How did people poop before smartphones were invented?
1y 8mon ago by lemmynsfw.com/u/PenisDuckCuck9001 in lemmyshitpost
We read the ingredients on shampoo bottles and we liked it!
Kids today don’t even know what’s in their shampoo anymore
I know, right?
Sodium Laureth Sulfate.
Sodium Lauryl Sulfate.
Laureth. Lauryl. Laureth. Lauryl.
What? Is? The DEAL?
Better go to the library to look it up in an encyclopedia!
Eh, it's fine. I trust the suave company. I'm sure they make a perfectly fine product of salon quality that won't dry out or otherwise damage my hair or skin.
Um, it’s Sodium Yanny Sulfate
Is this a Wake reference?
My skin doesn't like it and it's fucking everywhere.
If you want to wash anything without it you have to go in two buy your soap from one of those shops where people smell funny and dress bit too casual.
Bathroom readers, magazines, and Readers digest.
chicken soup for the soul
Ah so that's why they're going bankrupt now!
Dr. Bronners has enough stuff on it to read for 30 mins.
And it gave you your daily dose of crazy in the pre-Internet age.
Methylchloroisothiazolonone
Oops got stuck in another lather, rinse, repeat loop
Yes! I still have a number of these around here somewhere. They’re old, and many of the articles are out of date, but they’re still enjoyable reads!
Glad to see they're still making these. Might grab one if the newer ones are any good.
Huh, this vegan dog shampoo has not been tested on animals.
I feel like that's the one product they should test on animals so that my dog doesn't have to be the guinea pig.
I always thought "tested on animals" meant they would shampoo the dog.. which made sense because they have a lot of hair lol
We had a little basket thingy with books and magazines. Stuff like Calvin & Hobbes, I Spy books, Popular Science magazines, etc.
Every year for Christmas our father would get new content for the toilet library. Usually from Walter Moers' Little Asshole series. Good times.
We read the backs of shampoo bottles.
I fully educated myself about tampon insertion and toxic shock syndrome during trips to the bathroom.
Magazines and newspapers.
Plus catalogs.
The Sears catalog was multipurpose
OP: wha- what is a m-m-magazine?
Magazine racks. Every home had a small one next to the toilet
I wiped with a CD instead.
Scraaaaaaaaaaape. Ahhhhh.
Almost as good as the 3 seashells.
i was thinking vertically
Oh, like a poop knife.
Our bathroom door has a built-in magazine rack dating back to the 70s. It holds phones pretty well too.
But does it know why kids love the taste of cinnemon toast crunch???
It holds phones pretty well too.
Phones can have more than one app installed ya know lol
"Shelf" isn't one of them, sadly.
"Door"!? I live in a one bedroom, one bathroom apartment, but even I can't reach a door from the toilet...
In my house the bathroom door's swing takes up about 1/3rd of the bathroom and the door slams into the toilet when it opens. So if someone (like a cat) swings the door open suddenly while one it pooping, they're going to walk with a limp for a while.
We used to have words printed on paper (the pressed corpses of trees) called books, magazines, and newspapers. They'd bring one of those.
I'm curious how old OP is. I still keep a book in the bathroom. It's where I do most of my reading.
Bathroom books are absolutely a thing. My boomer aunt has dozens of Andy Capp booklets.
The hot fries guy?
Farmers Almanac. Used to come with a pre-drilled hole for hanging on a hook in the outhouse.
Good ole Reader's Digest.
Dr. Bronner's magic soap label
I'm middle aged and I'm still only half way through that saga
Magazines, books, reading the backs of products, and sometimes people would even use a mirror or two to watch TV on the shitter.
I used to find some neat patterns in the wood grain on the back of the bathroom door.
Classic. There's the pattern in some ceiling finishes too.
Wash, rinse, repeat. List of ingredients. Wash rinse repeat
There used to be racks/baskets dedicated to hold magazines in the toilet...
Mad magazine, Nat Geo, or if all else fails, back of the shampoo bottle.
We'd look through the bathroom window, there was always something funny going on. Such as packs of velociraptors fighting each other, or a mastodon causing wreck on the neighbour's garden.
Spanish people stopped learning greek after smartphones where invented.
Tap for spoiler
We used to read shampoo bottles that where usually shipped in Spain with labels in four languages: Spanish, Italian, Portuguese and Greek. So it was always funny to try to see how things were written in greek while pooping.
I used to do that too! But living in Eastern Europe, our shampoo bottles had like twenty languages. I didn't manage to learn any, but I did develop a sense of how closely related they were.
series of mirrors displaying the tv in the living room
Take a book with you....or start reading the backs of the cleaning products under the sink
Hopefully through their buttholes, not through their fingers and mouths.
We didn't have to poop back then. The act of pooping was invented by Larry Smartphone, who also happened to invent the smartphone. They were released together originally as a bundle but everyone has both nowadays anyways and you can mix and match.
Teletype with an acoustic coupler. You place the handset into the rubber cups that block out the sound, so that the modem noises were clear through the phone line.
The perforations in modern toilet paper are an homage to the holes in the punched tape used to feed the teletype pre-recorded instructions.
Kids these days dont even know about disassociating lmao
Nah they do. You see it in lecture halls and speaking events.
Well, before phones made social media conveniently available, people largely had to deposit their shit via telephone, written word, or in person.
In recent times, by reading. Before that, i think most people pooped faster than we do due to better digestable foods
And before that, pooping was a social function .
They’re not going anymore, they’re sitting there arguing over who has to go get some toilet paper
No need for toilet paper 😅
Huh. It’s like a bidet, but worse
We had print media that hadn't died yet.
That's why the boomers are so mad at younger generations. Used to be you could get a newspaper delivered to your porch daily, and magazines delivered to your mailbox monthly.
Why didn't they put the newspaper in the mailbox? Because the 12 year old on a bicycle at 4am doesn't have time for your particular brand of bullshit.
And now, it's all on screens that hurt their eyes. My mom LITERALLY turns on airplane mode, and THEN turns it off. Completely off. Just so she can charge it. When I asked why she does that, she told a room of people "because thats how you charge your phone".
She then began argueing that airplane mode needs to be on, and THEN power off before you connect the cord. Otherwise you'll use radios and it doesn't charge right.
The entire room, knowing how crazy she was just nodded their head. Yes mom, that IS how you charge your phone and/or tablet. We're not just saying this because it's easier to agree with you on something that ultimately is harmless vs argueing with you, with no real benefit on either of our ends.
But yeah. This is how boomers view technology. And print media is dead. You can only read a shampoo bottle so many times before you realize the word "poo" is in the name "shampoo", which you're reading while you poo.
And thats why boomers are mad.
Why didn't they put the newspaper in the mailbox? Because the 12 year old on a bicycle at 4am doesn't have time for your particular brand of bullshit.
Federal law prohibits anyone from putting materials into a mailbox without postage.
Otherwise I agree with you.
Oh shit.....I didn't know that. And it means I unknowingly committed federal crimes when I was 14.
I used to write these really fucked up letters, addressed to "Satan, or current home owner" with their address on the envelope. But I never put postage on it. I just put it in their mailbox.
And what I did was took a jar of strawberry jelly, and let it liquify. Then I'd dip my pinky in the liquid and use that as the "ink". Well on white paper, the whole thing looked like blood. And I would write these nonsensical letters to "Satan Claws". As if he were Santa, and would spread horror once a year on halloween.
Keep in mind, the whole letter looked like it was written in blood. Then I'd end the letter by saying "This weeks Pokemon of the week is...." and I'd staple a random picture of a pokemon cut out from Nintendo Power.
I did this once a week every week through summer break 1998.
The last letter before school started back up just said "Today was a good day, but now I have to die..." and then a "bloody" handprint. No pokemon.
After that, I never wrote another letter, but everyday in the 1998-1999 school year, I left an apple in his mailbox every week day. No explaination. Then it ended when summer break 1999 started.
Thats when we picked a random phone number and prank called it every day in the 1999 summer break until they used the police to trace the number and tried to sue my dad. Thats when the judge noticed my dad was a middle aged white guy, not a 1970s street pimp named JaMarcus. The best part is while they were IN COURT I was at Geauga Lake which was an amusement park. While they were in court, I used a payphone to prank call that number one last time.
I'd never do that stuff today, but I do laugh at how much of an asshole teenage me was. We never did hear from the guy who we wrote letters to, and left apples for. He may have been amused, or he may have disturbed. We'll never know.
You crack me up damn near every fucking day. Thank you friend
That's kinda disturbing. We're the same age and I'll tell you right now that you're exactly the kind of person that I would have been friends with because I did fucked up shit as well. Just not with as much dedication as you.
Because the 12 year old on a bicycle at 4am doesn’t have time for your particular brand of bullshit.
For 25¢ an hour, little Jimmy better damn well make the time! Sheesh, kids today have no work ethic. Back in my day, we sacrificed our souls to Lucifer Walmart for no pay or benefits and we liked it, just as Y̷̨̮͇͔̼̘̞̞͓̘̠͒͐̆̈̓̈͋̃̀̂̃̒̃͝à̵̛̬̫͈̟ḩ̶̛͕͈͍̳̩̩͎͈̀̈́͌͂͝͝w̸̡͉͚̞̟͔͕̰̭͙͍̦͛ë̸̡͓̼͔̬͇͖͇̖̟͓́ͅh̷͕̮̭̜̥̟̪̞̺̹̯̻̲̳̗̱̼̃̓̅̿̀̆̇͆̂̃̉͐̓̿͝ intended!
Magazines and we read the ingredient list of bottles, like bleech.
There used to be a basket full of old National Geographic, Newsweek, and GQ magazines in the bathroom for you and any guests to enjoy.
You've forgotten Reader's Digest.
And we can't forget the episode of Seinfeld where George takes a book into the bathroom.
We read a book or sat in silence with our thoughts. Most great ideas were created on the toilet.
Ewww, reading words from a dead tree? Gross.
you stare at a wall.
Try it next time.
Just rawdogging reality.
yeah, pretty sure that's how human life works.
Not if you do it right
i suppose if you try hard enough, that would be the case wouldn't it.
Not me. Im on copious amounts of drugs that blur reality.
that's definitely one of the solutions
My grandparents had like a basket full of magazines, comic books, etc beside the toilet. It was pretty good. They often buy weekly reader's digest and stuff like that. So it was usually new every time we visit.
Archie comic books.
In our pants. Toilets came out around the same time as smartphones, so it’s been a pretty revolutionary couple of decades around here.
Books.
In my childhood household, at all times, there were in-progress books on the back of the commode. You would simply select the one relevant to you.
Like a family relay race of books?
There were individual books per person.
That's not quite as fun
Gameboy Advance and then later a Nintendo DS or laptop and then a PSP or laptop towards the end right before I got my first smartphone lol
LOL. Playboy magazine. 70% was real articles. When you weren't pooping you wood use the other 15%.
I mostly watch pornhub for the storyline and character development dynamics trust me bro.
We did not.
I would stare out windows a lot while I was in the bathroom. If you stare at leaves in a tree and let your eyes unfocus you can see patterns and shapes. Sort of like looking for shapes in clouds.
For bathrooms without windows I think I would just use my imagination. I've got a fairly vivid one and just think about random stuff a lot.
It's hard to remember though. I have heard about people reading the ingredients of chemicals while they go, but I've never personally done that.
Shampoo bottle label, obviously.
Pooping shouldn’t be a drawn-out process. You’re better off keeping your toilet time to less than 10 to 15 minutes, says Gregory Thorkelson, M.D., a psychiatrist in the department of gastroenterology, hepatology, and nutrition at the University of Pittsburgh.
In fact, you should only make your way to the bathroom when the urge hits.
If the urge to poop isn’t there, you might be tempted to push or strain to try to get the job done.
And all that straining could lead to the development of hemorrhoids—bulging blood vessels around your anus that can become swollen and painful or even bleed.
https://www.menshealth.com/health/a19521086/time-spent-pooping/
That seems, I'm not sure the word, but not correct. You can find a doctor (any professional) to say anything.
I bring my phone and keep a book in the bathroom because I'm NOT straining. I sit down, and while gravity is doing its thing to my guts, I read a chapter. I'm not rushing or pushing or popping hemorrhoids because I'm on my phone writing a stupid comment about pooping while pooping.
I don't think Dr Greg knows how people are using their phones in the bathroom. People aren't reading the back of shampoo bottles because they're in a hurry.
That's weird. I read comments in political posts because the straining from the rage really seems to help when i don't have an urge at all.
We were much more use to undistracted time
Magazines and bird photo books
Also, fiber
Learning French (Spanish in the US) by reading the back of the toothpaste bottles and whatnot. Newspapers, crosswords and magazines were very common in household washrooms.
Sears catalog.
Ahh. I see you have good taste in porn, good sir.
Vintage static softcore is just better. It is all about what you can't see that makes it more arousing. I mean, yeah, we can't see her dilating butthole, but imagining what her winking turd cutter looks like means it is the hottest possible gaping balloon knot imagineable.
You certainly have a way with words, good sir.
Presumably on a toilet.
I had to poop really bad the other day. I had to make a run for it and didn't have time to grab my phone first. I was in and out in like 2 minutes!
I still have my OG gameboy w/ Tetris near the toilet
I used to keep a book under the sink.
Are you talking about back when the world wasn't in color?
I had a basket full of comics in the bathroom. I would get stuck there for hours sometimes
Like animals.
They didn't. Which is why boomers are full of shit.
While listening their neighbour poop.
Falcon 3.0 flight manual.
The family would get together and take turns, keeping each other company, telling poop stories, the usual.
We had magazines.
maintain eye contact with yourself in the mirrored shower door.
What else were you supposed to do on the bus ride home?
they didnt. Thats why people only lived to be like, 30 at most back then.
Y’all need more fiber.
We fell asleep on the toilet a lot.
Y'all take more than a minute to poop?