I appreciate the invitation but I don't have the time to effectively mod a community. Yes, I'm a free rider, lol.

I am starting to think that the best bet is to keep my SFW Lemmy account but go back to Reddit for my NSFW needs. It's not like they can monetize me on there anyway.

So it's simply a matter of network effects working against us? Lemmy hasn't attracted a critical mass of perverts to be viable in this way? Depressing if true.

I don't imagine life is easier for people on Reddit, yet those communities thrive there.

Part of what's making this difficult for me is, as I mentioned in my OP, I was in a dead bedroom for many years in my marriage, so I don't feel like I'm in a place where I can feel desire for someone and not have it reciprocated. It's not psychologically healthy for me. But she is special and important to me, and if there's a way I can salvage this relationship while meeting my own needs and respecting myself, I'd be open to it.

I've had really shitty luck with all the apps tbh. I have one friend I see very rarely that I met on Feeld, and this person from Tinder. But it's encouraging to hear that OKC now has ENM options, so maybe I'll give that a try.