overrated and i dont trust the "ethical sources" claims that big jewellers give
Only costing and triple digit numbers don't go together in the same sentence.
Marriage is just a legally binding contract, there's nothing special about it. We don't spend significant amounts of money when singing a NDA or employment contract or even just clicking "agree" in the terms and conditions contract.
it is special to my partner so i am going to make it special for her
The generous take might be that they're just being realistic and blunt about marriage: historically and even in many modern social contexts, marriage is more an expression of resource security/stability than an expression of love.
It's not how we like to talk about marriage--the motivations, values, and ideals that make marriage meaningful... But sociologically, security/stability typically plays a pretty big role.
Who says they're broke
We do get this, but we have differing opinions.
on a simple tradition that’s been around for generations
It's a stupid and pointless tradition impulsed by a marketing agency.
I get what you're saying but also, shouldn't poor people be allowed to get married if they want?
It's really inexpensive to get the paperwork done at the courthouse.
Like, why try to gatekeep love behind physical wealth?
Poor people can do whatever they want the point is if you can’t take care of yourself then your can’t take care of your partner and you shouldn’t promise anyone shit until you can afford to keep yourself alive after spending some money on jewelry
I think you're taking a huge leap on what in all likelihood is some made up shit that not buying a ring = not able to care for one another.
Anyways, I hope your day is going and goes well. Take care.
You don't have 1.5-2k to drop on a fucking metal band that barely announces that you're married? Shouldn't be getting married, then.
What a stupid take.