How are you supposed to act after people admit you are right about something they initially denied?
3mon 15d ago by lemmy.ml/u/tastemyglaive in autism@lemmy.ml
When I make people feel wrong I feel really really really really really bad and it sticks with me forever
I try to be gracious about it, because I want to make it easy for them to keep doing it in the future
Graciousness is too regal. How do I let them know I obtained the knowledge by trawling through the great swamps without admitting to wasting one's time. That I don't even deserve to have thoughts
"imagine what the next thing will be".
Be happy/excited for them they've taken a small step out from under the shadow of ignorance and into the light of knowledge. You helped them do that.
Sometimes it's like ripping off a plaster. A brief discomfort for the greater good.
not all, but many NTs tend to see that (post-"victory" happiness) as smugness or gloating, etc.
it's not wrong to enjoy or to be optimistic for the other person, but they may sometimes feel that they've been defeated and which is often considered intrinsically a bad thing, or as a type of unwarranted aggression. so positivity after that can be interpreted as bad manners, cruelty, rudeness, any number of negative things.
all I'm saying is, it pays to proceed cautiously if you value the relationship.
Indeed. It's specific to the situation, every time
Oh that's good I just stare at people. Is that good?
to crush your enemies
see them driven before you
and to hear the lamentation of their women
Have you figured out how to accept compliments?
I'm not saying i have the answer to this, but i also worry about damaging the relationship in those cases. so i instinctively end up trying to validate something about the other's words, their situation, their values, the thought process which led then to their initial argument, or anything else i can think of. something like
- "but i can totally understand how someone would feel that way (their initial position) considering (reasons)"
- or "but what do i know, I've never (had certain relevant experience)"
if I'm honest i feel super awkward doing so after having argued/debated against their side. and I'm always afraid they'll call me out as a hypocrite, a pedantic simp, or just a plain idiot who doesn't pay attention to my own words....
and much of the time, the other person ignores my effort. at least that's no worse than if i didn't say anything extra.
but sometimes, their expression will change from confused/irritated to relieved. or they'll confirm that they were convinced by me and don't resent what I've said. so it can work.
Have you figured out how to accept compliments?
That one is easy: Say thank you with a Mona Lisa-smile, then go on about your day.
It's a pure formalism, because any interpretation of what they said, how they said it, of your own thoughts or feelings on it, is 100% pure speculation. Thus you simply accept it formally with a mild smile and a "thank you" and leave everything else (thinking about it, discussing it, etc.) for a later time.
It's very similar to how you're supposed to take/accept criticism.
I AM NOT MAKING THE SMUG ANIME FACE