What's the best insult without any swears?
1mon 15d ago by lemmy.ca/u/Kurtagag in asklemmy@lemmy.ml
I have neither the crayons nor the inclination to explain it to you.
Stealing this
I saw one here the other day calling someone a soup fork. I've been using that for people who are completely useless.
I've also heard "wind sandwich."
I work with an older lady who hits people with "you're so pretty" when they do or ask something stupid and I love it.
I first saw this used by Hugh Hefner in some reality TV show with some of his bimbos in Venice. One of them said how cool it was to be where Al Capone was born and he responded with, "You're so pretty." Of course, she absolutely took the compliment at face value.
Lmao, it did took a while for me to register
“Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!”
What does this even mean
"Your mom is a hoe and your dad is an alcoholic."
Explanation
Hamsters have a lot of random sex and elderberries can be fermented into wine.
(You DO need Fr*nch accent to make this insult work tho)
It means their quest to seek the Holy Grail is likely doomed. And besides, we've already got one.
Beat me to it
I can read it to you all day but unfortunately I cannot understand it for you.
Big fan of a slow disapproving head shake and a thumbs down. Especially in road rage situations (or any time I see a Cybertruck).
I only recently discovered the power of the thumbs down in the car. It is magical.
The classic southern "Bless your heart"
I bet you sit on the TV and watch the sofa.
I have to thank the one and only James May for introducing me to “you witless dishcloth”
My favorite of his was "apocalyptic dingleberry."
Hello.
I love how you don't let facts influence your opinion.
I can explain it to you, but I cannot understand it for you.
"Sorry, I already have a boyfriend/girlfriend."
Implying that everything they said or had done was to get your romantic attention.
It was trending a few years ago but never caught on fully.
Still good.
I like to use this when handed a form that asks "Sex?". Lol.
Nice
You're about as smart as a bag of hammers.
As sharp as a bowling ball.
As cool as the breeze from a camel's behind.
Or like Foghorn Leghorn said, “nice kid, but about as sharp as a sackful of wet mice!”
I blame the alcohol, not what you drank tonight but what your mother drank while pregnant with you
Just respond to everything they say with "sorry, I'm not into Pokemon."
Did your mother have any children that lived?
I bet she regrets that!
If all the village-idiots of all the villages in the world, would leave for a brand new village of village-idiots, you'd be their village-idiot.
If idiot does not count as "swear" tho...
Lano & woodley ftw.
Oh I didn't even know where it was from, I just heard that somewhere and it got stuck :) But good to know, will check them!
You look easy to draw
You look like you were painted by Picasso.
"If she was a spice, she would be flour" - Louise Belcher
No one could possibly have a higher opinion of you than I have.
They’re a south-pointing compass (if they assert something, you know it’s wrong)
Chuckle and as you walk away, and under your breath but just loud enough to hear, say "eyebrows" in a way that sounds like you were amused and thinking about how it amused you. They will think about that for years, as I have been
A few beers short of a six pack
You make this world not worth saving.
I would not make you the night manager at a place that closed in the evening. Also your mother's a huge slut.
There’s a great artist that sells stuff at our local ren-faire; I bought a fridge magnet that says “I saw thee, and thought my day unwell.” It’s illuminated like an old manuscript and depicts a slim greyhound tossing his cookies.
I love this one from Coriolanus:
For you, be that you are, long, and your misery increase with your age!
- Have you been tending to your hounds? You smell like a wet dog!
- Is that fur growing out of your ears?
The truth. The reason you'd want to insult them as a direct pointed criticism.
You're lucky your momma died giving birth to you. If she saw you now, she would've died of shame.
"You are not acting like the person Mr. Rogers knew you could be."
Guaranteed to slug the inner child of, at least, three or four generations. Might have diminishing returns at the extremes (brainwashed boomers and brainrot zoomers) but should still hit pretty hard on those who grew up watching Fred Rogers and are capable of some amount of introspection.
You look like you trust politicians/newspapers/AI
You think that streamer likes you
Your brain could revolve around inside a peanut shell without ever touching the sides
You have a head full of vacuous nothings that occasionally leak out of your mouth
(To name a few that I enjoy)
Have the day you deserve!
Your ma wears high heels with tracksuit bottoms.
Thick as mince
"You look so generic I got a deja vu the first time we met."
I keep recycling this one but it's hard not to. I have so few good ideas!
From my friend - You're the load your mom should have swallowed.
... Do the down votes prefer anal?
"You're irrelevant to me."
I bite my thumb at you.
YES.
I bite my thumb, but not at thee. Yet! I do bite my thumb!
"you're the sharpest bulb in the chandelier" is my personal favorite
You don't have the sense God gave a popsicle
He only has two tools and they are both screwdrivers
Replace screwdrivers with hammers and you get a description of Jeremy Clarkson.
You two make quite the wit.
Donkey meat is not transparent, get out of the way! I'm watching!
Too offensive for lemmy.ml
Removed is the best one.
A waste of space
You should be paying for the Oxygen. Yes, that Oxygen.
You've got more teeth than braincells
You haven't got two braincells to rub together
You have been weighed, you have been measured, and you have been found wanting.
You are amazing, all the self control of Donald Trump with the charismatic charm of Mark Zuckerburg.
Yoghurt cock