Out of the options you mentioned, Pixel with a custom rom (GrapheneOS, CalyxOS, etc.) is probably the best bet. Seconded by any Samsung that could run a custom rom, though I agree with others here that the hardware is better on the Pixels. Plus they have extra security hardware features that will be better. Of course, if things are weird with your telecom, that might effect things (trust me, been there with an Ubuntu Touch phone before.)

Another option you could look at depending on where you are is Murena's phones. They have a bunch of options pre-flashed with their de-Googled rom /e/ os. Not my favorite rom, but still not bad! And of course those can be flashed with another rom if you want as well!

I used to self host some stuff on an old 2011 iMac. Worked fine, actually

Thanks for the heads up, didn't know this!

I second this. I have a Framework (which is even one they've said they're trying to support) and it's been getting better, but still a bit janky

I started with a distro of FreeBSD called GhostBSD. It works pretty well out of the box, and is a good starting point for someone who's just starting out with FreeBSD. NomadBSD is also a good option if you don't mind running it from an external drive.

Kinda, yeah! These kinda remind me of some of the icon packs I used on my jailbroken iPod Touch!

That's why I never got why TPUSA people go around "debating" people on college campuses. They never actually want a debate, they just want to tell you you're wrong.