Orcas Getting a Little Sick and Tired of Being Asked to Solve All Your Billionaire Problems
19d 4h ago by feddit.online/u/CombatWombat in theonion@midwest.social from theneedling.com
After yet another week of hearing humans ask them to sink billionaire yachts for them, today local orca pods announced they’re getting a little sick and tired of being asked all the time to do humans’ dirty work for them.
It's like asking the kids to be the adult in the room. We should be protecting them.
They should unionize.
It's just...you know...you guys are so big and cool and I love the songs you guys sing I'm a HUGE FAN...
These aren't billionaire yachts that the orcas are sinking. They're dinky little sailboats, sailed by hippies who sold everything they own to live their dream of freedom upon the high seas, or by trust fund kids who are wandering the world until the money runs out.
C'mon, orcas, this is in both our best interest!
THE ORCAS DO NOT TARGET BILLIONAIRES' MEGAYACHTS IN THE FIRST PLACE
The word "yacht" doesn't neccessarily mean expensive or luxurious. What the orcas are actually targeting are relatively small boats up to about 10 meters (40 feet) or so. These are the sorts of boats that you have to be reasonably wealthy (say, net worth of a few million) to buy brand-new and own in addition to a house on land, but are solidly middle-class if you buy used and live aboard instead of owning a house on land.
These are a few of the same makes/models of boats attacked by the orcas:
And here are a couple of Jeff Bezos' megayachts:
I know it's subtle, but ya think maybe y'all can spot the difference?!
Maybe if we trained and armed them though. They clearly have the skills, they just need a bit of help.
Orcas with frikkin laser beams!!!!