I got a beer, and now I feel I'm going to be arrested for burning an orphanage to the ground while keeping one to pay my taxes. Except, not entirely. My life very much has felt like it's falling apart, but it took a slight upturn so my life partner and I are not in hyper-dire straights. Just super-dire.
He's in the hospital; psyche ward. He's lying to doctors just as much as he's lying to me. I get triggered severely by this and the other things he does. I shouldn't. Something is wrong with him and he's in decline, mentally. I think he thinks he's training me to be a monk, inciting anger deliberately so I have opportunities to resist it and develop my prefrontal cortex. But, he's not taking meds and not going to group, so the hope he will magickally get better is less than ideal.
Still, he's being seen by professionals, which may help my court case for assaulting him. But is he deceiving them? Is he setting me up? I'm schizoaffective and previously been abused by a cult; my judgment isn't the greatest. He smoked weed nonstop in our apartment. We are about to be evicted, though not at any legal level yet. Even so, our lease was about to be up, so part of what's relieving is how his father promised to pay on a month-by-month basis now.
I need to get a job. My job experience at 35 years old is two years a dishwasher at Wegman's and three days at FedEx. Oh, and the cult I was a slave in, but I got fired from Spectrum for using the wrong bathroom in my trans phase, which they said I lied in my interview because it was a cult not a "normal" job.
I'm a skilled righter, though, and can manifest 100k-250k views to a profile per day with skillful trolling, and damn can I do a philosophy and spirituality and mental health skill, so I have my educational (f)art project, but how do I sell that to a job that wants skills I have? I talk about how I have my sister's feet. They're in a jar, on my desk. I can make a spectacle of myself damn well, but does [Company] want their brand associated with my randiness?
And this leads to me drinking. I kerfundridged the animal in me that wanted to abuse DPH today. Felt that primal feeling. Jacked off instead. Took the edge off. Still weak. Decided on a beer. I think that's all I needed. Kerfundridging. Sinning less by skillful sinning. Actually, even more precise and accurate; predicting the devil and outwitting him. I do that, too, but this ain't the easiest of times. It's rather taxing on all fronts, but I'm glad my life partner is alright. He gives me hope to fight.
stress because of fear of relapse
1mon 12d ago by lemmy.world/u/WhyDoYouThinkThat in drugs@exploding-heads.comWhy is there such a big thing about prescription opioids when the addiction rate in less than 1% for those who have been prescribed for pain?
2y 11mon ago by exploding-heads.com/u/admin in drugs@exploding-heads.com
Law could see Australians jailed for three years for posting what’s deemed ‘offensive’ on Facebook
3y 16d ago by exploding-heads.com/u/admin in drugs@exploding-heads.com from endoftheamericandream.com
Want to Win the War on Drugs? Portugal Might Have the Answer
3y 20d ago by exploding-heads.com/u/admin in drugs@exploding-heads.com from time.com
Would love it if the relevant material could be crossposted too pharmacy@lemmy.world
3y 20d ago by lemmy.world/u/LizardKing in drugs@exploding-heads.com
Did Scientists Accidentally Invent an Anti-addiction Drug?
3y 13d ago by exploding-heads.com/u/admin in drugs@exploding-heads.com from 12ft.ioStrong association between cannabis use disorder (ie: weed addiction) and schizophrenia in young men.
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3y 1mon ago by exploding-heads.com/u/admin in drugs@exploding-heads.com
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3y 2mon ago by exploding-heads.com/u/admin in drugs@exploding-heads.com from www.thegatewaypundit.com
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3y 2mon ago by exploding-heads.com/u/admin in drugs@exploding-heads.com from justthenews.com
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3y 2mon ago by exploding-heads.com/u/admin in drugs@exploding-heads.com from justthenews.com
Democrat Bill in California Would Eventually Ban ALL Tobacco Sales, but Not Marijuana
3y 3mon ago by exploding-heads.com/u/admin in drugs@exploding-heads.com from www.thegatewaypundit.com
Finance Director For Boston's Democrat Mayor Charged With Money Laundering
3y 4mon ago by exploding-heads.com/u/admin in drugs@exploding-heads.com from www.thegatewaypundit.com
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3y 4mon ago by exploding-heads.com/u/admin in drugs@exploding-heads.com from nypost.comSara Carter goes on the ground in Philadelphia's most drug addled precincts
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3y 5mon ago by exploding-heads.com/u/admin in drugs@exploding-heads.com from www.theguardian.comFresh bad news for kids makes pot legalization look even worse
3y 5mon ago by exploding-heads.com/u/admin in drugs@exploding-heads.com from nypost.com
FDA Fast-Tracks Review of Overdose Drug Naloxone for Use Without Prescription
3y 5mon ago by exploding-heads.com/u/admin in drugs@exploding-heads.com from www.wsj.com
The end of Title 42 will increase soaring fentanyl deaths
3y 5mon ago by exploding-heads.com/u/admin in drugs@exploding-heads.com from nypost.com
Scoop: Senate plots pro-pot move for lame-duck Congress
3y 6mon ago by exploding-heads.com/u/admin in drugs@exploding-heads.com from www.axios.comFentanyl 101 - The Real Story Behind America's Most Dangerous Poison
3y 6mon ago by exploding-heads.com/u/admin in drugs@exploding-heads.com from verifi.podscribe.com
LA County Experiences 1,200% Increase In Fentanyl Overdose Deaths Over 5-Year Period
3y 6mon ago by exploding-heads.com/u/admin in drugs@exploding-heads.com from www.zerohedge.com
Belgian Authorities Seize So Much Cocaine It's Overloading Incinerators
3y 6mon ago by exploding-heads.com/u/admin in drugs@exploding-heads.com from www.zerohedge.com
DEA’s most corrupt agent: Parties, sex amid 'unwinnable war'
3y 7mon ago by exploding-heads.com/u/admin in drugs@exploding-heads.com from apnews.com
Mexican government uses footage of Philadelphia streets in anti-drug PSA
3y 7mon ago by exploding-heads.com/u/admin in drugs@exploding-heads.com from justthenews.com
Leftist Drug Policies Led By NY Gov Kathy Hochel Destroy New York State
3y 7mon ago by exploding-heads.com/u/admin in drugs@exploding-heads.com from www.thegatewaypundit.com
Gov. Hochul’s funding, progressive drug policies transform East Harlem into Zombieland
3y 7mon ago by exploding-heads.com/u/admin in drugs@exploding-heads.com from nypost.com
Deaths from Alcohol Up Nearly 30 Percent During First Year of Pandemic
3y 7mon ago by exploding-heads.com/u/admin in drugs@exploding-heads.com from www.breitbart.com
New York overdose deaths increase significantly during COVID-19
3y 7mon ago by exploding-heads.com/u/admin in drugs@exploding-heads.com from justthenews.com
Circle K To Start Selling Marijuana At Its Florida Stores
3y 7mon ago by exploding-heads.com/u/admin in drugs@exploding-heads.com from www.zerohedge.com
Fentanyl Overdoses Have Increased Under Biden: 'Not the American Way'
3y 8mon ago by exploding-heads.com/u/admin in drugs@exploding-heads.com from townhall.com
EXCLUSIVE: ‘Astonishing’: Watchdog Sues Biden Admin For Records On Trump Law Targeting Illicit Drugs That Took Years To Put In Place
3y 8mon ago by exploding-heads.com/u/admin in drugs@exploding-heads.com from dailycaller.com
Florida Sheriff’s Office Seizes Enough Fentanyl to Kill 1.5 Million Adults
3y 8mon ago by exploding-heads.com/u/admin in drugs@exploding-heads.com from www.thegatewaypundit.com
President Trump Calls for Death Penalty for Drug Dealers and Human Traffickers During Ohio Rally (VIDEO)
3y 8mon ago by exploding-heads.com/u/admin in drugs@exploding-heads.com from www.thegatewaypundit.com
California Middle School Student Brings Fentanyl to Campus, Staff Member Who Searched Him Overdosed From Exposure
3y 9mon ago by exploding-heads.com/u/admin in drugs@exploding-heads.com from www.thegatewaypundit.com
The ACT will soon be Australia's drug decriminalisation capital. There are lessons from overseas
3y 9mon ago by exploding-heads.com/u/admin in drugs@exploding-heads.com from www.abc.net.au
Billion Dollar "Ice Bust" Largest In Australian History As Meth Crisis Worsens
3y 9mon ago by exploding-heads.com/u/admin in drugs@exploding-heads.com from www.zerohedge.comA total of 30 soldiers in Norway’s royal guard unit have been discharged after admitting to use of narcotics at a party last summer.
3y 9mon ago by exploding-heads.com/u/admin in drugs@exploding-heads.com from www.newsinenglish.no
Video Surfaces of Pennsylvania Democrat Senate Candidate John Fetterman Saying He Wants to Release "One-Third" of the Prison Population
3y 9mon ago by exploding-heads.com/u/admin in drugs@exploding-heads.com from www.thegatewaypundit.com
Wisconsin issues health advisory over 97% jump in fentanyl deaths
3y 9mon ago by exploding-heads.com/u/admin in drugs@exploding-heads.com from justthenews.com
Judge orders Walmart, CVS, Walgreens to pay $650m to two Ohio counties in opioids suit
3y 10mon ago by exploding-heads.com/u/admin in drugs@exploding-heads.com from justthenews.com
Walgreens "substantially contributed" to opioid crisis, judge rules
3y 10mon ago by exploding-heads.com/u/admin in drugs@exploding-heads.com from www.naturalnews.com
Contaminated: The Fentanyl Crisis in St. Louis - A Tragic Result of Open Borders Policies -- KMOV Documentary
3y 10mon ago by exploding-heads.com/u/admin in drugs@exploding-heads.com from www.thegatewaypundit.com
Holland Has Become "Narco State 2.0": Police Union Chief
3y 10mon ago by exploding-heads.com/u/admin in drugs@exploding-heads.com from www.zerohedge.com
Former Bastion of Conservatism Installs Vending Machines to Keep Drug Addicts From Dying
3y 10mon ago by exploding-heads.com/u/admin in drugs@exploding-heads.com from redstate.com