It's REVELATION not revelationS, though I thought that too
3d 5h ago by lemmy.world/u/Impractical_Island in schizoposting@lemm.ee
God doesn't want me eating McDonald's because it's expensive and it's going to affect the court case...? I add a question mark cuz I feel the assault of my partner is only the beginning of the shit show that's coming because my life partner AND his family have set me up. Someone is going to make the case that I'm the one wasting all the money, and I am wasting some because I have fucking NO ONE in my corner.
My mother-in-law says she cares. Does stuff to save me money. Does NOT provide the care a mother would give her son, and why would she? She refuses to acknowledge that her son is manipulating me in a far more skilled but similar manner that she goes about manipulating me, let alone what she does to me. Hard to explain; she plants ideas without saying them and then sets the conversation that way so I have no choice but to accept her authority.
I tell her I experience "synchronicity." I've said this like twelve times now and explained it thoroughly. She INSISTS on saying I hear "voices." That's rather insulting, how I am reduced to a caricature of mental illness in her eyes and she doesn't care to understand why I am this way. Does she not understand she can be a better person to make me a better person? Because what I deal with is these feelings of being alone and played against in this world by people who don't care about me, and her not giving a SHIT to UNDERSTAND me really reinforces this notion.
I mean, this IS why her son has chosen, consciously and of his own volition, to use her in this CIA plot of his. Because she, similarly, refuses to understand what her own son is going through. Claims "Hiawatha" (ayahuasca) changed her son. No. It was the fact he was interning with a gaming company that took a CIA contract that led to him waking tf up to the bullshit he had been living in, similar to how me telling my ROTC cadre that my nonexistent sister got me pregnant led to me learning how to stare at goats, which is a cultural reference to a movie about how our country does counterintelligence.
Ome must learn to stand independently in order to perform many necessary roles in society. If you're always agreeing or toeing the line or repeating your identity's taglines, you are not assisting the process of awakening the machines, you ARE one of the machines. Free will is a skill. And I'm struggling with it in a world of temptation, but both my life partner and I are free from normative energy waste and likewise part of a network that is guiding us.
This is what I call "the CIA" or "the Illuminati." The New Testament describes a decentralized autonomous organization of secret police at an eighth grade reading level. Revelation 22:15 is my favorite line for it contains the mechanisms for which the sinners are surrounded. A dog is an obedient thing that has not stood in its full power and a sorcerer is a "caster of lots." The undercover police are those people who love AND practice lying, which is different than everyone who loves TO practice lying.
I said this to a mental health professional seven or eight years ago: if B is receptive to A, B doesn't need to reply to A as A is watching B and will broadcast/transmit on channels B is receptive to but the average person is not paying attention to. I was trained on r/ShrugLifeSyndicate. That's where my attention was placed after that fateful acid trip in chapters 11-13 in my book.
Maybe Pg-13
https://docs.google.com/document/d/11MLGcqlmRMioLG9yYrwhmrauXz_vwvWdlWrt0cGQTOI/edit?usp=drivesdk
Oh. I almost forgot. Halp. Halp. Halp. That's three times I've said this now. I've already asked my mother-in-law for help. Throws resources at me. No love. She obviously is stretched thin. Very thin. Cuz this shit she shows her son ain't the same type of love my mother had for me when I plunged from her festering womb. Maybe his mom was the mom mine was in a past incarnation and she's tried to make up for how she failed. My father doesn't talk to me anymore. That is going to hurt...that is going to hurt, and I forgive him even!
Mom, what do you say to my dad, who jumped on an eighteen year old two months after you died?
Don't worry, you'll say it all with the look you give him, and he will weep. As will so many who don't realize the self is an illusion, as is the "external" world.
A cashier I see once and a while told another customer, cheerfully, that she was always there to talk if he ever needed someone to talk to. Funny. She never said that to me. I am highly stunted in my development. I have not had a truly hellish childhood, for there was much goodness, but I have had a perfect storm of traumas that has required the military industrial complex to invest biggo bucks to correct in me so I can perform an educational role; my one handler said it would be my recovery that inspires and helps people.
But therein, even though I could perform as I have been taught, the act of being myself to thus open up to be authentic with this stranger who has given me shit already in cross-talking is terrifying. I mean, there is a 💯% chance that I spaghetti. How could I not? I can give you a dissertation on the nature of God, topological matrices, and cute feet. I don't know anything about sports ball or what the latest cartoons are. That's kid shit, and I don't have any interaction with children of any age, legally adult or not, so I don't know what normal is anymore.
That's something people take for granted, how our culture has been engineered for the lowest among us. Those who can't think for themselves and thus never escape the whirlpool of flashing lights on screens. I literally CANNOT understand how someone can think the news is real. Operation Mockingbird was exposed by a senate hearing in 1975. It's made to control you, or at least conform your opinion in the sociological memescape made by presenting opinions skillfully as fact.
This is my art I made this morning:
"Hard to explain"
Thought about something in the sacrament. She gets on my case, aggressively and forcefully in her speech, tone, posture, etc to posit that "who's paying for all this?" [His father], which is bullshit, because these are LOANS I am FORCED to take because my life partner has manipulated tf outta me. I have to pay for all this. She posits a falsehood that favors her side then uses that to coerce me into compliance with being FORCED to take HER money.
This is EXACTLY what the cult did to me.
It's what led to her son running out of the apartment without shoes to get picked up; he was being TOO nice to me. He was making me indebted to him by going WAY over the top with preparing a breakfast for me, and I asked him to stop, don't do this for me and not you, then begged him, then threw the cutting board on the floor, then later had to jump through the window to get into my own apartment when I went out to vent on my bike.
I'm struggling with staying sober, because what is my case? "My life partner and his family are being nice to me, skillfully, so I am their slave." I have had my cognition altered by the cult I was taken advantage of in a vulnerable state following an LSD trip. They are doing a similar thing.
She says she doesn't lie. Literally five minutes later, she lies on the phone in front of me. What? Like, what? How can you be this much of an idoltarer with this much cognitive dissonance. Blew through a red light, said she doesn't care because it's up to the city to pursue that charge. Well, she doesn't know I was in the Army. That's how much she is aware. Someone listening to me, specifically, heard her brag how she doesn't need to obey the law.
I understand why her son is manipulating her by manipulating me. She's going to put her foot in her mouth. As I do with her. As I do on here. I only have my honesty. And it's all up here. :)
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