Time traveling
1d 2h ago by slrpnk.net/u/Track_Shovel in microblogmemes from slrpnk.net
Maybe time travel is real but we're still living at an age where something else is so terrible that nobody from the future wants to travel to our time.
I bet it's because we haven't invented those three seashells yet.
"they still capitalist then? Eww. I'll wait"
As much as capitalism is a truly shit system to actually live in, I don’t think it would dissuade time travellers much because it’d make it trivially easy to live like a king with only a little knowledge of the future
I guess people from a post capitalist society might have issues with exploiting others for their own gain.
One would hope, but unless greed and the obsession with power is not in our genes there would always be people that try to exploit others. Just like there will always be others trying to end the exploitation.
Imo, better systems and fair work agreements are how we put a stop to most exploitation being acted upon.
Time Travel to the past
Cough due to allergies to future extinct flowers
Accidentally spready COVID 2089
90% of the world population dies from futuristic killer super flu
You fade from existence because you killed all your ancestors
The paradox causes space time to collapse
Timelines merged together to "mend and fix" these paradoxes, that’s why we ended in the Mirror-Universe equivalent. Mandela effects are just glitches from the other timeline remnants.
Dragon breaks confirmed, earth is TES canon
In my single-timeline theory you never spawn a new timeline or universe, you just overwrite the one.
Don't threaten me with a good time!
"Eww... I don't want to go to the microplastics era and be contaminated! We spent forever cleaning that shit up."
There are so many options!
Maybe they didn't come to Stephen Hawkins' party because they found out that he was a pedo.
Even without that (or if he wasn't, was it clear from what came out that he participated and wasn't just another famous science guy Epstein pulled into his orbit without any kids being involved?), I can't think of a single good reason for an actual time traveler to want to go to that party and plenty reasons to stay away from it, like it being the one party most likely to lead to someone else figuring out time travel sooner and taking control of it before you can.
Though if time travel is possible, I bet it's the branching miltiverse scenario and we're just in a branch where no time travelers have revealed themselves yet. In that reality, there's no reason to avoid his party, other than not wanting to be stuck in a Q&A session with primitive humans. Like I bet any of us would get frustrated going back to the middle ages and how people interested in health won't shut up about fucking humours, muccous, evil spirits, and shit.
Like I bet any of us would get frustrated going back to the middle ages and how people interested in health won’t shut up about fucking humours, muccous, evil spirits, and shit.
For real. If we wanted to listen to that, we could just look up whatever RFK Jr's talking about. No time machine necessary.
Or when time travelers come here we just can't tell, because if they accidentally reveal themselves or screw up in some other way they just jump back again for a do-over until they get it right.
WANTED: Someone to go back in time with me. This is not a joke...You'll get paid after we get back. Must bring your own weapons toilet paper. Safety not guaranteed. I have only done this once before.
Gotta go post this on Something Awful
Sure, I'll go
Or maybe in the 1930s an ad agency invented feeding on people's fears by overstating extremely rare or even nonexistent problems.
My brand of cereal is the only one with that rat poison free guarantee.
Excuse me, do you serve gluten free milk?
Just take your own toilet roll with you. If you get separated from your supply, you probably have bigger problems.
Growing up in the Soviet Union we had almost pieces of bark in the toilet paper. Never got a splinter I promise.
What was your expirience in the soviet union? Was it as bad as western media says or it was fine/good/not bad?
I can only speak to my own country, Bulgaria. Some things were worse, some things not as bad. Like we had to wait in line for bread every day but most people in my orbit never went without bread, at least that I knew of. I was a little kid so I'm sure they hid that kind of stuff from me. I got bullied a lot, my mom had ADHD and wouldn't pick me up from school on time so the teachers beat me in retaliation. That kind of shit. I remember people coming in from overseas and sneaking me in a coke for Christmas. They'd sneak in western music and religious stuff. Some of my relatives were sent to camps as political prisoners, most came back eventually. It felt like there was much more solidarity between the people than there is now. Much of that remains.
Romanian here, born in '94, but parents were in their 20s when communism ended. Your experience sounds very similar to theirs
I heard they tied onions on their belts, which was the fashion at the time.
I think the ADHD stuff was just the norm for that epoch everywhere, at least from what i know from people older than me
Bidet life yet again pays off!
How clean was the house supplied water back than? Didn’t they still boil before a bath?
They boiled before a bath because they wanted hot water, not because it was dirty. Central water heaters in lower and middle class homes are a relatively recent luxury.
They didn't have supplied house water but they did have vinegar, squeezable containers and washable towels!
Are you confusing a bidet with an enema?
No, they are called "travel bidets"
In my day "travel bidet" was what we called a kick in the ass. Of course times were different then. They're different now too, but not as different as they used to be.
If you do it right its an enema
The first bidets came about around 1700 and were manually filled. Indoor plumbing meant recognizable non-poo filled ones in the 1800s, but the modern toilet seat one was 1964, so keep that in mind wrt time travel.
Weird that in my language "garderoba" means "changing room." As in clothes changing room.
residents hung their clothing in garderobe shafts specifically to rid them of fleas, using the ammonia from urine as a natural fumigant. The toilet and the wardrobe occupied the same small stone room for reasons that made complete practical sense at the time.
They didn't have toilets in the 1950s? Surely that's not right.
Post search: How exactly are you defining "modern toilet seat"? The ones I'm seeing from the '50s look pretty recognizable.
I was talking about bidets, not toilets.
Not like the fancy grit 80 we use in public toilets today.
.. builds character
In days of old when knights were bold and toilet paper wasn't invented, they'd wipe their ass with a piece of grass and walk away contented.
And real gentlemen re-used the grass
They really did use cloth though
Tip 1. Cleaning your hands is easier than cleaning your ass.
Tip 2. You can wipe with wet hands.
Tip 3: Never shake hands with Jankatarch
Only fist bumps
Instructions unclear. Which bumps do I fist?
Soap is a luxury though. It is borderline free now, it's so cheap. Back then, not so much.
Men yearn for the shit-sponge
I wash myself with a rag on a stick
If you are able to grab any type of small bucket, bowl, cup, glass, etc. and have access to water, you can just wash. Sure it doesn’t have the same water pressure of a bidet, but that’s still cleaner than even the most modern toilet paper. You’ll need soap though.
Yeah, people just shat in the river in former times. I think the idea of using toilet paper is pretty modern.
It's not though, humans have cleaned their assholes after shitting for most of our existence. Just look at the "left hand dirty" culture from the Middle East which then spread to dumb fuck Catholics that no longer remembered why it was dirty and they just switched it to being demonic instead so you could argue using left hand is a sin with less pushback.
Except the Pope, who always shat in the woods and washed with holy water.
We learned toilet paper from the Chinese, they had it for a long time before that.
If I'm time traveling, I'm bringing my bidet.
Asbestos-free baby powder
So, like... a week ago? https://seekingalpha.com/news/4602263-jj-faces-32m-jury-award-over-talc-related-cancer-case
Can I have one that's also free of powdered babies?
The powdered babies are included for free 👍
Now with 20% less lead!
Personally, it’s 1928, when modern antibiotics were developed.
Why not just bring some with you? Or learn how to synthesize penecilin from bread mold and really change the timeline?
The former would be a limited supply with a shelf life (even modern antibiotics go bad after a few years). The latter— synthesizing penicillin is no easy task. Even if I knew how - which I absolutely do not - it’s among the more difficult things in the world of biochemistry. It’s why Alexander Flemming earned a Nobel prize for it.
And basic penicillin is nothing compared to the antibiotics we have today.
Additionally, I’m not really very cool with altering the timeline
Edit: if I was gonna bother synthesizing anything from bread mold, it would be lysergic acid diethylamide, and then I would go for a nice bicycle ride ;)
Is that Bumblebee Bandersnatch?
LMAO, no. This is not Benedict Cumberbatch. This is Time Agent Daniels.
Play by actor, Matt Winston
They used whatever they had handy before then because they used outhouses. Corncobs, Sears catalog, etc. Small town people, if you've been in contact with the super old people, still talk about it.
They used their left hand.
Toilet paper gets better, left handedness starts to become more coially acceptable. Coincidence???
I totally missed the etc and thought you were suggesting using small town people as toilet paper.
The only time I'd really want to travel to is the future.
If I could come back, maybe it would be cool to go back to like pangea times
I’m not sure you want to see the future. It’s looking pretty grim from current standpoint. At least if you went back in history you could pick something predictable.
Eh, I'm an optimist about the future. Not in the idea that the current system will work or anything. But I think humanity generally spirals upward. Maybe I want to skip the next 100 years or so but that's still a pretty long time scale as far as our advancements since the industrial revolution go.
If you had the ability to find out what happens in the future, you would rather assume it's bad and not look?
Yeah, being a pessimist means I get to be pleasantly surprised when I’m wrong.
The Asshole Splinters
This will be the name of my band
You didn't really, just bring the 3 ply with you. Enough to last the trip
OP doesn't know how to use the 3 plies
Waitl until she discovers the bidet
One of the world's greatest inventions.
Just pack for the voyage I'd say.
My plan if I go back in time is to only stay a few hours before I have to go to the bathroom.
Just go back farther, to when they used leaves and grass.
Meanwhile, the rest of us used water.