most perverted men are actually very vanilla and run away when faced with a perverted woman
1d 8h ago by lemmy.world/u/did_you_find_violets in lemmyshitpost
Men have unique insecurities that are a result of socital expectations. We gaslight ourselves into conforming to a certain expected behavior. Many, if not most cishet men are afraid to explore their sexuality beyond that which is considered the heteronormative standard. Men are victims of the patriarchy as is everyone else.
Yep. I find the major thing holding me back from most kinks is exactly that; insecurity.
For what it's worth, you're not alone.
Wow, this community is a whole lot more supportive than I expected
The posts are shit... The advice is lit...
I'm glad to hear you say that. I hope you enjoy Lemmy. Welcome!
Everyone here speaks the universal language of shitposting. It would be irrational not to support each other!
Being good at sex is kinda gay, though
/s
As a cishet man, much to the contrary - the vast majority of my sexual insecurities come from shaming of my sexuality from more left wing spaces.
We have porn for that. Which is 90% only for males.
My guess: A lot of "Perverted" men think they are perverted because all the girls they've talked to so far have gone "eeeew" when they mention anything like a blowjob.
They have then concluded that they must be perverted for wanting to try such depravities.
my guess: for men, even little things such as seeing boobs (especially in real life) is “taboo”/exciting. so their idea of “perverted” is pretty tame.
Yeah, for many of us, the experience of women wanting sex is rare. All of those "I have a headache tonight" jokes didn't just fall out of the sky. And, the expected retort to that example is, "obviously, you're not very good at it, then," which reinforces the idea that sex is a competitive event that a man has to develop his skills at in order to be allowed admission, rather than a collaborative activity for the enjoyment of both partners. Under that model, stuff which he enjoys and she doesn't is "perverted," and lots of us men end up thinking we're some grotesque deviants for wanting.
There's a lot of women who cannot cum when their mentality isn't perfectly aligned which means when they don't feel themselves they don't want sex.
For men sex is generally more stress relieving and affirming so when they are not feeling great they want it more.
Also women have "responsive desire" where unless they are approached and engaged they never even think about sex.
This creates a lot of marriage wreckage I've seen.
Also these "jokes" come from the long history of women having to marry for status/stability instead of being able to think about their own attraction.
which reinforces the idea that sex is a competitive event that a man has to develop his skills at in order to be allowed admission, rather than a collaborative activity for the enjoyment of both partners
This is a false dichotomy, because, based on the conversations I've been party to with my friend group (which includes a number of aggressively poly women), a lack of skill can and will make it harder to gain admission. Lack of skill can make it unenjoyable for the other party, which can absolutely gate your admission.
One of my casual partners in my friend group will semi-regularly reference a former short-term partner who was rather well endowed but didn't know how to use the equipment he had. Lack of skill is what caused her to drop the partner, and I've heard similar conversations with other AFAB friends.
I'm sorry, you're saying it's a false dichotomy but then immediately just supporting their entire point. I don't really know what you're trying to say but it feels like trying to sweep under the rug the difficulties men have
For what it's worth, I'd call that a failure of collaboration, rather than losing the competition, assuming she communicated what works for her in some reasonable manner. I mean, I'm assuming that they wouldn't dump an unskilled man who's open to improvement?
AFAB = All Friends Are Bi?
It's too similar to ACAB for me to come up with anything else.
Assigned female at birth
Thanks!
That's kinda the same no? For the most part, the taboo is not one that the individual has created, it's a societal thing. The same society that creates women that are grossed out by the mention of a blowjob creates the man who freaks out when he sees a boob.
Uh, seeing boobs is exciting.
We can also see this in the pop culture, like the perverts in cartoons (i talk for japanese ones, since they are what i watch more often) are usually rappresented as the ones that get excited over a pair of boobs, a bit of skin etc etc
a self proclaimed kinky guy told me that me rimming him is “too much” for him. wdym too much that’s super basic😵💫
I can understand someone drawing a line between the playground and sewage facility when it comes to putting things in their mouth... But that's not really the same on the receiving end.
I'm going to want to kiss the person I'm fucking and if their mouth has been on an asshole I'm not going to do that. Sorry, it grosses me out and it isn't as good as using it on my dick anyway.
bidets
i assume you pee from your dick so does this boil down to a ranking of bodily wastes?
Yes? Shit is infinity grosser than piss. I want nothing to do with it near my face.
even then faecal bacterium still clings around after washing it.
Next step: Grab the strap-on.
I would be okay with the strap-on but not with rimming. As another reply says, some people just don't like the butt-mouth combination. I'm one of them.
I mean as a woman, I'll gladly be beaten, I play with electricity and fire, and I've been in the leather community and power exchange scene most of my adult life, but rimming will take some convincing
Really?
OK then, let me convince you - after a previous bad experience I just stick to the outside, where it's easy to check everythings clean. You can even make cleaning the area part of the play.
If you tie down your sub with their backside in the air, and reduce their senses with a blindfold, hood, or whatever, it can be a very very intense sensation for them. Plus, it can be a surprise, especially if mixed in with more harsh forms of play. I've never bothered with consent for rimming just on the outside, assuming they've consented to traditional s/m activities.
I put my partner in a hypnotic trance, crossdressed as a witch, “brewed” an aphrodisiac potion, fed it to them and then myself, cast a “spell” to freeze them in place, then fucked them with a tentacle that I “summoned,” but I can’t be kinky because I’m not a fan of applying lipshit. I’m glad you know what you like, but I think it’s good to recognize that kinks are by definition often very specific, and there are therefore so many different meanings a person can have when they describe themself as kinky. If someone tells you they’re kinky and the first thing you do isn’t clarify what kinks they have, that’s a communication issue, not something to shame them for. You don’t even know if they’re into shaming at that point!
Thank you, was going to respond with something similar.
We don't yuck others' yums, but we also shouldn't yuck their lack of our yums. Being kinky is not some linear progress bar you fill, it's an incredibly varied spectrum of things that may or may not make us tick to any degree.
To that effect, as with Jaycifer here, my play is mostly mental - the physical stuff matters less, and things like rimming aren't even on the invite list.
So gtfo here with all that "if you don't like this then you aren't kinky enough" shaming bullshit. Because it comes in so many forms, and that's the awesome fucking part.
Haha hilarious that your responses confirmed your thesis sadly. Eating ass is default in 26 y'all.
Also the dudes who say " i'm can fuck all day, everyday!!", then they meet a woman who can actually fuck all day. They will be looking like the Creepshow ghoul by weeks end.
Women: can get off 7-10 times in a row
Men: busts once, needs an hour and a Gatorade before they can go again
Ahh, when I was younger I could do unspeakable things.. now I just want to sleep
The REAL fun is when you force orgasms on her until she's begging you to stop.
afaik it is allowed to use other appendages
Right? I had a friend quote "I only got so many mini mes swimming in me" and I was like dude, sex isn't over just because peepee go limp.
Women get quite sore down there if done poorly and even with a great foreplay and plenty of lube, it'll still get sore.
While i could go again in an hour, once she stops? It's GG.
Well, you gotta build up some jet fuel to cum again. If you were to mpreg them with some pegging you'd see recharge times quickly rise as they reabsorbed the cum for fuel
My bad, it's my fault for having eyes to read this
Bro took bro science to a whole new level.
The ones that didn't fucked their own spunk out of her and were less likely to reproduce. This is a whole rant... But basically the male penis is designed to scrape competing sperm out of a woman. If you're ready to go again rapidly you make it harder for your genes to pass on in prehistory.
I have no interest in passing on my genes, the world's not ready for them.
The right amount of various amphetamines though...
Better invest in quality lube.
Me: has fingers
Once? My record is like 4 (listening to power metal). Though at some point they start merging together so it's hard to count them
There's an entire meme category about it
Matching freaks is hard.
Kink is a spectrum, and I haven't been exploring it for a few years, but from what I remember, the various communities of kink are always mismatched.
There are always more straight-sub-men than there are straight-dom-women. This compounds when you realize that usually those sub men are looking for certain types of play that the doms aren't into. Dommy mommies and such.
Like, I think of the feminization community. It's hard to find people who like feminization, but DON'T also like cuck play, or race-cuck play, which to me is gross but is a major aspect of that community for many.
Non-binary and Lesbians seemed to do okay though. At least in my city.
As a straight dom male, I can tell you that the inverse is also true. Straight sub women routinely want me to do stuff that isn't BDSM and is actual abuse. I blame the 50 shades of grey series at least in part for that.
For sure. All of my friends in the community HATE 50 Shades of Grey
Straight sub women routinely want me to do stuff that isn’t BDSM and is actual abuse.
Give some examples?
I have very few restrictions when it comes to someone getting physical with me as long as it's not permanent. I have found plenty of doms lacking because they express discomfort in rougher kinks. Light bruising is not abuse for example although you should probably take your time and get to know me well enough so that you trust I'm not crazy and that I won't tell people you're battering me.
One lady wanted me to choke her till she passed out. Another lady wanted a bag over her head. Another asked me to "punch me and leave bruises while I cum." I could go on, but honestly it's kinda disturbing.
Then there are the people that confuse CNC with straight up rape. Rape fantasy is one thing. Asking me to organize a CNC "home breakin" with people that you specifically don't know and have never met isn't something I would have any idea how to do safely.
Someone keept telling me about how they wanted me to do CNC stuff, and I pretty much felt nauseous at hearing that shit.
Oh dear god do not do the donkey punch, no no no no, noooooo.
I've never been asked to, but I knew guys who were, and like... doing the equivalent of that in a competetive martial art would get you heavily penalized, potentially forfeit the match or functionally end your career.
Very not safe.
The first few are fine?
The last one is where I would draw the line, even if it involved vetting people off of fetlife.
There's a difference between hard doms and soft doms. It sounds more like you're the second and I don't think that's a bad thing. Some of us genuinely enjoy being hit and choked and I don't think there's anything wrong with it. It means we trust you enough to even ask at all. If it's not something you enjoy or feel comfortable doing that is also fine.
Choking someone until they pass out is absolutely not fine. That's extremely dangerous and will cause permanent harm. You shouldn't should never be anywhere NEAR the point of losing consciousness.
I know choking can feel good, but there's no safe way to do it aside from just putting your hand there and applying zero pressure. You're literally depriving your brain of oxygen.
I don't really have much to say besides calling you a coward. Obviously there's risk involved. That's part of the point.
The problem is that people underestimate the risk. For many it's not worth the risk, they just don't realize it
This gave me a bit of a giggle because I used to know a real one who would show off their work. Not as a trophy or anything, more like, "This is how bruised I'm willing to make someone." A display of competence, but also a limit. He had anonymized photos from different sessions, and it gave great insight into what impact play actually looks like.
All pictures were taken and shown from the neck down, with consent.
This unfortunately, too real. It’s really unfortunate that it’s gotten bad for both genders,
And I’m a straight dom male, I’m very chill but, a lot of women into things that make me nope out
Yeah, as a lesbian sub I've noticed one big problem facing straight male subs is a lot of dominant women interested in men get burnt out of the community by bad experiences pretty quickly.
I think it's partly that yeah ime a lot of dominant straight women are looking for someone masculine, competent, and submissive, while the men tend to be looking more for degradation and caretaking, and neither group seems to be great at finding compromise, and the men often don't notice what the women are looking for.
But also, bad subs abound. And it's not just men. I used to switch, but bad experience not related drove me away from it, and around the time I was considering dominance again a submissive woman violated my boundaries to the point IDK if I'll ever be comfortable domming again. I've watched other women have similar experiences with one friend have a string of male subs make her decide to look for submissive men in the non kink scene.
And yeah, what I've seen of the feminization types is a real mix of yikes and eggs. Even if I were into men, domming, and feminization I'd be hesitant to get into that can of worms.
What's a bad sub or dom if I may ask
Be spesific
Being specific is hard because it's just a category of being a bad partner, and as such there's plenty of ways to do it lol.
I'll start by giving a quick overview on how to be a good kink partner: respect boundaries and know your own, communicate and listen, build skills appropriate for your role and interests (you can learn more by talking to people into that interest in the community, especially in the other role, and learning both sides even if you only want to do one is encouraged), know what you want and don't want, but be open to what you're not sure about, and in general just try to see everyone in the community as full people, not just as [role]. And for that last one, I really can't emphasize enough how much better you come off if you have friends across roles and genders, but also the people you're compatible with are just people, don't put them into their role until you've discussed it and agreed to it.
A lot of the worst experiences involve people who have personality disorders that aren't sufficiently dealt with for relationships to be a good idea. All of the really bad subs I was thinking of in my comment had borderline personality disorder and had not undergone dbt. They were all also kinda looking for a partner to fix them. But also the domme that got pushed away had bpd, but had underwent years of treatment and had developed healthy habits and understanding of her limits.
So for some specific bad behaviors. Boundary pushing is big. If someone says no or gives an excuse, that means no unless clearly negotiated with a safeword to replace the no. Attempting to negotiate someone's boundaries or to guilt them into something they're not interested in is very bad. Overdependance on someone is bad, especially when they don't agree to it. Your dominant (or submissive) isn't your therapist they're somewhere between romantic partner and fuckbuddy, and you should know where you stand (if you don't know, talk about it with them).
Now for just general bad form things, they're more akin to being a bad lay. Dominants being overconfident and doing things they aren't skilled enough to do without giving a heads up (plenty of experienced subs will agree to be a practice dummy to someone they trust, but it's often not cool to try something the first time without saying so). Subs that come in with a checklist of things they expect from a scene rather than presenting a menu of options and limits and letting the dom construct a scene out of it. Related are the subs who can't let go of control in a scene after asserting that that's what they want (if you say it's what you want but you're unsure you're able that's a different story). The inverse also sucks, subs who don't know what they're interested in or what their limits are (and "no limits" is neither true nor appreciated). Subs who neither have skills nor interest in building them. People who jump right into roles without talking about it.
In general new people are given a lot of grace and so long as it's not overt consent violations the worst a new person will need to do is apologize when corrected and try to do better.
There's also a spectrum for sub guys. From what I'd like to call 'compliant' to 'doormat.'
Some want a guy who's confident, strong, typical male traits, but lets her decide things and pick stuff. Other side of that is the ones who want to be property.
Idk. Lining shit up in the kink spaces is so damned hard that it's harder than finding even regular relationships.
Yup, gotta say that it took a few years after being a pro with men that I felt any urge to domme ... and now I'm looking for a compatible fem sub I'm not keeping my hopes up
I agree with most of the comments and sentiments in this thread. Being a male switch I've seen all sides of things and the bad actors abound regardless of declared genders.
The big line between pleasure subs and service doms is a large one. Getting bound up and teased and used is a far cry from being someone's table or maid.
Media definitely sets a lot of bad expectations but occasionally one strikes gold and the magic makes you not give up.
I am a guy who is a genuine switch.
I've only ever met a single genuine female switch, and she was literally a diagnosed nymphomaniac.
I've met other guy switches, uncommon but not too uncommon... never ever met another female switch.
Swear to flying spaghetti monster its a curse, its the type O- of sexual styles.
Thank you for posting this. I am 99.9% sure I am a switch (M) but I've been dominated for exactly 5 minutes of my life bc every other partner I've had (F so far) was 99% sub.
Spectrum? I am going to say more like a switch board. It is hard to get all of those connections aligned, and even in vanilla relationships I don't think anyone ever does.
I would agree that kink is a spectrum, or axis. Specifically, it's the Z-axis to the masculine/feminine attraction ("gay-straight" but generalized) X-axis and sexual intensity (aka, horniness level) Y-axis. That's right, we're going 3D.
It's a 27-axis graph, with each axis being a spectrum. It's 27 dimensions of sexy times.
This is the correct answer. Within even one seemingly narrow kink, there are so many flavors of it.
Biblically accurate sexuality graph :3
BE NOT AFRAID 📉👁📈
You really don't wanna go there, because it involves donkeys, 'justified' murder and rape, and pedophilia, as axes.
This is exhilarating. Get excited!
queers are kinky in more based ways usually :3
life goals: queer kinky polycule
I think this has nothing to do with someone’s gender. I would consider myself a perverted woman. I am at a lot of kinky events (probably once or twice a week). I saw a lot of stuff that is too extreme for me but on the other hand a lot of things I do is too extreme for others. So it’s a huge thing based on perspective. But what I noticed so far is that men have a lot of kinks that are unrealistic to pull of. I met someone who was into the thought of me shrinking him down and swallow him. I encountered almost every kink imaginable so far and I would say woman and man are equally as perverted.
I think maybe your results are skewed by your sample group. I'm unsurprised that you find very pervy men at your Sunday night Pervert Socials. What are the average, non-meeting-attending pervs cranking their hogs to? Probably high heels and fishnets and thinking they're depraved animals.
What are the average, non-meeting-attending pervs cranking their hogs to? Probably high heels and fishnets and thinking they're depraved animals.
Feet and gentle femdom on a good day, horrible and degrading femdom shit on a bad day. I wouldn't say i'm depraved, more so damaged and insecure.
Not my experience, with the guys willing to hire a pro for general "kinky" stuff many didn't want more than spanking and stern words ... and that's after they got over the psychological hurdles of actually talking to someone and confirming they had cash.
IME lots of boys like the idea, but have a low tolerance for loss of control, and no confidence that even if worked up gently they would actually enjoy being pushed.
IME lots of boys like the idea, but have a low tolerance for loss of control, and no confidence that even if worked up gently they would actually enjoy being pushed.
Aye to the tolerance, but I think that is a HEAVY trust issue more than anything else. They're coming to someone they've basically never met before, and you think completely giving up control is going to be okay? That's how folks get murdered (statistically rare, sure, but can you imagine a better scenario for killing someone?) in every bad fiction novel and 'true crime' talkyrecording.
having a low tolerance for loss of control IMO is connected to a general anxiety, having made bad life experiences, having been hurt by others etc . this are not inherent character traits but develop in a rough and coldhearted environment.
I think it's also function of toxic masculinity - to trust your body to someone else goes against everything that's taught about being macho.
To be blindfolded and tied is a very intense emotional experience, even before anything actually gets done ... intense emotions are also considered bad by 'tough guys'
If a woman told me I can't go, and that she was simply going to use me, that would actually be the hottest thing ever.
Especially if she is rather strong, and shows that she is eager.
Idk where you find these people.
They found me, via advertising or word of mouth.
I'm long since retired from that line of work, though.
Hey, kink is fun as hell. The whole societal shame bullshit around anything related to sex outside of the context of procreation is fucking dumb, and I’ve more or less fully rejected that mindset at this point. We are humans; humans were designed to feel good when smashing; hence, we like to smash. And exploring fun aspects and dynamics in that context is exciting and delightful.
Remember: “tradition” is just peer pressure from dead people.
That's not a kink. Sex for fun is entirely normal human.
Sex only for impregnation on the other hand, that's a specific fetish.
There’s definitely a gender dichotomy in terms of societal acceptance of sex as a form of fun. For men, it’s generally like “yeah, get some!”; for women; it’s often a lot closer to “omg you whore 😱”
there's definitely a gender dichotomy that goes far back to england and the puritans who believed that basically women are inferior beings for having a sex drive (because that's devilish), meanwhile men got a semi-pass possibly because they're more difficult to say "no" to.
anyways, the english church is single-handedly responsible for the divide of human culture from human nature. nowhere else in the world (and i've studied a lot of philosophy!) have i seen such a great divide. it's all about the asymmetry of good and evil.
just as a follow-up, the sad thing is, nobody could explain to me why the puritans have such a strong aversion to sex. it's just postulated but without any proof or at least hint that would make it plausible.
i have actually asked for this specific question here about 3 days ago, to find an answer. i was downvoted to hell, nobody even tried to elaborate (except 1 friendly muslim) and people called me "bad-faithed" for even asking such a question.
I think if you has asked "Why do puritans and others have such a strong aversion to sex?" you would have gotten better answers than asking your question "Prudish people, why do you hate sex?"
yeah i guess so.
It's because well, sex is pleasurable (and kind of dirty), but mostly, they obviously tend towards suffering, like believing in hard work and denial, and sex is very much the opposite of that.
This is why kink is celebrated at Pride, society makes people feel shame for the things they enjoy and that's bullshit.
Hey I just wanna eat pussy in a maid crossdress.
Maybe get pegged and called cute.
Not much to it.
Hi there :-)
Wait what this wasn't supposed to work I didn't think this far 😵💫
Dust off that maid's outfit, Bonje!
So you're now a flustered naughty little boy in a dress?
Such fun >:-)
H... Hwaaa!? I'm not... f-flustered.. naughty little boy... I'm a good girl... I'm not little!... I'm... cute! Y-yea! Y-
Y-yes, mistresses.
Good girl.
Now, get on your knees.
And that, kids, is how I met your mother
lol
Edit: don't worry, you're safe - I'm on another continent ;-)
Good for you tbh cause its a doozy in these here divided states. Half too tired half too depressed to plan a way out.
This was a good bit of fun to not think about that. So, thanks.
Well, if you ever want an internet hug / spanking to take the edge off, let me know ;-)
That's fucking disgusting.
...only degenerates want to be called "cute".
Hey cutie 😉
You make me sick!!
...thank you, I needed the compliment.
ദ്ദി(˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧
This is so much more common among normal straight men than women realize. That said this is a pretty rare kink for straight women.
The patriarchy ruins errything for us cute booty men with muscles.
I dated a girl once who said she was into kinky shit and i thought pfft yeah yeah - she wanted to cut my dick while it was hard and suck the blood mixed with precum 😐
So, finish the story. Did you let her?
Only once, and i really didnt like it. Turns out im not into having my dick lightly sliced with a razor blade
lightly
OH, that's far better than I expected.
I've seen a gore video where a man rubber-banded his dick and had someone else fully cut it off.
Also one who did it himself with hot blade.
But somehow it still made me less uncomfortable than the dude who stuck a couple of needles through his balls.
Quick, I need eye bleach right now
Thanks sir
A fellow victim of watching the pain-olympics I see
Nullo culture exists
Good god, that’s way too extreme
Lol yeah she was pretty intense, but all my crazy sex stories come from her (was with her for 4 years). She even shat on me once lol after her i only dated vanilla girls
I've been called perverted just for having a high sex drive and thinking about fucking all the time. I don't think I'm particularly perverted. I just want to do the basic stuff A LOT with someone who enjoys doing it with me. All the people I think of as perverted are into the freaky/gross stuff.
Oh so you like sex? The thing we're naturally evolutionally drawn to like? The thing that your natural urges of keeping the species alive like other animals are telling you you want? That thing?
You fucking pervert. You should be ashamed of yourself.
You sound like an ex of mine.
No worries I am nobody's ex
Is that how you became the wizard pope?
What makes you think that? There is not celibacy required for the position though I am not married yet.
Yeah, in my experience (and at this point I'm pretty experienced) so many men are threatened when my sex drive is higher than theirs, they want to be the one who wants more than I do, no matter what they say. They feel unmanly in some way if I am not the limiting factor, or think it unladylike to want so much.
Only twice have I had a guy who really and truly was so turned on by my wanting it all the time and I married one of them. Now I get it everyday at least and more if I want, even if he doesn't get off he will do me & edge himself so that he can still do it later, and is way ok with that since he knows I will also want it whenever he's ready to finish.
Aww, that sounds so sweet! I'm glad you found at least one partner that you're well matched with :-)
I can't really speak to how I'd feel about it because I've only been with someone who matched me once but that was pretty awesome while it lasted. She had a lot of mental issues that made the relationship unsustainable though.
The rest have seemed to mostly feel like sex was all I was concerned with because I wanted it all the time, even though that wasn't true, I was willing and helped plan to do other things, it was just sex that I wanted to do most and I tried to explain that I knew I wasn't entitled to anything and I was fine with them saying no when they weren't in the mood but it always seemed to be a source of friction where we'd get in a loop where they were shooting me down all the time and getting pissed at me for even trying, so I'd hold back from trying to initiate things so often, still get rejected when I did, so back off more, and so on until it was weeks/months between doing anything, and at that point it does become frustrating because it's impossible for me to get into a headspace where I can understand not wanting to have sex or why you would want to be romantically involved with someone you're not physically attracted to. Trying to get answers from them as to if there was anything to be done to improve the situation never went anywhere because they didn't see it as a problem.
I'm happy for you that you found someone that matches you well.
I don’t think the bar is even that high. Any mismatched sex drive is likely to get you called out.
I found out my hyper sexuality is partially caused by untreated ADHD. Maybe talk to someone and look into it.
I do probably have ADHD but I don't really mind the hypersexuality. At least it's a want I can somewhat satisfy myself vs. something like wanting to own a house or have a rewarding career that actually pays me enough to live comfortably.
It can wreck a healthy relationship so consider that
Eh, I've made it clear to everyone I've been with that I don't expect them to match me or hold it against them when they don't. If they still can't handle it at that point it's kind of on them.
Each time this meme is posted I look into comments to search for proofs of those "perverted" woman. Yet to see one. "Uh, I do rimming, that is sooo kinky". Your "kinks" so uncommon that you can find them in top 10 tags on rule34, focking adorable.
I've seen things you people wouldn't believe
My first date was to Folsom street fair and I lived in a sex dungeon for two years. There aren't names for the things that get me off. I was asked, after the best orgasm of my life, 'was that sex?'. I once made a state legislator who lived in San Francisco turn pale at an event.
But no, women aren't kinky just because we don't talk about it where men can hear because you're all fucking obnoxious and the dumber ones still want to bang you people.
Edit: I'm not claiming to be the kinkiest person alive, just that everyone I've ever met kinkier than me used she or they pronouns.
How did those 2 years go? Was it with health insurance and a good salary, or was it more of an after job thing?
Started off in desperation and affinity. Ended up hourly. I got real good with bleach.
Same. 100% same.
A friend thought she was edgy to throw rimming in a "never have I ever" as if it defined kink. Awww.... Sweetie, that's cute.
No shade intended but for my own curiosity what’s like a normal kinky thing or a very kinky thing? Ty
Kink is weird. There are some things that are considered kinky but aren’t super kinky (biting, feet, degradation/praise, ect) that can be done with anyone if the vibe is right. Then there are kinky kinks that are a little less common and require more trust and familiarity to be done safely.
Kinky for me is to be tied down and have hot wax poured over me while I’m blindfolded. Or free use / cnc type stuff, being available 24/7 without word at literally anytime to be used as they please. Or ddlg / age regression with a daddy dom that extends outside of the bedroom.
I've never liked CNC sex. Feels more like masturbation with a safety officer. Prefer those kinds of tools be operated manually.
Kinky for me is to be tied down and have hot wax poured over me while I’m blindfolded. Or free use / cnc type stuff, being available 24/7 without word at literally anytime to be used as they please. Or ddlg / age regression with a daddy dom that extends outside of the bedroom.
Idk, I feel like these are still pretty vanilla. At least as far as the people in this thread are saying "I'm soooo kinky".
Of course, this is all the societal hedonic treadmill in kink. All kink becomes vanilla eventually. But at this point I feel like it isn't "real" kink unless it makes me queasy or say "what the fuck?" Like, furries, pet play, shit, piss, vomit, blood, asphyxiation, and sounding are "real" kink to me. Anything that boils down to basically "you're in charge of me" or "you inflict pain on me" is pretty vanilla.
And then I've heard of being set on fire and sensory deprivation, which seems less like a kink and more like a silly experience / party trick
Shibari is normal for me. That's just my jam. Not into impact, blood, not super into choking, but can do it more-or-less safely if that's what my partner enjoys receiving. No shit or piss (technically squirting is mostly pee, but somehow that's okay). I like tying a partner up, blindfolding them, and then alternating between soft/erotic touch and riding crop/paddle/etc. Or tickling, but that's one is a bit risky, since I had a partner that nearly dislocated a shoulder straining at the ropes. Feet are meh, biting is okay, wax seems like a pain to clean up.
Had a partner that really wanted to be 'abducted' and 'raped'; never got around to it before we broke up. It would have been risky in a big city, but still...
Iv seen rape play go about as wrong as it can and now I absolutely fucking hate the idea of any form of power dynamic that can be abused.
To be short, a good friend ended up having a girl convince him to tie her up and "rape" her. She arranged to have a friend show up and call the cops.
Ruined his entirely life. He's still in jail from it. They had dated for a bit over a year and till then I had thought they were a great couple. She just turned out to be a raging fucking cunt who wanted all his shit.
Fucking stole everything from him basically.
Swear to God it feels like the only reason she got away with it is she was white and he was black.
Had a girl pull out a full set of knives for "scraping and light cutting". Never been more scaroused
I'd say three ways are pretty common, but trains and glory holes and the like get pretty kinky imo
Definitely goes much further down the rabbit hole but I've not gone that deep
scaroused
Fuck I'm using that term from now on. One of my girls loves knife play, and, well so much more.
Normal kinky is whatever you like that's a step or two beyond vanilla missionary stuff. Intentional, deliberate stuff that requires a bit of trust. Or, at least, willingness to try something. Could be rimming or other butt stuff. Could be dressing up or light role play. Dirty talk. Threesomes. Spanking. Things like that. Things that most couples might try one or twice to satisfy curiosity.
Very kinky requires a lot of trust. Bondage. S&M. Knives. Group situations. Hugely demeaning public stunts. Glory holes. It's consensual teamwork toward a deep, psychological goal.
i really don't like "knives" in there
And yet, the people into it are all about it. Don't yuck their yum. And it's more of a scraping and almost-but-not cutting thing. Usually.
I've seen it done in an up close private performance. 100% not for me personally, but seeing it happen, hearing the scraping, seeing the woman go wild for it was amazing. I respect the discipline needed to do it right.
I dislike the notion that some people lay down of "oh that's not kinky, what I do is kinky". It's not a competition, nobody gets points for being at some "level" of the game. A good kink gets you off HARD and you have an awesome time. It doesn't have to be some fucking extreme thing where you have to have a bunch of tattoos, black leather, knives, ropes and all that shit. It can be that stuff, but it can be whatever dials up the fuck-o-meter to 11. Fetlife is full of people who want to gatekeep some shit. Every group has insular douchebags who want to say they are the expert. Fuck right off with all that shit.
100% agree, and we agree on the 27-axis spectrum graph.
Personally, I see it as the only real requirement is trust with a partner. That's also an axis, but without full trust, the less socially acceptable stuff gets out of reach. Doesnt matter what it is, if you trust someone else to do a thing to get you off hard and ping that fuck-o-meter to 11, that's key.
And gatekeepers of kinks are idiots. Telling people how they should enjoy getting off isn't a kink itself, it's asshole behavior.
yeah no yucking, i didn't mean it like "nobody should do it", but like "i really don't like that idea"
If your kind has more then 100 entries on e621 you ain't depraved enough!
To be fair and to not look absolutely deranged: I do understand that it's not a competition.
If you like vanilla or popular stuff — good for you, no kink shaming. It's just that I'm a perverted male and I'm not scared by hypothetical "perverted woman", cause I yet to see one that outkink me (albeit, in answers to my initial comment there some potential one, I'll admit).
So meme kinda doesn't make sense and doesn't work for me. That the whole point.
I mean if they bulk at rimming I doubt they’re going to be excited to chase me through the woods 🙄
Polite cough.
Entirely anecodotal but:
Nearly every woman I've met/dated/etc that's described themself as a pervert or a freak or extremely kinky, that's a significant element of their personality?
They're the absolute most boring, plain and lazy in the bedroom, and they also tend to have fairly to extremely serious mental/personality disorders/problems.
Conversely, not all, but far far more of the ones that do not describe themselves as that?
They are actually quite often the most active and creative and willing to try new things, actually reciprocate effort in the bedroom.
Absolutely no clue if this is any kind of representative sample, but it is my experience.
The literal only exception to at least the first half of this was the actually diagnosed nymphomaniac, who was, other than that, a rather meek and reserved person, 95% of the time.
Also I guess for the record, I don't consider myself 'perverted', just sex positive and I guess kinkier than your average bear twink.
They’re the absolute most boring, plain and lazy in the bedroom, and they also tend to have fairly to extremely serious mental/personality disorders/problems.
I encountered a woman once that talked about how freaky she was in bed, in a way that openly encouraged investigation.
Investigation commenced.
Turns out her idea of bein freaky was Doggy Style.
Yeah. Yep. Basically that is what I'm talking about.
Yeah, I'm sharing my own personal anecdote backing up your statement.
Sorry, tone is somewhat difficult to convey via text sometimes... I am basically trying to sigh in acknowledgement/agreement with you, lol.
A great case of those who think they are something only do so because they don't realize how deep the rabbit hole goes.
Dunning Kruger of personality traits is very real.
It's the laziness that's the worst. Someone not putting any effort in is insulting.
The dead fish position.
Are you in the kink community? The girls i meet there are anything but vanilla.
No.
To the best of my knowledge there just isn't one, in or near my current location, pretty solidly red, conservative area, and back when I was in a bluer area... well frankly back then I didn't have any need to specifically join a community to try and find people interested in sex.
And/or if said community involves making something approximating a Facebook account, ahahaha fuck no, no I actually value Palantir and the NSA not knowing exactly who I'm fucking and precisely how.
A fetlife account is pretty much as anonymous as a Lemmy account. You might look up your area there and see what you can find. Living in a red area doesnt mean there aren't kinky people. There ase plenty of right wing kinksters out there.
Well I'd prefer to avoid the right wing kinksters, but... fine. Fine, maybe the time has come to finally make a fetlife account... grumble grumble
From what I've been able to gather browsing through the not Craiglist personals in my area... most of it seems to be ~45 yo married couples looking for a black unicorn to cuck the husband, or single dudes looking for a transwoman.
Definitely not beating the stereotypes for a pretty solid red area...
Depends on, some are extremely kinky/horny, some are just literal pickmes trying to better market themselves to what they think they will like. I knew one such pickme, se converted to fundamentalist christianity within a year.
Yeah, there does seem to a dynamic like that at play... a bunch of people just say shit about themselves, that they think will make other people like them.
It would be nice if people were actually self aware and honest, with both themselves and others, but apparently that isn't the meta.
That being said... converting to fundamentalist Christianity?
That's some legit insanity right there, either that or a person who is deeply insecure and needs validation/meaning imposed on them.
no joke i used to be one of those dudes that thought i could keep going and never get tired until i met a woman one day that wore my ass out i think i was asleep for like 14 hours lmao shit was fucking wild
I'm not perverted, I just want to tie you up, suspend you in the air, and have my way with you
I'm not perverted, I just want to be tied up, suspended up in the air, and let you have your way with me
lost_faith match made in heaven?
Let's say it like that. There are a lot more penis shaped things that are safe to put inside you than there are safe holes to put your penis in.
I feel like a lot of straight men, self-proclaimed perverted or otherwise, fetishize virginity and a general lack of their partner having their own experiences, and a perverted woman runs rather contrary to that. It's a lot of patriarchal power expectations.
Yeah exactly, memes like this suggest that women's sexual fantasies are inherently more depraved because they appeal to their own tastes instead of to men's.
This is a good point, I didn't read it that way initially
Reading this thread I think the conclusion is that both men and women can consider themselves "perverted" but the bounds of what each consider "too extreme" is so different that they both think that the other side is just too kinky/disgusting.
Edit: or maybe I mean the other way around. People saying "yeah I'm kinky" and someone else going "eh, that's nothing". Two people both thinking two different things are extreme and then learning that mutually, both their extremes are considered tame by the other person.
There’s a point here somewhere about people never truly being on the same page with anyone outside themselves lol
Especially since kinks are typically explored in private and therefore not peer reviewed by our society lol draws crazy person kink explanation yarn board
Yeah, this. There are both perverted men and women who are into things that are way too extreme for many regular people
Given the amount of hate a certain purple-coloured-username person gets around here, this statement is quite accurate.
virginity
Eww
If anyone wants to test this theory I'm willing to do my part. And if I don't succeed I'm willing to try try try again
I mean, what kind of perverted? Its a pretty wide circle. I'm pretty deep into it but most anything outside my circle is a no no.
In that wide circle includes shitting on eachothers feet for instance.
I hate to ask what's outside of it, if that's in...
Yeah, I reread that sentence like 6 times 'cause I thought I was fucking it up
I think it's a compare/contrast pair. He said that he's "pretty deep into it," where "it" is a pretty wide circle, but then contrasts how deep of an entry it is by stating something in the entire perverted circle but out of "[his] circle."
As a guy whose kinks are more in the realm of fantasy scenarios and not bdsm, I kind of get it.
When you are German and they read you the ORIGINAL Grim tales at bedtime, you know what's up sooner than you'd wish.
what... what happened to the wolf?
She ain't called the red riding hood for nothin'
He met a predator in the woods
More than happy to meet perverted women. We can like different things without running away though. I am pretty vanilla but I support whoever being as kinky as you want.
I just wanna cuddle, after freeing you from the cage...
NSFW
Yeeeep. I've dated enough to realize how vanilla I am, hooooly shit. And I'm OKAY WITH IT. Ladies need Jesus for real.
😳😳😳
There should be a word between "perverted" and "promiscuous".
Perverted to me seems to be limited to imagination and fantasy, while promiscuous is wanting to do anything and everything, depending on the degree of promiscuity.
Something in the middle would be best, for people who might do more things like rope or collars but not whippings and golden showers.
Oh, yeah I defo find myself in that bucket. I love Power play but i've no interest in "going too far down the kink hole"
Pervmiscuous?
As opposed to proverted, the next level of pervert.
Ok, fine, let's do a scaling pervert-off: Bite to neck
You need to drop an A/S/L before you start with that. I was there on the msn message boards too, old man lol.
Actually never got to engage with the msn boards. I'D have been the young one being taken advantage of.
Let me get my robe, and wizard hat real quick.
Many self-declared "perverted men" think doggy-style is bdsm
Gotta sort the wheat from the chaff when it comes to guys.
Much easier for WLW, if a girl says she's kinky then even if it's at the gentle end it's gonna be fun ;-)
I'm willing to try anything once.
My partner doesn't like when I cum in them, even though there's no chance at pregnancy. They just don't like how it feels, so I wear a condom.
They were super horny last week and offered I could cum in them, but I'd have to eat them out after. I've never done that before (eating myself out of them) but fuck it, why not give it a go.
Long story short I did it twice.
I'm so willing to try something once, I liked it enough to do it again two hours later.
Protip - cut out coffee and drink pineapple juice, it makes your cum a lot more tasty ;-)
just don’t like how it feels
i mean there's a serious risk of infections from anal penetration so i get that many people just don't like it
Who said anything about anal?
oh yeah you're right.
This is my nightmare partner. I will never comprehend pull out finishes.
Who said anything about pulling out?
...anything? Okay.
Shit yourself.
I've already done that more than once growing up, and even a few times as an adult. 🤷♂️
🤷♂️ well, guess I'll be going then. Lmao
On purpose? In a diaper? With people watching?
Me neither. But, there's a difference I imagine.
Yeah... Have you never been a baby? 🤨
fun fact: i accidentally shit (shat?) myself once when i was hiking in the woods and had to take a dump ... i tried to shit on the floor but some got on my shoes, it was messy.
(riding the subway home was embarrassing)
With an extreme vore fetish, once is all you get.
Hmm...they can't stop at seeing if they can swallow a hand/arm? That sounds like it won't damage anything.
Where can I meet with perverted women?
People with smaller hands could probably fist me already, and I'm open to opening up even wider.
I love a perverted women (actually 2), and I'm always happy when I find another that can keep up with my dirty minded wit
Yeah, not all men.
How YOU doin'?
Being vanilla as I am feels like being one of those hipster guys that eats exclusively organic and buys only farmers market food
My wife is quite perverted but so am I.
I've done anal, spanking, choking, ropes, outdoors, and age-play. I like spanking and ropes, but ropes take so much time, the other person gets bored. Anal is fine if they're into it, but I can take it or leave it. I suppose part of the problem for me is I don't think of any of it as "dirty" or forbidden.
Try me
They always seem to want to do something to my butt.
I used to be fairly well known on kink.com's theupperfloor.com. One day during a live show, I, ade a particularly e il suggestion to do to the girls, and one of the Doms looked at the camera and said [myName], I like you! I want you to come visit! Then he sent me a DM and said he was serious and asked me to stick around after thr show,and we'd work oit details. I visited a month later and attended a party tjat was also a live show. Flogged several of the girls there, my girlfriend at the time and I also played there.
Later, I went to a kinky hiuse party and a woman came over to me and asked me to flog her with the big elk hide flogger I was showing off (That I happened to buy on that trip to San Francisco.) I ended up beating her ass and tits that night too. Then 18 months later, I married her.
Ask a man what he’s into most will give you the most bland milquetoast response with absolutely zero information that will help you out beyond he “likes to please” regardless of his ability to do so
Communication is hard, especially for men trapped in cultures of rigid gender norms around vulnerability. I get it, though. It doesn't have to be your problem.
Haha I hear often men overdump every crazy fantasy they've ever had. Also there's a lot of fear about what they've heard where women say things like, "once I heard that I could never look at him the same again". So it's a huge gamble.
It’s one or the other, either wild shit that they probably wouldn’t actually like or some ultra vague broad platitude
Haha I just keep a profile up to date and let them read that
I'm into a lot of shit, especially where one person gets eaten, Mawplay, Getting eaten by a herbivore anthro, and gentle cuddling.
I feel this is like a chllenge.
Sucha waste of an open question when he could be saying he wants to smear you in jam and cream and eat you like afternoon tea 😂
Perversion is an outcome of sexual suppression.
perversion doesn't exist, it was made up by the english to suppress the people and feel morally superior to the french
Do the math.
A man who can satisfy three women a day is a world class athlete.
A lazy woman can satisfy a dozen men between lunch and dinner.
Eating pussy is tiring but not THAT tiring man
Strong jaw/tongue club member
I shall show great restraint and dignity and not mention your mother