You can have any superpower, but the first person to reply chooses a side effect
2y 11mon ago by lemmy.world/u/Luckyy in asklemmy@lemmy.ml
self-explanatory!!
The ability to stop pooping for three days.
🤣👏
You have to post about it online and keep the community updated on your progress, becoming the first widespread Lemmy meme
But when you eventually poop your in the middle of human a human centipede
You already can -- immodium
Or just some painkillers. I had surgery seven or eight years ago and I still remember how badly I wanted to shit by day three and it just wasn't happening.
This is very healthy and has no possible downsides.
You have tk participate in a mysterious and most likely kinky event.
The ability to touch a book to instantly know its content.
Turns out, the books you touch are actually quite satisfied and content.
It only works if you touch it with your penis.
There are no downsides. Perfect.
The title of the book appears somewhere on your skin, and if removed you will forget any knowledge from that book, whether you obtained it through reading or your power. The titles must be legible, and cannot overlap.
but you must feel a paper cut from every single page of knowledge
Better print smaller then!
ooh, good thought! guess you could upload books and print them in nano-sized font
Every book you encounter will always be written in a language you don't speak.
... but every page becomes blank just before you touch it.
The ability to talk to animals
You can talk to animals now. I think what you mean is you want them to be able to talk too.
Your already can talk to animals. We all understand you.
But only about collecting stamps.
You can talk to animals, but it includes insects and birds... and you can't shut their conversion out for some peace and quiet
Imagine going outside during spring. All animals are just yelling "I'M SO FUCKING HORNY!".
You can talk to them but they can't understand you.
This is just reality
Everytime you talk to an animal, every moving living being around you looks like the animal you talked to for the next 2 hours.
"Say hi to your mother for me, ok!"
Ability to transform into a dog that shoots bees when it barks
Bees come out of your eyes
Your eyes are 10 feet wide.
Nope, hard pass
But you have to guard an old billionaire's mansion.
Clear anyone of debt just by thinking it.
The debt alwaye gets randomly assigned to another person
OOF.
Carefully used this could still be worth it.
Their debt transfers to you.
Hey I think I actually have this superpower!
And then to you…
And then to an orphan somewhere. You monster.
no downsides whatsoever
Or spelled out by Robert Loggia
The ability to read another person's thoughts by looking at them.
Granted, but your thoughts are transmitted to the person looking at you.
Is that a bad thing 😏
Nope, not really.
But it could be dramatic, like when you look at your crush, reading their thoughts, but the one who has a crush on you stares at you, knowing your thoughts and being heartbroken.
Stopping time
but for everyone, including yourself.
Fuck
Oh no, you've doomed us all.
But unfortunately you can't start it again.
gg
It restarts at random.
Can't start time again.
You stop time for yourself too.
RIP
Time stops for everything that isn't you, including air. You leave a vacuum everywhere you go and can never stay anywhere for long.
But it occasionally restarts at a random point in the future
Having unlimited power means you control everything. You have no time to enjoy your power because you're constantly making sure the laws of physics stay and balance so the universe doesn't dissolve.
Guthix basically.
Every attempt at thought or action ends in an omnipotence paradox. E.g., can God make a rock so heavy even he can't lift it?
The side-effect is randomized Dementia >:)
so like, real god
You have analysis paralysis. You can do everything, but you can't figure out what you want to do at any given time, so you just do nothing.
You also gain impotence. Congratulations! You now know that you can only be a god by being a paradox
I can summon food by saying its name.
You consume the calories of every food by just naming it.
Top life hacks to never starve.
Finally, a solution to stop poop for 3 days.
But the delivery guy still wants money for the food you ordered.
You take it from the hungriest person about to eat it, assuming there is someone at the time. You cannot turn this ability off, and it happens even when you aren't referring to the food. I hope those birthday cakes taste good, you monster.
Ability to secrete custard from my hands at will.
Only when orgasming
this just makes it even better
Can't make custard without 'ard!
You constantly forget to wash your hands.
Your mouth becomes sealed shut for 8 hours whenever you secrete custard.
Hah! You clearly don't understand the power of refrigeration.
My new bedtime routine would be filling up the custard freezer.
The custard is rancid.
Impossible!
Even fantasy there is no reality where custard is not delicious 🤤
Will calls the police and you are arrested.
Teleportation by thinking of a place
It will only teleport your body, not your clothes
Thats a obvious oversight by me. Worth a try still.
Plus, I can go anywhere instantly as long as I'm in private.
I think you win. Easiest side effect to deal with. You could have go bags all over the world.
Jokes on you, I don’t wear clothes.
Does not teleport your cloths.
Ehh. Just look up pictures of nude beaches or something.
Hm, I'd still take it
You are unable to control the ability and will teleport even when you are just be reminded of a place.
The first time you go to a church and actually understand what they're saying as a child, you go to hell
Thinking includes dreams and nightmares. You wake up in interesting places.
You don't teleport to the place you're thinking of.
As you get older you keep thinking back to places that no longer exist.
You will arrive naked only - with an urgent need to vomit.
That place is the time you walked in on your parents having sex.
You better keep it very quiet and not teleport in front of anyone by accident, because as soon as governments are aware of your power, be ready to become a lab rat who will be the rest of your life sedated
The ability to read, write, and speak every language
You become deaf and blind
God damn it
It would be less efficient, but people who are deaf-blind can access the Internet and communicate using a refreshable Braille display. In-person they can communicate using an interpreter using a special sign language.
The ability to study, understand and use fantasy level magic.
magic is just physics we dont understand yet.. think this could still work
This is like saying you would be tired after lifting a pallet with a forklift. Many magic systems are about using magic in the world around you, which only requires you to understand how to use it; the energy being consumed doesn't come from yourself.
No, if you were just worried about energy, you would be much less tired than by doing things manually. For example, moving a heavy object downhill would gain you energy, not lose it, and keeping a heavy object in the air would neither gain nor lose energy. it would only be lifting that is hard, and it would still be easier than lifting manually.
Edit: and according to Wikipedia, human muscles only have an efficiency of around 20%, so doing basically anything through magic would be 5x easier than doing it by hand.
Now you see why the people at Hogwarts have a big feast every other day. And I don't recall the more corpulent ones using that much magic
Obeying all of the laws of physics, magic wouldn't work at all. Assuming you were able to break a few but kept some such as conservation of energy, it would be very powerful, ex: teleportation does not break conservation of energy as long as you teleport to the same height you left from. If you were able to extract energy from your surroundings, you could probably do basically anything you want. You could lower the sun's heat by a degree and be able to move a mountain.
This would be a fair limit. You would be limited by certain conservation laws, but as long as you would provide an adequate energy source (say, like Flash, you had to eat a lot more food) it could still be useful.
Not the laws of chemistry, or biology?
I'm an immortal Alchemist!
VERY mortal if you don't
This is so far the Best and evil side effect :D
But it still only works if magic actually works and if it doesn't, then you just understand really well how you would have used magic, if it were actually real.
I can reverse any moderator actions.
Impervious to side effects.
But your side effect is infinite power.
DRAT
Telekinesis!
But the strain and concentration required causes you to dump your drawers.
Proctologists hate this one weird trick!
He should team up with 'Fly with farts'
You can be in the shit a lot with powers like telekinesis huh
It only works when nobody's looking, and everyone just thinks you were using your hands.
except it's only by smell >:)
With everyone! all of the time!
Perfect timing.
Except you feel the need to always respond to everyone else's conversations. Your timing is impeccable yet everyone comes to resent your witty remarks.
oof this cuts deep
Lemmy.ml bans you.
I can obtain any super power just by thinking about it.
I’m happy
But you can poop only once every 3 days.
That's my normal, so what's the problem?
But only until you sober up.
Ok that was dark.
You die immediately after this
... despite having nightmarish diarrhea every hour, on the hour.
I already have this, so... I'll take it
An annoying happy-go-lucky theme song plays for all to hear around you.
you can see the future, but only at your current location relative to the center of the galaxy, so you always just see the vacuum of space.
You could still do some really cool cosmology that way.
Only the future after you are dead
But only one second ahead.
The ability to find anything lost.
Power to turn things into gold by touch.
Including your own body parts
Gold member!
mmm, that's a shalty one!
i am joining this myself. telekinesis
Terrible migraines whenever you use it
so if I already have a migraine I'm in the clear...
You fart violently when using it
Make Bezos, Musk, Zuck, Spez, and @Luckyy@lemmy.world nut whenever i clap
except you get chronic diarrhea that lasts for 1 week each time you use it
I’m adding you to my nut list
I'll take a gravity power I guess. Manipulation of gravity in every sense.
Cool! Every time you manipulate gravity, your body loses mass in addition to and proportional to how much energy is needed to do the manipulation.
Which part of your body loses this (additional) mass is totally random. It could be your fat, it could be your brain tissue, it's all random. How the mass is lost depends on what is the most likely way it'd be dissipated.
if the part of your body losing the mass was actually completely random, the atoms would disappear roughly evenly across your body, so probably the main thing you have to be worried about is your DNA (and thus getting cancer).
That's something that, depending on your POV (sadistic DM or a player), might be either interesting, or really terrible.
But then again, it takes time (to know that you're fucked) so I guess it's just horrifying. You'd never know if you've fucked yourself up using the power.
Daaamn. OK.
Thanks for making me think lmao. Can you eli5 your very last sentence. I think I understand but want to be sure.
I wasn't really thinking much about it, tbh, but it's more along the lines of "cell burns glucose to create energy", or "random photon hits skin cell, making it slightly warmer," or in the more unfortunate circumstances where the random part of the body is, say, a brain cell, it could have not much choice but to "spontaneously undergo nuclear fission."
It's me trying to cover my ass, tbh, and make things more interesting by just not going "E=MC² thus things go boom!"
I suppose you can go use the power safely most of the time, but there's a chance that something important might go off in the most unfortunate way.
OK I get. How about if it's not random, but the amount of force I need to use is dependent on where I take it from, according to importance to normal bodily function.
Like if I wanna make a leaf fall off a branch, it's my finger nail, and I can sort of, as a baked in part of the power, decide where I gets taken from as long as it meets the required energy?
I mean, that'd still make it somewhat OP, I think.
Though to be honest, your approach is similar to what I actually came up with as a consequence for a different superpower (time-space manipulation--which I think is a lot more energy-intensive), in the sense that it'd take energy from the least important part of the body to the most important.
However, I suppose just having the energy requirements already limits a lot of the OP potential of the superpower (can't just summon a black hole, lol!), so I think your changes are quite reasonable.
So, yeah! Let's go with your modifications.
(: I can live with that. I'd only be able to use it in emergencies I suppose.
That's basically it, lol!
Like how a DM of a tabletop RPG group would be like "interesting, but how can I make it more interesting and limit abuse at the same time?"
So in a way...I kind of already have this super power! Lmao
I mean, yes! But I don't really think ordinary object manipulation (like what we can already do IRL) counts as using the superpower.
The way I see it, it applies to things like telekinesis, or manipulating the mass of an object (making things lighter, or heavier), or even something as out of the left field as "manipulating gravitational lensing such that I can see things clearly". It can even be used in such a way that it can be lethal, such as "make someone's blood dense, and have them suffer a heart attack as a result."
The superpower is actually that OP in the sense that aside from the limits I've put (and the modifications we've agreed upon), only one's imagination is the limit.
Oh I know it's OP. I've actually thought alot about this specific power. That's why I said it lol. Like Fujitora from one piece. 🐐
Lol!!
Meanwhile, I was thinking more along the lines of FMA's law of equivalent exchange, but since the way equivalent exchange is handled is kinda hand-wavy, I tried to find a way to make it more realistic, while trying to limit the power's OP potential (hence, the random body part stipulation as initially stated).
TBH, I don't watch One Piece, but had I done so, I would have given you a nod by saying you need to be concentrating to use the power (and would backfire by randomizing the target of the power if you lost concentration).
Yep!
FMA is my absolute favorite Shonen btw. It's a masterpiece, imo.
One piece just holds a special place in my heart yknow, so it's my favorite by default. Lol
FMA 2003 for me, but I like Brotherhood as well.
And yeah, the only thing stopping me from watching One Piece is the sheer amount of episodes, lol! I want to start watching it, but I'm like, there's no way I'd be able to watch thousands of episodes just to catch up!
Oh man I need to watch the original anime! Know a good place I can watch it actually? I literally LOVE fmab haha. And would love to check that one out.
Also.. I'd say to you, and look, I'm sort of picky about these things, as we all are...watch the first half, then switch to Manga. Or just read the Manga from beginning.
I got into one piece without knowing ANYTHING about it so I'm super lucky and grateful.
It's got its flaws, but it's sort of apart of the style. It feels very stream of conscious and home brewed. I absolutely love it to death.
It helps that I started it during a pretty rough patch so it's like a comforting thing for me.
I think ultimately, it's worth it, and the length shouldn't be a barrier. It's just more content and I love the story. It's endearing. OK enough proselytizing. Lol
The 2003 FMA anime was created back when the manga is still being published, and started to drift away from the manga such that at the anime's midway point, it's following a different storyline. Some plot points and characters are changed as the anime overtook the manga. Ultimately, it's a different story as opposed to the manga and Brotherhood.
However, I like how the pacing is a lot slower, allowing me to get more invested and interested into the characters. It's not as fast-paced as Brotherhood, and it's a lot darker. There's just something really somber about the entire thing that I can't put my finger on.
I watched it on cable TV back then, but I think there are some sites still carrying it if you know where to look.
As for One Piece, thanks for the advice! I'll go do just that once I have the time (to watch the first half--or I can just go full manga). I don't think you're proselytizing than you're just excited to talk about something you're really into, which is nice.
I have heard that about FMA. But pacing doesn't bother me tbh, I can appreciate all art, even if it's not source material, it's still art.
If you like that kinda pacing (I do too) then you will probably really really dig one piece. There are very dark undertones as well, slavery being one of them.
I'd consider fma and op very similar actually as far as symbolism and metaphors, they are telling the same story just with different material.
I know, op fans jusf get flak for being kinda crazy, i think.. but I just appreciate it very much for what it's meant to me, flaws and all.
Yeah, I've actually mulled over watching One Piece during the height of the lockdowns (because everybody got time back then), and well... the amount of stuff intimidated me.
Anyways, as I've said, I'd probably watch the first half of the anime as you've advised, or watch a handful of episodes of the anime, and go for the manga from there (might be faster that way as I can sneak in a manga reading session better) ... IDK, we'll see.
I will be sure to use it wisely, and justly.
Can spontaneously manifest any variety of cheese
You're constantly followed by an army of mice that want to eat your cheese.
Lactose intollerant
It appears from a random bodily orifice each time, and never the same one twice.
Cheese becomes tasteless
Can't control when you do it.
Oh I'd pick up some napkins and follow that person. I hope blue cheeses are on the list, and maybe some gruyère 🤤
I see no downsides.
You constantly stink of molding cheese
But you have no control over where and when.
At the rate of one gram per hour.
Know anyone's most deviant kink.
... because you are the target of those kinks
You will get a very strong, visceral image of every person engaging in that kink.
Plus the desire to fulfill it.
Control time
You retain no memories of anything that happened during a time stop. If you go back in time, everyone else remembers things normally, but you forgot that period of time completely.
Severe IBS
Worth it
That's my secret. I'm always shitting my pants.
When you stop time you cannot move as all the air molecules around you are stopped.
You move with time.
You can only control it one minute at a time and only forward
I can fly wherever I want super fast so I can travel the world.
This is the way
You are temporarily blind and deaf whenever you begin to fly
You can fly super fast but are unable to decelerate except by crashing into things.
The ability to fly.
But you develop a terrible and incurable fear of heights.
Your arms are now wings with no hands like a birds.
You are a gnat.
Wings used to fly protrude and retract from your anus.
The ability to nullify side effects :) I'll be rich as a doctor
You no longer have any side effects, only things intentionally done will happen. You must now consciously think about breathing and blinking as they are no longer side effects of being alive. As this is not a side effect, but rather the effect itself it cannot be nullified.
Oh shit, bro has to manually pump this blood. Well, he's fucked.
By throwing a D10k
Fly with farts.
The only way you can generate fart power is by eating poo.
Yeah, but then you get to have a cool catchphrase like, "Eat shit and fly".
You have uncurable IBS
Your farts are now so powerful that they propel you upwards without bending any laws of physics
The farts are toxic in a one meter radius.
Good ol' invisibility
You need to wear a ring to use it, and undead monsters hunting for the ring will instantly know where you are. It may or may not have a mind of its own convincing you to never part ways with it.
This sounds like my kind of movie.
Can probably make a trilogy out of it... maybe even a franchise.
Maybe even a prequel trilogy?
Hell, maybe can become one of the greatest collections of fantasy literature of all time.
Only works when no one is looking at you... and when you're naked.
Hmm, if I'm invisible then no one can look at me though.
Mystery Men!
Invisibility
You have to rub sand in your eyes to use it.
Empathy
but not for yourself
Can you elaborate? I'm not sure what that would imply.
Ambidexterity
The ability to speak, read, and understand every known language.
Via any of those methods, you can only communicate at one word per minute.
You.....
Are...
EVIL.
You become dyslexic
Reactive adaptation.
“Reactive adaptation” To the wrong emergency.
exclusive used as a human shield by the military
Teleportation
You conserve your angular momentum, so if you move at all in latitude the earth we'll be moving at a different speed. It would be like stepping out of a moving vehicle onto the freeway but a whole lot faster.
Ouch, painful.
In this thread: Monkey's paw curls.
The ability to move anything
You move the exact same distance into the opposite direction of the moved object, even if there already exists another object in that space.
You are not able to move while lifting anything
Ability to successfully persuade any living being to do what I want them to do.
Your entire family was murdered in a dark city alley to lead to your powers.
Damn the last time that happened I only inherited immense wealth and used it to beat up street level criminals
Don't worry, he'll convince a genius to create a time machine. Problem solved.
So....ghost face?
You are never truly sure again if people are actually listening to you or even like you or they are just enchanted by your power. You are never again able to form meaningful relationships with that doubt in you mind, you can never find true love and become a recluse.
undeleted by creator
But you will load randomly
I feel like there was a movie similar in premise to this. This person had the power to go back to any point in their life and live it out from there. Essentially being able to load older saves but not newer ones.
Ability to phase through non-Newtonian fluids as if they were regular Newtonian fluids.
All fluids you touch turn into mercury.
Everytime you do it feels like walking on Lego
Side effect: Newtonian fluids change their behaviour to that of non Newtonian fluids and you can't pass any of them in a hurry. You can run on water now though.
Running on goopy water sounds great, but hydration might become an issue if I have to eat water like it’s non-Newtonian pudding
You can still drink, it just takes some time. Forget straws.
Air is a fluid, though.
Makes the running on water a tiny bit harder
On the other hand, maybe you could fly somehow.
That would explain the cloud levels in Super Mario.
Self-detonation.
you die once you use it, with a 1% chance of living
Although you survive, you get 2nd degree burns that take a regular amount of time to heal.
Control animals with the mind
I can stretch like rubber
Well, no one's said shapeshifting yet
But anyone within 50 miles with the same zodiac sign turns into a chicken
This is acceptable. I love chicken and hate Ted Cruz