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Have your parents ever said something so unhinged that you’re just left standing there like🧍‍♂️?

1y 19d ago by sh.itjust.works/u/kingpepe8006 in asklemmy

Mine hit me with the “We're spending all this money on you now so you can’t grow up and say we didn’t spend money on you when your were a kid.”

My da told me "God does not forgive people who curse his name."

I asked "But God forgives people who sexually abuse kids?"

"If they ask for forgiveness, yes."

wHy DoNt YoU aTtEnD cHuRcH aNyMoRe??? lmao shut up.

Damn, I've never blasphemed that one. I may die and end up in heaven due to my religious upbringing. Can't have that...

FUCK THE HOLY SPIRIT

Cursing the holy spirit is not blaspheming the holy spirit.

The only way to blaspheme the Holy Spirit is to have the Holy Spirit move through you, where you know beyond any shadow of any doubt that the essence of God itself is working in your actions, to be purified and elevated above mankind, and then to claim that this purification, elevation, and miracle comes from the devil and not from God.

It is very difficult to do this, and even then, Jesus himself said you would be in danger of Hellfire, not guaranteed to go to Hell forever.

Well, at least you won't spend Eternity with a bunch of kiddie diddlers that repent before the end.

Good on you.

I believe the "angels on the head of a pin" were Victorian scholars parodying the medieval debates they were studying at the time. It's somewhat unfair because the mediaval scholars are much more sophisticated than that but the parody has endured.

Welcome to "I interpret scripture as whatever benefits me" or whatnot.

He's actually a spiritual leader in our community. It all sucks. Lol

Also: taking the Lord's name in vain is doing something bad and saying you did it for religious reasons.

Is that denominationally specific? I've never heard of it.

Knowing the actual theology is so rare in Christianity (or any religion) it's basically not an important part. Which explains history.

They're not on the same plane as everyone else. Fantasy delusion to the detriment of the living.

I’m American: my dad told me a couple years ago that immigrants were “unclean.” I’m almost 40, and that was the first time he’d ever used that phrase. That’s probably the first time I realized how “mainstream” extremism had become, since he has virtually zero online presence.

Just FYI, "first generation" refers to the first generation born in the adopted country. Which is to say, if you immigrated, your kids would be first generation Americans.

Interesting. I was explicitly taught differently in school.

Sobering up left a void. He filled it with a different bad vice. Gotta have something positive to replace a vice before attempting to remove it

I went on a trip to another country. Unfortunately, I had an accident (involving a fucking hurricane) that almost killed me.I had insurance so they covered all the medical expenses, including tickets and accomdations for one of my parents (aka: one of them could come free of charge). They decided that it was a good opportunity to visit the country since one was coming "for free" and they only had to pay for the other one.

Years later, my father told me that they are still paying the debt for the money they spent "because of me" when I had that accident so it was my fault they were in debt.

So just to reiterate: What they're paying off is literally just one of their vacation bills? I mean this would be an odd accusation even if it included other expenses but like... Huh?!

Apparently, going from europe to america buying the ticket at last minute is very expensive, they also had to add the stay in the hotel for one of them. For what he said, he spent around 9k euro on that trip (odd, i paid around 1500 for two people). Still, he threw that to me to make me feel guilty of their shitty spending habits. It was some years ago, when our relationship was already ice cold.

They both are shitty parents and now they wonder why I don't talk to them.

Damn. Yeah sounds like a very mature and responsible person 😬 I've got a dad like that too.

Yeah they... are not good parents. They always were more interested in drinking than in growing their kids. And they both try to make you feel miserable because they now have understood that they lost their children due to their own selfishness and ego.

When he tried to make me feel bad for almost dying in another country, it was the thing that snapped and made me cut the already thin ties completely.

Even if you hadn’t had insurance and they didn’t take a vacation, but one of them visited you to make sure their kid was treated well, that’s a fucking insane thing to say.

Just sitting and having a casual lunch with my dad at work. Sack lunches that my mom had made us! When he nonchalantly tells me that women aren't people and only exist for men's enjoyment. I basically completely froze out of shock as he spends the next half hour trying to use excerpts from the Bible to prove his point.

I haven't had a conversation with him since and that was nearly 20 years ago. Also realized that Christianity is not something I want to be associated with.

Funny thing is that he used to be adamant that god uses Parkinson's to punish only the worst sinners and he's got it now... Apparently there was some engine cleaning solvent my mom desperately tried to get him to stop using? The government banned it because it was giving people Parkinson's so he stocked up on it to prove my mom wrong...

Ayyy my da told me that line about women, too!

I also am a woman!

Holy shit I'm so sorry

It's okay.

Really messed me up, tbh. Told that my purpose as a woman was to get married and "please my husband", no matter what.

As a teen, my desire to like boys never manifested. My youth pastor would preach about how women were princesses whose desire was to be saved by a knight, and men were knights seeking adventure. I always wanted the adventure, and I was completely ostracized for it.

Imagine being told that your purpose is to be loved, then realizing that your true self is something nobody will ever love.

It's disturbing, and I was severely depressed throughout my entire young & teenage years.

(it got much worse, but I don't want to go over that. Just know that I escaped that shit eventually.)

Thanks for letting us know that you escaped.

And just so you know: I love my girlfriend, because she is the adventurer between us. She climbs mountains and explores exotic countries, she's rugged and confident and the coolest person I know. She is my knight and although I'm no princess, she is very much loved for wanting adventure.

Using the wrong engine cleaning solvent is a terrible sin and he's being punished for his hubris

Unhinged!! 😮😳

That end is poetic.

Like he'll it ain't. Almost every Christian sect teaches that women are "less then" ,there may not be a direct quote in the book saying woman are not real people. But the teachings of the churches most definitely leans that way.

The account you are replying to is a troll account and should be taken with 0 seriousness.👍

A sect is a sub-group of people unified by beliefs or practice, a denomination is essentially just a large named sect. Christianity is not monolithic and organises into groups, it by definition has sects.

Even if you were right it's such a ridiculously pointless and pedantic argument, it does nothing to further the conversation. You're just trying to use cheap gotchas as a thought-terminating cliche. The only thing you've done is to force us to literally argue semantics, that is not a good look for you.

For completeness, here's a Christian source using the word sect to describe Christian groups, one of the top search engine hits when I searched.

That's why we can have a woman as the pope, right?

So one of you jokers reported my reply despite it violating zero community or sitewide rules

It's pretty clear your bigotry for theism makes all of you incapable of a rational conversation on this topic

And you assumed it was me because... why? Lol mate, I haven't reported you

Yes. My mom, unprompted one day, said:

"Did you guys know that Elon Musk's Dad owns an emerald mine?"

Followed by me saying "yes, did you also know he used slave labor in apartheid South Africa to build it?"

"Well I don't really care about any of that. I just thought it was cool."

It’s brutal when the mask inevitably comes off and you realise that your parents, who were once like gods, are in fact retarded.

Slightly tangential, but it's beyond any reason that her and my dad can read the exact same Bible and parse different meanings from it. My dad is the least judgmental, least preachy Christian I know. She missed the memo, it seems.

45,000 + denominations of Christianity. Bound to be one or two differences.

True Christians leave the judgement to God. Your dad's one of the good ones.

😩😭😭, No it’s the worst. To find out that your parents are in fact retarded. They lack common sense, and they are just simply not able to learn about anything in regards to subjects or topics. Oh and don’t get my started on a one narrative regurgitated MSM news that spit out lies and shit. They are just stupid and easily brainwashed and have no common sense. They live in their own delusional bubble.

That’s a cop out. It’s not stupidity. It’s hate.

I think to some extent hate is born of stupidity, certainly fear. Probably a combination of both, fear and stupidity = hate.

thats how conservatives think, they selective hear what they want to hear.

Yep, that would be hard to respond to. WTF.

When I was little, I did something bad (I don't even remember what it was), and my mom got angry with me about it, and I was already crying, and I asked her "Do you still love me?" and she said "I don't know", and that shit has stuck with me forever and I'm sure contributes to the fact that I don't truly trust anyone. If I brought it up to her now, she'd 100% deny it.

If I brought it up to her now, she’d 100% deny it

The axe forgets; the tree remembers. It's why we should be far, far more careful than we usually are about throwing around things like that.

That's rough. I still love you, pal.

Aw, thanks, guy.

Call me buddy, friend.

Light that gas right up, mom.

I found out my parent's computer had a lot viruses because they are dumb and bought a McAffee subscription. I told them, they answered that they knew better than me, I replied that I had a degree in computer sciences, and my father laughed like the fucking idiot he is.

Let's say we don't talk about my job or computer anymore. Also I reduced the visits and phone calls that they had because I'm tired with their bullshit.

Been there. Told my genius step-father that his hand-me-down rig (from me) was showing signs of being on its last legs and he didn’t believe me.

Fast forward: it dies.

How do you think he reacted? Yeah.

I looked at him dead in the eyes and said, “if only someone with a lifetimes experience had warned you…” and walked away.

Not my problem. Made him buy a new one.

While writing my master thesis my professor suddenly left the university. Noone ever really knew why and there was no official statement other than a short sentence on the website that Prof. XYZ has left the department. My master thesis was on hold while I had to find a new professor. My mother, who has always accused me of being lazy and lying, insisted that it was all a lie. When I pointed out the news on the university website, she said: "I don't know how you hacked the website and got it to display your lies, but I'm not falling for your deceit." I am not a computer science major, I studied linguistics.

I am not a computer science major, I studied linguistics.

We're not falling for your deceit, Noam Chomsky. You probably used some context-free grammar to hack the website.

You're in a masters program and your mom thinks you're lazy.....

Well, according to her, university degrees are all worthless nowadays and "a masters is at a level a high school degree used to be at". She also told me my As were worthless because "everybody gets an A nowadays just for showing up to class".

I have a lot of respect for you! Keep being motivated and being ambitious!

What are you supposed to do? Is there anything you could do that would be valuable in her eyes?

Nope. I've been no contact for years, but when I still had contact, she just kept moving the goalpost. When I had good grades in school: They don't mean anything, only the grades for Abitur (A-Levels) count. When I had good grades in Abitur: It means nothing, noone will ever ask for your Abitur grades again. Only the university degree counts. When I had my bachelors: Bachelor is worthless, only the master is a REAL degree. When I had my master degree: The master degree is worthless.... And that's the point where I cut contact with her.

"What do you mean you're working? You're just sitting in your room all day."

just like the trope of asian parents, not good enough.

The day my niece was born, my mom had asked me to wake her up so that she could be there after the birth.

Apparently, me actually doing what she asked me to do turned out to be a grave insult.

She ended up yelling and screaming at me, which triggered me, so I started yelling and screaming at her, and then she hit me with the only thing she could think of to actually hurt me.

See, from before I get into that, I've got to explain that from the time I was 15 until I graduated high school at 17, my mom and my stepdad essentially locked me in my room and only let me out for punishment, which was digging up stumps in the backyard or picking up a rock from one pile and hauling it to another pile, picking up a different rock from that pile, hauling that one to the third pile, back and forth. for eight to ten hours a day, And for going to school, just enough to prevent CPS from being called on them.

There was also a healthy dose of corporal punishment on top of that, being beaten for half an hour or longer for the smallest infraction.

It really messed with my head because I honestly thought like at some point they would come to their senses and realize how absurd the entire thing was and apologize and they never fucking did.

Anyway, now that we've got the groundwork in place, my mom decided she would say the thing that she could think of to hurt me, which was to tell me that her mother, my evil grandmother, had convinced her to do all of those things because otherwise no one would ever love me.

And why is it that otherwise no one would ever love me?

because I'm not white

My mom had shamed the entire family by marrying a Native American and giving birth to his child, And my grandmother, who is evil for multiple reasons, and I'll be glad to go into those, cause may she rot in piss, was a terrible person, had decided that the only way to cleanse the family of the stain of my existence was to psychologically induce my own mother into tormenting me in every single possible way she could.

And so every single time I think about all the opportunities I missed out on and all the times my mom wasn't there for me and all of the times that I was neglected and abused throughout my entire childhood, it all rolls back to my grandmother being a racist cunt, and my mother somehow not realizing that for what it was, and just being a good little flying monkey and doing whatever her mother told her to do with her own fucking child.

So yeah, I was abused because my grandmother is racist, and I didn't find out about that until I was 23 years old.

No, you're not breaking it to me. This is something I already know quite well.

I didn't know it at the time, though.

I was blessed with that hopeful naivety of a child who tells themselves "if they just love hard enough, eventually it will all come together" that abusive people truly relish.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. You mentioned that the naivite of a child helped you not remembering this as so bad. I would like to suggest as kindly as possible you attend therapy for a while to process this out of sheer self love.

You didn't deserve this and you sure as hell don't deserve the invisible wounds that this presumably left. You deserve life and love and please love yourself and your chocolate skin. :)

I'm native, not black, lol. My skin is more caramel.

Well caramel is as delicious, same rule applies :)

Going to see witches vs saving your soul, it's a no brainer, really.

Church of christ?

My dad, the tech genius that he is, has been against every minor step forward since the 90's:

"Why do i need an answering machine, if they need me, they'll call back." He worked for himself as a handyman, so this is plain ridiculous. Finally, someone gives him an answering machine and suddenly it's "This is awesome! I never miss a call! I've got so much work!" Later it was "Why do I need a debit card? I can just write a check!" which evolved to "It's so convenient! I can get gas, even when they're closed!" He repeated the answering machine argument when cell phones arrived, and repeated the results when he finally got one.

It's a running theme in his life. The one that really gobsmacked me was when he proudly declared "the Internet can't hurt me if i don't get on it!"

"the Internet can't hurt me if i don't get on it!"

Wise words, old man. o7

I think the saddest part about this is the phenomenon where people who didn't understand tech were scared of new stuff that was actually really neat and helpful....

...and nowadays they're ridiculously trusting of shiny user-friendly corporate garbage that spies on them and manipulates them.

Hilariously relevant username, considering I was just going to reply with a "we're too far from swinging in the trees now to handle it".

Haha yay, first time I got a "username checks out"! :D hahaha.

Reject predatory techbro products, return to monke! XD

Just last week I was re-patching some nasty piece of business logic at a client for a day and remembered the application "Filter Top" from the nineties, where I solved a similar (but slightly simpler) problem on a far inferior less advanced platform in a few minutes with a GUI even.

Return to monke. I'm with you.

I fought against getting a contactless debit card for so long. I used to call my bank a month or so before my card expired demanding a non-contactless card. "But sir, you could just not activate the contact..." I don't want any of it. I'd say "when I forget my pin it's time to go home" paying chip and PIN like a peasant. I probably said "PIN Number" for how stupid I was being.

Anyway, contactless payment is awesome.

My fears are still grounded. Originally it was because, near weekly, I saw someone paying with a card they just picked off the floor. I hated the limit being so high long before they raised it, let alon after they raised it again. Also a skill check before ordering another beer has some merit.

i went tapa nd pay with CC recently, because i was still using the sliding feature for the longest time, because cc stealers can easily put on thier readers in a matter of seconds you wouldnt know.

So when you walk up to a terminal with your Visa and you tap your card it inputs a one time code. That code only matches up on the point of sale/banks end. If they take the same code and try to transmit it at say Wendy's, it won't work, as it has already been used. If someone swipes your card with a magnetic strip, or reads the numbers off manually and enters them online/in person/or over the phone the information will stay the same and can be used at elsewhere.

Most of the anti tap worries are unfounded fear. Also the terminals that allow payments for two to pay also get registered so if someone steals a terminal to modify it, the terminal would be reported stolen by the owner, or if the terminal was purchased by the theif, it would have to be registered by them, and once again can get an investigation pointed in their direction fairly quickly. Is it possible to beat, I'm sure, but it's MUCH easier to just jot down the numbers or skim thee strip

Tell me you're American without telling me you're American. That hasn't been an option where I am for nearly 2 decades.

I had moved away a few years and my mother was homeless due to her own choices and lack of effort to do anything. My wife and I were in town visiting her family, and we decided to take my mother out to dinner. During the meal she was (rightly) complaining about the perils of being homeless and having to watch out for the pigs. I suggested that she look into getting into some government housing. You know her response?

"I don't want to be the light in he dark."

If you're as confused as I pretended I was, she means she didn't want to live with/around black people. Which was really fucking surprising to me, considering we had lived with, around, and had been friends with all kinds of POC growing up (as you you tend to do in poor and mixed neighborhoods and when you have to rent out rooms to get by). That level of racism was rather surprising, but she had become toxic as fuck in the years before I moved, so it shouldn't have been.

does she have a job? and if not, was it the same reason to, because i dont "like working with POCs"

I was talking to my father about the war in Palestine (my family and I are Jewish so its not unusual). I said "hey maybe peace is a better way of combatting terrorism", he responded that concentration camps should be built to combat terrorism and strip the Palestinians of their culture and identity.

"When education isn't liberating, the dream of the oppressed is to become the oppressor" - Paulo Freire

Excellent quote and deeply, tragically profound.

l've noticed the modern philosophizing kids have distilled this mentality down to the mocking phrase:

"One day I'll get to be the one wearing the boot! :D"

It's an extremely unfortunate quote especially when you consider the context of Paulo Freire's work: he was an educator that understood that teaching should not be an assembly line even back in 1960s, when the adult illiterate population was very large. One of his feats was coming with with a method that successfully meshed adults' livelihoods and work as means to teach them how to read and write in record time. To the country's despair, the 1964 coup killed any chance of his method being applied nationwide. He was jailed for a bit over 2 months as "traitor" then had to exile himself.

Yet, to this day, he's demonized by the political right as a subversive communist and the main "culprit", according to them, for the failures of our education system ("they only teach ideology at schools and universities!!!!"), despite his methods only ever being applied in very limited places and times.

conservatives never going to schools love to say that about schools, but are silent on christian only schools.

Hypocrisy is their specialty

Man, I love that quote. I hadn't seen it before.

I'm pretty skeptical anyone has the answer on how to educate in the way that's being implied, though. Humans love to hate.

Thats sadly what happened to my people

Parent told me I shouldn't hold it against my older sibling who abused me when I was younger because the older sibling also remembered my birthday and got me toys when I was younger

My Dad's gone totally off the rails conspiracy theory nutty.

Fake moon landings, fluoride in the water is mind control, vaccines cause autism and maybe microchips and mind control again, foreign people are simultaneously lazy stealing benefits and stealing all the jobs, my god the racism. He fell into an echo chamber during COVID and hasn't come out again.

The best one was when I was telling him as a healthcare professional on the front lines watching patients and colleagues die that COVID was serious and we should take any opportunity to avoid it and make it better, he told me it was just flu and all fake news.

Yeah I don't talk to my parents much anymore.

There's a good chance your dad knows my aunt. She also fell down a rabbit hole of conspiracy theories during the pandemic and it's driven away her family and she doesn't understand why. One time a bunch of her friends bullied me on Facebook for being pro-vaccine and my Mom said she didn't know any of those people and my aunt likely met them online through conspiracy bullshit groups

I am glad your mom gave birth to you, friend.

Plus now you can relish the fact that she had to go through the pain of childbirth.

I'll forgive you if you come back to God. My crime was finally standing up to her abuse and her insane religious bullshit (at 16) and moving out (at 18). Conditional love, just like Jesus preached lol

My girlfriend is far more religious than I am. I have simply explained to her that God and I have a different relationship (we do) and that I do talk with Him regularly (I do) and He and I have a mutual understanding (we do). I still love my girlfriend. I know she would be beyond happy if I went to church and studied The Bible more but at the same time I think she respects where I am.

Why can't people be more like that is beyond me. That said, she's not American. There was a study done recently with the new Pope and apparently the results were that the majority of Americans get their religious opinions not from their church but from their TV.

That's scary AF.

My mother did the slitty eyed gesture and said that there were too many chi*ks here, in the car part for a large asian grocery store in the local chinatown that she had chosen to go to, to buy asian food. Yes other people heard and saw what she did, including asians. This was more than twenty years ago so not linked to the current rise of more overt racism.

She did it before it was cool!

"We shouldnt have accepted east germany. They just get out money." And that its their fault for getting a dictatorship

"I hit and abused you because i was overwhealmed because of you" (i have adhd and autism)

We dont talk. She doesnt understand why.

"I hit and abused you because i was overwhealmed because of you"

She never outright said as much but I always assumed my mother did the same for similar reasons (considering me and all my siblings have anxiety and depression, I suspect poorly self-medicating, on her end, but I'm not one to armchair diagnose); there was just too much…vigor in the punishment for me to think it was proper formation that was at the forefront of her mind.

My relationship with them was already in very thin ice due to repeated trust issues over the years, but what finally sealed it was my coming out to my dad and his response being "it's all because of this woke generation". Coming from someone who I thought had a very left leaning stance, therapy over the following years made me realize just how shitty and homophobic they really were. Turns out I'm probably more bi than gay (also ace), but it still stands.

one time when I was little I heard my mum making weird noises in her room. i didn't go check why. the next morning i asked her why were you making weird noises? she said "I was imagining eating Chinese food that was so good"

She was flicking the bean, wasn't she?

What, a woman can't enjoy imagining a succulent Chinese meal?

Get your hands off my clitoris!

even at the time I was sceptical lol

Savouring the hot dog

Slurping the ramen broth

My dad recently buult a new garden shed in the garden for tools and gardening stuff. He now started refering to the gazebo in the same garden as "the old shed" for some fucking reason. We were doing something that required power and ge asked me to plug in an extension in the shed. I do that and a couple minutes later he berates me and says he meant the old shed. When I asked if he meant the gazebo, he looked at me as if I had slapped him in the face. We've had the gazebo for about 15 years now I think and nobody ever called anything but that.

Damn.

As they got more and more out there on pre-MAGA conservative media, the unhinged hits just kept on coming. But probably the most unhinged was their belief that "90 percent of Black males are in a gang." Sad.

Had they said that about cops in the US, I would believe it.

My dad's advice was that the cops are a gang.

That's just true though

they always were, even thier "UNION" isnt a true union its a mafia capable of strongarming any area they work in.

Two weeks after I explained to my father why I had an abortion ... and he calmly said he understood my reasons ... he told me I'd murdered his grandchild.

He was a real winner, my dad.

I'm so sorry he responded like that, he's not the one who would have carried, birthed, and raised that child. I hope you're doing okay and are at peace with the decision you made.

Thanks. I'm good. I thought long and hard about it beforehand because I didn't want to regret my decision.

I kind of feel like when she's had 9 kids you shouldn't be surprised when she thinks about going for 10 tbh

Lady likes getting knocked up, you know this

I mean it might be true for your mum since she had 9 kids.

Yeah not defending her to be clear. Maybe being pregnant was something special in her twisted mind in a way.

Reading through this I totally get why the world is the way it is.

Most people are actually really fucking dumb.

Fifty percent of people are dumber than the average. Of course a much smaller percentage are REALLY effing dumb.

"Think how stupid the average person is, then realize half the people are more stupid than that"- George Carlin

Shouldn't it be the median person?

<shaking my head> Statistics majors! Whadda ya gonna do? But yes.

There's a plurality of people clustering around 100 though, which is why it's the baseline IQ.

The silent majority.

For some reason the conservatives in the UK are really keen on pointing out that the "silent majority are with [them]" on their policies. However, originally that phrase referred to the dead so it all sounds a bit strange when you keep that in mind.

Weird how the silent majority always sides with whoever is speaking

A few days ago my mom made a "joke" that clearly having good kids skipped a generation right after commenting about how well behaved my kids were.

With my own kids now I've been realizing how many of the "behaviors" my parents would complain about and expect me to improve upon were just normal kid stuff

"must be good parenting skipped a generation"

My mother used to call me a son of a bitch until I one day replied "I know".

Or

"I don't believe in god because of the things He has done to me, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't believe in Him"

She also talked about her "schizo friend" quite a lot, as if the events were recent, even though there was no chance she had seen the person in over a decade.

We don't speak anymore.

Reminds me of a day when my mother and i had a "your mom joke battle" (friendly)
I think it ended when she said something like "your mom is so bad, she only managed to get dumb and ugly kids"

See my sibling comment. We also don't speak anymore. But I do send flowers on her bday and mom's day.

My mother telling me I should not think that she makes any money with me. (Backstory: Was living with her, dad paid alimony child support). I was baffled, because even when I lowkey suspected that, it was not even a relevant thing for our conversation at this time.

A few years later, when I wanted to move out for studying it was suddendly a problem, because she could not make the full payments for her house without the alimony child supprt from my dad. So I stayed.

Some more years down the line I finally wanted to move out, as I had a full time job in sight and wanted to live with my boyfriend. I was in my mid-twenties. Basically the conversation was the same as before, she could not pay for her house without me. She could not answer my question how she thought this would work out. Was she expecting me to live with her until she paid for the house? Because this would be up until my forties, maybe longer. The house is not big enough for two families, so it was never an option for me and my bf to move in. Of course I moved out.

What happened with your mom after you moved out?

She somehow managed to keep the house, but struggles to this day with payments. Does not want to move in a flat, because the house has more room for possibilities and a garden. Also says I should get the house someday but it is unclear when or how this should take place. She tried to make a deal with me and my boyfriend (now husband) a while ago, but the terms on her side werde very loosley written out and had too much room for malicious intent in the long run. Also the payments are very high, because she made a bad deal in regards of the interest rates, so me and my husband also would struggle financially and we do not want a house this bad.

Sounds like she wanted you to get a house, so she can move in for free. She's probably claiming you as a dependant, or using you to get more money from alimony or the state if you were living with her

Actually the plan for giving me the house included that she would move out. But she wanted to be imprecise in how I/We would pay her back for the amount she already payed for the house. Switched back and forth inbetween money and/or getting to live with us sooner or later (so basically what you say). She also did not say how much money we would then owe her and wanted to let that open specifically, which could basically result in us paying the left amount (which we should have done in her name, she wanted us to pay HER the amount every month so that then she would pay the bank) plus "rent" to her endlessly.

kinda wierd shes not telling you the details of the payments on the house, no wonder she is struggling payments, she might assumed certain things? usually when they try to free-load they tell you how much it is owed, or how much money they need.

Child support would happen if you lived with one parent and the other parent pays.

Alimony (as far as I know) has nothing to do with having a kid there or not.

So I’m not sure why her alimony would change if you move out. It would change if she got remarried.

Alimony, also known as spousal support or spousal maintenance, is a court-ordered financial payment made from one spouse to another during or after a divorce. Its purpose is to help the recipient maintain a similar standard of living to what they had during the marriage. The amount and duration of alimony are determined by a judge based on various factors, including the length of the marriage, the financial circumstances of both spouses, and their ability to support themselves (this paragraph copied from Google).

Ah sorry, this was an phrasing error on my side. I meant child Support! Will correct that.

No problem on the phrasing.

I've seen things like what you describe where the parent was using the child support in that manner. Becomes a real problem when the kid leaves home. Always interesting when the one paying child support stops the payment to the ex and starts giving it to the kid (because they are going to college). Suddenly the kid sees who's really helping and who isn't.

Exactly. For me it was relatively clear the older I got, as my father had to give me pocket money and pay for my extracuricullars on top of child support. I was not eating much (smallish, lean, not really sport oriented) and was getting some new clothes maybe twice a year, one time mostly as part of my birthday present.

My parents are good people, but my mom doesn’t know anything about technology. There was an incident where something was wrong with her computer. I had to go over and fix it. She said she couldn’t get the screen to come on no matter how much she moved the mouse.

The mouse was unplugged, cord hanging off behind the desk.

She said the mouse had somehow popped itself out and asked if there was one that couldn’t do that.

Cordless mouse?

I was like always told to respect them before beating me and telling me how much of a dumb, useless piece of shit I am and that I should be thankfull they did not abandone me and decided to put up with such an eyesore.

I guess they never heard that you have to actually earn the respect and now wonder why I won't call them more than once a week.

Once a week seems to bee a lot given in this case...

The TLDR is my mom is super manipulative and has threatened to kill herself if we don't & if she does my brother will probably follow her.

I know they are both their own people and what they do is their own decision... but I would feel bad for my brother, so I play along once a week.

This sounds like a dick move, but if somebody tells you to your face that if you do not do a thing, they will murder themselves and it will be your fault, the only correct response is to tell them to go ahead and murder themselves.

Actually, suicidal people typically don't broadcast their suicidal ideations. When people do broadcast them, it's either a cry for help or it is a manipulation tactic.

The cry for help people can be differentiated from the manipulation tactic people by frequency.

People will cry for help a couple of times in their lives. Manipulators will manipulate at every opportunity.

Using a sibling as an additional point of manipulation is another tactic of manipulators.

No, the correct response is to tell that person to go fuck themselves. That is the worst kind of manipulation. I feel bad for you, using your brother's tendencies against you is a ridiculous level of evil in my opinion. It depends on your brother and your relationship with him, of course. But I would be willing to bet that she does not go through with it.

Besides, that is a very un-nuanced threat: what would happen if you called biweekly? Would she half-kill herself? What if you made it every month?

Sorry son, I am 3.7% dead because you missed our 168-hour schedule.

Butter holds no value to me anymore and it's all your fault.

'Gravity is caused by the rotation of the earth'

apparently that's what they taught back when she was a kid

But how even?!

Well that's how it works in Larry Niven's Ringworld and also Halo. They just thought the earth was a ring.

It was either in one of the books or an easily missed line in Halo 1, but the Halos actually don't spin fast enough for the amount of surface gravity they have, implying artificial gravity is involved.

Halo arrays and RIngworld work because objects in frictional contact with the inner side of the boundary material are imparted linear velocity by the motion of the structure, that's not at all how it works on planets.

Even if Earth were tide locked to the sun it would still have the same exact degree of pull on other mass-having bodies. A ring array that stops spinning has occupants who experience free fall

Here's another fun fact: A ringworld exerts zero net gravitational force on anyone inside of it. It's one of the implications of shell theorem.

not exactly true, a sphereworld this would be thecase

Around the edges of the ring structures you would get minute tidal effects

Not if the ring curves inward at the edges, conforming to a section of a sphere.

Which neither the HALO arrays or Rimworld do....

Maybe cause The force can simulate gravity. That's why you see rotating stuff in sci-fi.

Maybe they mixed it up with magnetism? Because our magnetic field is due to the rotation of the earth's iron-nickle core.

No, she specifically stated gravity and when she was being educated, geologists weren't even aware that earth had a separate, differentially spinning core.

Also this was Florida so our schoolbooks were 50 years out of date too

Not really unhinged just ignorant.

After my mother passed, I spent more time with my father than before, just because I thought it was the right thing to do (and my siblings really did not care that much). I realized why I did not have a lot if contact before, he us a classic toxic boomer narcissist.

Spending more time with him did not mean that we grieved my mother's loss as a family, it was just him monopolizing the grief and needing an audience wallow in self pity. I had no say in any aspect of the funeral, he did not listen to anything I said, he never even once asked how I was, and when I talked about stuff from my life (because someone else asked), he started talking over me, making the conversation about him again. Classic narcissist parent playbook.

At some point i was fed up, and told him as much, which of course did not go over well. Complete disbelief, he acted as if I had insulted him, yelling, accusations of being ungrateful, all the bells and whistles. Not a single thought that this behaviour might have been wrong. I just left and cut contact. After a week or so he wrote me what I think was meant as an apology. What he "apologized" for was that because of his greatness, he was always the center of attention which of course emphasized my insignificance, which he can see made me feel bad. It was so grotesque that I burst out in manic laughter, my wife was seriously worried.

The good thing about this, it made me slowly unwrap what I now realize is a lot of childhood drama (which I thought was normal), and understand why my siblings basically don't want anything to do with him. Still struggling to take the step to seek professional therapy (which I know I need), but I already feel better starting to understand that how my father treated me was not because I am worthless, but because he was a really bad dad.

Have you heard of a book called Adult Children of Immature Parents? I dont known if it entirely applies to you, but it helped me put words to what i experienced growing up.

My dad once said he never hit me as a kid. I was like "bro what world are you living in?"

There's too many.

Off the top of my head, a fav dark one might be their serious quoting the Bible to me about how any child that isn't respectful or submissive should be killed.

Some fucked interpretation of Deuteronomy about stoning a child in public or something.

"Dinner's only a couple of hours away. Why don't you wait?"

Because I had just finished a sponsored fast for charity and hadn't eaten for two days.

My step dad believes that the history of the physical world is as his mother explained it to him 70 years ago.

"I love you, but I don't always like you"

Cool. Thanks. Feels just amazing.

I mean they were probably being honest. Kids are annoying sometimes.

Source: Was an annoying kid.

But you don't tell them.

Counterpoint: You were an asshole sometimes.

That's just being honest, but it needs a lot more explanation to not be hurtful.

I love my racist, homophobic mother. I get the statement completely.

I remember talking about how the sun is relatively small compared to how big stars can get. Then my dad said “wait, the sun isn’t a star…” He basically thought the sun’s technical term was “a sun” and that stars are actually as tiny as they appear to us in the sky.

Stars are holes in the blanket caused by people doing good deeds

You can do anything through the hole in the blanket.

even the good deed ?

Well, he was in the lucky 10,000 big time that day.

shouldve showed him youtube videos of size comparison between stars, and planets and nebulas.

I don't remember if my parents have said something crazy. Maybe the time mom told me not to stir the tea a certain way because the clanking offended the spirits. Asked her about it years later and said she didn't say that. Lol

You were just being a loud little shit.

Nah i don't like the clanking sound too cuz i have sensitive hearing so might be the same with your mother i guess?

Sounds like something out of a dream, could she never have said it?

It was during the holidays and many people were around. It's likely that someone else said it and she repeated that to me but my memory is hazy. It's been so long.

The monster that raised me was a real piece of work.

Context: she adopted me and 3 others. The other 3 were adopted when she was a single parent.

  • “I didn’t want you. <ex husband> did.”
  • “Stick to your own kind.” (In front of my mixed-ethnicity siblings, when I introduced a girl I was seeing to her)
  • ”Ain’t no son of mine is going to be a <slur>” (all 3 of my siblings had developmental disorders, I only asked to be tested)
  • “I don’t want that <homophobic slur> in my house no more, I don’t want AIDS”
  • “If you really hate me that much go back to your whore mother, she didn’t want you either”
  • ”Nobody wants you, I don’t even want you.” (She used this one a lot)
  • ”Where would you be if I didn’t take you in?” (Also used this one a lot)
  • ”Read. My. Lips.” (I had moderate to severe hearing loss back then, and she refused to learn sign language. She would also get right in my face when she did that)
  • ”You a <homophobic slur> now?” (When I pierced both of my ears)
  • ”If you move out don’t ever come back, don’t call me, don’t talk to me, don’t ask me for diggity shit”

That last one was fun. I met my partner and snuck out in the middle of the night to fly across the world just to get away from her. She reported me as kidnapped multiple times even after I contacted the detectives AND her to let her know I was only following instructions. Then she denied she ever said that. That was the last time I spoke to her, over a decade ago.

I’m in therapy twice a week for the past few years, was recently diagnosed with adhd and autism, and non-binary transfem. My partner is Indonesian. She can rot in piss.

"Cults do like to cut off and distance their members from outsiders and their families" In the same email that he was threating to block me for suggesting his quoting of a Nazi might be a bad thing.

Close second: "Trump (married to a woman) is misogynist" but also "I (British), married to a Malay, can't be racist because I'm married to a Malay".

Honourable mention: "I don't like the word 'Islamophobia' or your Newspeak". My guy, Newspeak was famous for doing something to the dictionary, and it wasn't adding words to describe more concepts.

Anyway, he blocked me... Like cultists do. All quotes are paraphrased, I CBA digging through the emails.

To anyone and no-one:

“To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize,” Kevin Alfred Storm, noted Neo-Nazi caught with a non zero amount of child porn, talking about Jews. Also, paraphrased by William H, talking about Muslims.

Macy?

Basically anything full on Cult of Personality for Trump plus steadily increasing levels of fundamentalism Christianity. Holidays have been getting.......tense to say the least.

You don't get to pick the family you're born into. You do get to pick your family as an adult.

Sure. But I am unwilling to just throw away people who have been my foster parents since I was seven, saving me from a drug fueled abuser who had already tried to kill me once. As such I am willing to stomach a bit more than some of my contemporaries.

It was easier for me to throw away blood related people that raised me, than put up with the stress of dealing with their lie based reality 20 years ago. I don't miss the drama at all. I occasionally miss one of the almost 20 "relatives" that I cut off. Thing is that I have over 8 billion cousins out there, so I can make up for the bigots with actual humans, rather than subhuman scum.

Reading this makes me realize how many people had really fucked up childhoods. I feel sorry for all of you, don't give up hope for humanity, and choose (if you can) how to live your own life. There are better people out there.

Or at least, people capable of being normal and keeping their massive character faults to themselves.

  • you are pathetic
  • you make me want to vomit
  • you are disgusting
  • you are a disloyal, condescending asshole
  • you are sickening
  • I can’t wait until I no longer have to be around you

Borderline Personality Disorder is not a ride I ever asked to be on.

My step father told me about the time he told my biological father that he had slept with my mom.

I was a small child and we were all living in a house together, my mom, biological father and step father(my bio dads bff at the time). Step father took my bio father out and told him what they had done. My bio father was so happy to hear the news he shook my step father's hand and thanked him profusely. He then proceeded to tell my step father how he wanted to burn the house down with me and my mom in it so this is the best news he could possibly get.

After my step father told me this story he followed it up with "at that moment I should have known and left your mother" 🫠

** record scratch noises **

I'm guessing your Mom is now on 'team Bear'.

I would consider that your Mom is the problem here except that the dudes lumped you in with being burned alive, and that suggests they are the PoS.

Lol she's on team dead and yes.

My dad said various things about “dirty Mexicans”, eugenic stuff about black people or people with severe mental handicaps, and always had some offhand extreme solution for non-conformists who rocked the boat.

He kept it mostly under wraps when I was younger, but as he got older and the Fox News worm ate into his and his social circle’s brains it started leaking out a lot more.

Being sent off to “military school” was an occasional threat. Like that was going to magically fix things.

I was eating dinner with my dad a year ago when he told me about how he believes jews secretly run the world and that there’s something fishy about the Rothschilds. I burst out laughing thinking my dad had suddenly developed a very modern online sense of humor, but unfortunately no.

I’ve never known my dad to be antisemitic, and he even explained that regular jews are a different group from the ones in control.

I straight up told him it’s ridiculous and that he needs to get off the internet, but he never agreed with me. I still don’t know how to handle the situation really.

Oh and my mom went borderline sovereign citizen a few years ago, but I don’t remember what insane thing she said first.

I straight up told him it’s ridiculous and that he needs to get off the internet...

Which is especially crazy when I imagine I'm not the only one who was constantly told my personally developed views were influenced purely from "listening to all those liberals on the internet."

Confirmation bias is a helluva drug, pops. :(

What’s wild is that my dad is a democrat, “union man”, who is himself otherwise liberal. He agrees that there’s a class war, but that the rich are organized specifically by a few secret unimaginably rich jewish families for unclear purposes.

Well like all lunatic right wing theories this has a kernel of truth. He just needs to strike Jewish, and the purpose is even more money.

From personal experience the "you're overthinking it, its just class warfare nothing else and that is bad enough " was to me the more effective way of pulling well meaning generally liberal/left leaning people back from the edge of the lunatic to fascism pipeline. I once made the mistake of doing "yes and (the Jesuits and the Medici)" in an ill advised attempt at humor. That person is not in my life anymore. It was far too comfortable being a hateful lunatic around me.

He's so close… He's even distinguishing that the problem is social class, just not taking the racism part out of it. There might actually be hope in his case.

He's even distinguishing that the problem is social class, just not taking the racism part out of it.

Seeing the world turn a blind eye to Gaza confirms that powerful zionists have at least partial control over the western narrative.

"Powerful" being the operative term. It's a reason to hate the rich, not to hate the Jews.

I mean, there are some dark unhinged things in the pipeline of wtf memories, but I prefer the funny and lighthearted ones.

Like when my 80something year old dad got into Shawn the Sheep and Bluey and would start babbling on about the lore in the shows and explain character arcs for different characters and letting me know that this or that season is awesome but that the latest season was total ass.

He also named his lawnmower after one of the characters in one of the shows and actively refers to it by that name when he talks about his gardening projects.

some_guy's mother: Something something the gays, I just wish they didn't have to be so in your face about it.

The money thing is such a fucked up thing to say. “Do you know how much money you cost?!” As if the price of raising children is something a 6 yo is responsible for!

If I was gay I’d have to be lobotomized, not would or could, I’d have to be.. and he’d do it himself. 10 yo and wanted my dad dead.

And the insane gaslighting! He’d stink of cigarettes, reeeeek! Clearly he’d been smoking, but would deny it with the shittiest lies: person X blew smoke in my face! I walked past someone who smoked!

Or when I got a bicycle, dad would guilt trip me af for having spent money on it. And whenever I couldn’t cycle, meaning it would take 10 yo me an hour to get there (20ish KM), he’d be fuming and say he’d sell the bike since I’m not using it..

I’m firmly a believer that having children shouldn’t be allowed for everyone. Some people are terrible and should be sterilized and enslaved. I just don’t know how to implement it, yet!

from what the op description is saying, basically the parents think its transactional investment, so they expect to be repaid in full or more in the future. im suspecting they are saying it so they can ask for free money down the line to pay thier own mismanaged finances, or they will ask op to "retire" them by living with OP rent free.

We’re spending all this money on you now so you can’t grow up and say we didn’t spend money on you when your were a kid.

C'mon now, don't be ungrateful. I mean... you made the conscious decision to be born, right?

...

/s, obvously.

kinda like alot of parents actually, they expect to be paid when they retired, or retire for free or moving into your house. this is what op parents are saying. its a wierd mental gymnastics. basically saying" oh way paid for your're child hood, we should be able to use "you" as our retirement. sounds super transactional to be honest, usually parents dont say that to kids, they are required to do this for kids. unless they are loaning them money/rent to op when he/she was an adult, that would somewhat different.

Let me add to that, this is something my own mother said while being of sound mind:

  • parents should have the right to kill their children if they become unruly (She said it twice)

Sounds like your parents might be in financial trouble to say that. Trying to guilt trip you into.giving them money, or expecting you to be a golden goose.

I had a fight with my sister and I threw away a box of brownies in anger, and my parents told me they should have just gone ahead with the abortion instead of backing down from it because my grandfather wouldn't allow it, I don't know if I hate my parents or my grandfather more.

When she admitted that one of my teachers was interesting and if not for the reason that she was already in a relationship she might have tried flirting with him because he was cute

Don't see what's so bad about that. Parents are people too

I too dont think it would have been bad, that was just unhinged

My grandparents came to the US from Germany. Upon hearing my dad say black people that don’t like trumps (1.0) America should go back to Africa, i reminded him that most of them are way more American than we are. I could hear his brain break through the phone

yeah. the majority of stuff they'd say was like that, in fact. it's part of why i don't talk to them anymore lol

Yeah my dad has said so many things that have left me stunned. I have had to explain tax brackets to this man so many fucking times. He keeps thinking if he goes up a bracket the overall tax % will increase and therefore he will actually have less money.