What's the best piece of advice you were ever given?
2mon 2d ago by lemmy.ca/u/a_gee_dizzle in asklemmy
Title
Emotional and ready to quit your job/break up with someone/confront someone?
Write down what you want to say/write. WRITE IT ALL DOWN.
Wait 24 hours. Read it again.
Do you still think you should send it? Then send it.
80% of the time my issue was stupid and my reaction inappropriate, but because I kept my mouth shut, all I had to do was tear up a piece of paper.
Thanks dad. That’s served me well.
Also, even if you are making the right descision in breaking things off, often the more you say the more ammo/pain you are giving to the other party. Most of the time, the "wait 24h" trick makes you realize you are saying too much.
Admitting a mistake is NOT the same as admitting weakness or stupidity.
Depends on the culture:
in empiricist/objective science-culture, that's true, but in authority-based cultures, .. that won't work.
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When admitting to a mistake be sure to address how you plan to fix it. Especially if it's a mistake at work.
Only break one law at a time.
Thank you pops. It probably did keep me from fucking my life up (worse).
My father put it a slightly different way:
If you’re going to do something dumb, be smart about it
I knew an older guy that would always tell me, "Be good. If you can't be good be careful". He also phrased the OP statement as, "One crime at a time".
Never make fun of someone's job. No matter how "beneath you" it is, somebody has to do it, and we should all appreciate that they do it.
What about looksmaxing influencers? I can make fun of their job right?
That's not a job.
I think the jury is still out on whether or not that's a job, so I think it's allowed for now.
My brother keeps bringing up parking wardens and no matter how I'm trying to put myself in their (employer's) shoes, I'm unable to convince him.
No, your brothers right. Fuck those assholes.
Hey, there's always exceptions to the rule. 🤷🏻♂️
Everyone's got a job, so they can feed themselves at least
Also, they don't make the rules, they just implement them. They're not the cause, just the symptom. Go for the cause.
Ah, the old "I was only following orders" excuse.
You can't accept an immoral job, and then just dismiss the immorality by saying "I was only doing my job."
Comparing parking enforcement to nazis is crazy.
It's all about the Slippery Slope. It's a short, fast trip, all on the same slope.
Don't Panic
Might not ever be the best piece of advice, but it's always the second best piece of advice in any situation
This is a good piece of advice for hitchhiking around the galaxy
Always know where your towel is.
Did you sketch that frood, Triumph? Now there's a hoopy frood, who really knows where their towel is!
Back in college, we made a party punch that we called Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters, and you'd be able to drink maybe one red solo cup worth.
Your job is not your family. You owe them nothing. Do your job well and leave the work at the door when you leave at the end of the day. Unless you're an owner, every bit of extra work you do is you being robbed.
Lately i talked to a lot of elderly people or people who just retired because work. They don't know each other, they don't even live close to each other, but the thing they have in common is the need to talk to me about young people who don't want to work anymore. Telling me stories that "young people" just leave work when their shift is over, not caring about the company at all.
They're upset the McDonald's employee isn't the happiest person ever, catering to their every whim. Thats really it. They want us to be little happy bootlickers who work our asses off for nothing.
I complain about young people too but this isnt why. Dont work shitty jobs for shitty pay. If you must work a shitty job, they better fuckng pay up. Isnt that the whole "invisible hand" capitalists love so much? If you can't find workers , you're either an asshole, or not paying enough.
Ask them if their employer paid for their retirement (pension). Ask if they were repeatedly laid off because the work can be done [poorly] cheaper in another country. Ask if they were union.
Many companies used to be loyal to their employees and vice versa. That is all but gone now and the companies cry that nobody is loyal.
Having just been made redundant this week after 15 years this is so true.
I managed it very well, very rarely having committed more than my allotted hours each week but I know for many they would have to have been very disciplined to achieve this.
I leave with no malice or ill feeling as a result. I'd hate to think how I'd feel otherwise
Agreed but this can be difficult to parse when you’re union organizer
Or you work for the olive garden.
This was specific to calculus homework but it has turned out to be very good advice, "when you don't know what to do, do something". Often decisions can be paralyzing or problems can feel insurmountable but doing nothing is a choice. Very rarely is it the best one.
Me: this seems like sound reasoning, I should follow it and be more decisive
My ADHD:
Instructions unclear—(noun) (adjective) (preposition) (noun).
(em dash) (em dash) (em dash)
Yeah. I see a lot of people get stuck on problems where they get free iterations because they try a couple of things, get stuck, and require others to come up with more ideas.
Analysis paralysis is real. And it's funny, I joke that I made a lot of poor decisions as a kid, I was impulsive, did what came to mind, but it all led me to a pretty good life, and so I'm all about just do it and deal with it.
I am not sure that's a good in idea, but I'll reassess from my deathbed.
The three least heard words in the universe will serve you well, and often catch people off guard - don't be afraid to use them.
"I was wrong."
Admit your mistakes when they happen, then when something goes wrong no one will accuse you.
It's also not hard to do casually without having to grovel. My nursing subspecialty is violence management and I frequently respond to things with,"thank you for reminding me, I'm going to go do that now!" and,"I hadn't realized that was your preference, thank you for letting me know!" or,"that's a good thing to point out I'm glad you're being an active participant in your care!" You don't even have to say you're wrong half the time you can also just regularly tell people they're right.
definitely some layers to this advice for sure, situation and relationship matters!
If you’re in a group and talking about someone who isn’t there, imagine they are. That way, you’ll never say something you might regret later.
Ask yourself the three things before you say anything.
- Does this need to be said?
- Does this need to be said by me?
- Does this need to be said by me now?
Craig Ferguson
This has been helpful for me in meetings since I have a tendency to talk more than I probably should.
Never compare yourself to others but only to yourself from the past.
Be grateful for what you have.
"Shut the fuck up."
Never talk to cops. Wait for a lawyer.
Don't believe everything you think
religious people need to learn this especially
When I got my first car my grandmother told me "don't do anything to it that makes it stand out to the police."
If you have to whine or criticize something make sure to have a way to make it better. If you bring up a problem, bring up the solution with you.
A shit solution can absolutely be worse than the initial problem, for sure.
Good advice
I get rather annoyed when someone says "I have a problem" without any further thought shown toward it.
Sure, you don't need to always have the solution, but if you have something worth complaining about then it's something worth putting at least a little time and effort into thinking about solving before complaining. That reflection will often come through in how the problem gets put forward such that it's easier for everyone to help find a solution.
This is great advice. I've heard it refined to "bring the energy to be part of the solution" - which clarifies that one doesn't have to have all the answers, but had better be willing to engage with solving whatever one complains about.
When I managed a team, my one big rule was to always have them try to offer something constructive to a problem, rather than them come tell me there was a problem and hope I fix it.
I would quote the Simpsons, "We've tried nothing and we're out of ideas" (I never said this condescendingly)
Eventually they would come up with quick ideas and share them. And regardless if they were right or not, I would encourage them to go further and try out their idea without solving it for them. This built so much confidence in the team, they did amazing work.
Bringing the energy to be part of the solution (you don't need to SOLVE it) really can bring a team together
A relationship can only work if everyone is getting out of it what they need.
It's basically just a simple reminder to be attentive and care, but it's stuck with me. Most of my friends and my husband have been a part of my life for over twenty years now, so I think it works.
That's good advice.
I'd never have thought of it on my own, being autistic.
Thank you for telling us that one.
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Disagree, in my old age I quite enjoy some of that hate and bitterness. Just got to make sure you can justify it.
Go away from your home for college.
It will give you a chance to grow as a person.
From one of my high school math teachers.
I am really glad I went to college far enough away from home my folks wouldn't visit on a whim, but close enough to drive back for holidays easily. And after I moved back home I have had a much greater appreciation for everyone and everything I had been away from.
Learn how to deal with people.
No matter what you do in life you have to deal with people in some way. Even if they are paid to do what you tell them it's a huge difference if they put your request on the top or bottom of their pile.
Tell me who your friends are, and I'll tell you who you are. I thought it was stupid when I heard it as a kid, but it's the damned truth and I turned my life for the better after cutting loose some people I should not have called my friends.
An okay plan applied immediately and vigorously is INFINTELY better than a perfect plan ten minutes too late.
" You gotta be true to who you really are, cause no one's gotta wear the shoes you got "
Given to me by a former friend, high as a rocket to Venus, upon my stumbling attempt to come out to him twenty years ago
Live below your means, but not too far.
Professionally, the question that needs to get answered isn't the question being asked. Always get context.
Good Critical Thinking Skills are the only education you need. With Critical Thinking Skills, you can learn anything you need to know, and recognize and avoid those who will try to interrupt your life journey and take advantage of you.
The best thing I ever did was ignore the advice people gave me and figured out stuff on my own.
Because most advice I got was coming from a completely different universe and totally irrelevant to my own personal situation, and most advice-givers were straight up hypocrites, who were mostly only interested in me thinking they were great, when they were total jerks.
Its funny, because I've felt similarly in the past. But then I got some really great advice.
You aren't special. Your problems aren't that unique. There are already ready-made solutions for almost every problem you have, and your real problem is that you tell yourself that you are especially worse off and your problems are totally unique, because otherwise you would have to admit that the reason you keep failing is that you were just too dumb and lazy to do the obvious hard work everyone else was doing. So shut the fuck up and stick to the program as written. After you've finished the program, then you're allowed to criticize it.
May or may not be applicable to you. But it was what I needed to hear
I needed to hear that. Thank you
Many things are only a big deal if you make them a big deal
This comment says things and I HAVE VERY LOUD FEELINGS ABOUT THAT!!!
Insert butterfly meme.
Is this a big deal?
Don’t sweat the small stuff.
and everything is small stuff.
“Better put on a condom”
Yeah, never go out in the rain without your coat on.
Weird, mine was: "Never have sex!"
Lefty loosey righty tighty
I always said it righty tighty, lefty loosey.
I also said feed a fever starve a cold, which was apparently wrong, so I don't trust myself.
I thought it was, "feed a fever, starve a flu", because you probably shouldn't eat much when you can't keep anything down.
So it's apparently feed a cold starve a fever, but I thought the Fs going together sounded better.
Nah I like supporting indie game devs and software developers. Also occasionally musicians on Bandcamp.
I hear what you're saying. I would change that to avoid it as much as possible or qualify it by adding only pay for digital content that you can easily identify the value without using the word convenient or if it doesn't change they way you interact with the app.
Example Paying for digital backups of you personal data is convenient for you and the cloud company to sell your info.
Buying a digital only video game because there's no other choice is one thing. Buying a $50 character skin is a waste of money because it doesn't change how the game functions or plays.
In both scenarios I don't own anything but I get value out of a video game by unwinding and having fun. Giving my data to a stranger and paying them a subscription to double dip when I could just by a USB stick or HDD, is hard to justify.
Buying a movie on Prime for $25 or buying the DVD for $20 seems like a no brainer to me. I own nothing with Prime and if they take it down then I have to pay watch it again on another platform. If I take care of the DVD I will have it forever.
I remember when OF was new and people would go around trying to shame people for consuming free porn and bragging how they were such good superior porn consumers and how they were 'supporting young women'.
I notice folks don't do that anymore.
"No permanent solutions to temporary problems." It is a double edged sword for me, but one that cut through some hard times. Police are trained to tell people this. One that was in cybercrime, doing a talk on AppArmor on Linux, mentioned this casualty and it stuck when I needed it.
don’t waste too much time and energy trying to open some doors. Sometimes there’s a different path there waiting for you and sometimes the room is just not worth visiting
—
and one of the most precious things I ever heard, not even a straightforward advice, just pure, genuine gold:
„As a man, entire world can judge me and I don’t care all that much, I am not perfect, I make mistakes, I may fall, I may fail, I may hurt, I may help, I learn and I try my best.. and I am not scared of any of that, I can handle that.. or even learn how to handle it better. BUT as a father, only you and your brother can judge me and about that judgement.. I care the most and being a father is my biggest responsibility and the most scary thing I have ever done in my life and possibly will ever do. I know you are still young and you don’t have to but please just understand that as much as you can.“
HR rep: if you’re gonna go down take people with you.
You can’t fix stupid.
you also can't fix selfish
Life won't happen on your schedule.
(Meaning be patient and don't beat yourself up if things aren't happening as fast as you want)
This one may sound a bit silly, but it's worked for me quite a few times:
"Whatever happened before or might happen later, right now, just for this moment, everything's fine."
(of course, if something bad is actually happening at a given moment you're probably not going to be spending time remembering that little tidbit. It's for when you're feeling depressed or anxious).
When my dad was teaching me how to ride a bike, I would make it so far and then fall down.
I couldn't figure out how to control the bicycle and myself, and every single little bump in the road, I would lose control of the bike.
After the third or fourth time my dad picked me up and dusted me off, and he placed a hand on my shoulder and he said, "Look son, you rule the road. Don't let the road rule you."
And I don't know what magic there is in that phrase, but immediately after hearing that, I could ride a bicycle.
And it's not just me. I later on encountered a kid who was learning how to ride a bike, and he kept falling over. And I looked at him and I said, "I'll tell you what my dad told me. You rule the road. Don't let the road rule you."
A few days later, I saw his little, like, I don't know, seven-year-old self riding a freaking full-grown adult 10-speed mountain bike and pulling tricks when just three or four days prior he was falling down on a huffy.
Vetoing learned-helplessness is effective..
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if the whole world smells like shit, check your shoe.
Don't eat yellow snow.
Guys, it really is lemon ice!
Abominable?! More like adorable!
But It may be beer!
Take a deep breath. Close your mouth. Hold your nose and then try to blow air out.
Cures hiccups.
Also... there are two kinds of people in this world:
- Those that do it
- Those that lie about doing it
Dad didn't have much good advice, but these two have held up over the years.
Cures hiccups.
I know it sounds bullshit, but I haven't had a long hiccup session (read: longer than ~4-5 hiccups) in more than a decade, possibly two: I chill the fuck out.
The instant it starts I take a deep breath, relax my esophagus/larynx/whatever, and put myself in the most Zen Buddha state of mind I can. I keep taking long, relaxed breaths. If another hiccup slips through I still remain a ketamine sloth, believing that it's just the one or few passing hiccup.
Most of the time I don't get a second (third) one. It's over in a matter of a few seconds.
There are two other types also. Those that want to be and those who want to have been.
The former love the work. The latter don’t want to put in the effort and want all the glory.
It was advice I have myself in college... Don't focus on getting good grades, focus on learning. Judge your success on how much you learned.
The only time my grades actually mattered was interviewing for jobs right out of college. After that, every other job is based on your previous job and non no one ever asked again.
I'm in engineering and it this doesn't necessarily translate to other fields. But I'm currently the cto for a mid sized tech company.
Never put yourself down. It gives people the perfect opportunity to agree with you.
DO IT! Just... DO IT! YES YOU CAN! Just do it! If you're tired of starting over, STOP. GIVING. UP.
The exact wording isn’t coming to me, but there are a lot of decisions in life where one option is basically as good as another. Making your choice successful depends less on the decision itself and more on how much effort you put into it.
“Strengthen your strengths and your weaknesses weaken.”
Dr Maung Gyi
Don't be the first one to leave a party, but don't be the last one either. - my grandmother.
Don't be crap. This means you.
I don't get it
I think it's pretty simple. In any given situation, don't be crap. This means you.
"Keep moving forward", by Monty Oum. That advice has helped me cross mountains of pain, and it will continue to do so
You guys should be going at it. Whenever you want, all the time. Enjoy it
Learn not to give a fuck
Did you just push the red button? Never push the red button.
For relationships: You're either going to marry the person or you're not.
You’ll need something bigger than a hammer to kill it.