if you have creamy peanut butter but don't like creamy peanutbutter you can just add peanuts

SLPT: got a problem? Set it on fire 🔥

Feel wanted!

If you're in a fight with your father, mess with him by yelling "yeah well you're not my real father!"

SLPT: Got a porch pirate problem this holiday season? Fill an Amazon box up with dog poo and leave it out.

SLPT: Google how to do a different crime every single day. That way if you do commit a crime later in life, your search history won't give you away.

you don't have to wait for passing cars

SLPT: If you can't afford Ozempic, try fent

SLPT: Do all your criminal planning while swimming. Less chance of wires or electronic surveillance.

SLPT: when too poor to buy food, simply collect leftovers from others in a mall food court....

SLPT: Cover your hands with glue and let it dry. You now have the rough hands of a working man.

SLPT: If you are up too late, move your bed to the western most part of your house or apartment.

SLPT: If you buy a new clock or appliance, wait until noon to plug it in so you don't have to bother setting the time.

SLPT: Set your phone notification sound to the Samsung notification sound so people think you can afford expensive phones

SLPT: Floss can be rinsed and used again, just like your toothbrush

SLPT: leave extra food out for mice so they don't take your food

SLPT: Glue a dead wasp to your hand to allow you hit your boss as hard as you want.

SLPT: The name "Super Bowl" is taken, but "Super Plate", "Super Mug", "Super Fork", and "Super Carafe" are all still available to be monetized.

SLPT: Instead of making a big mess ripping out each page you have read of a book, just cross each page out with a marker.

SLPT: If you struggle to understand the lyrics to a song, most likely it's just about heroin.

SLPT: Any cash money given to you when you work a cash register is your money! It was handed over to you! You get to decide how much to keep and how much to give to the business.

SLPT: Need some space? You can yell "Get off my property!" from just about anywhere. Few people ever actually check the paperwork to prove it.

SLPT: Save your burned out light bulbs. Next time you stay at an AirB&B, switch them out for working ones.

SLPT: It's pretty easy to just follow an Amazon delivery van around and get free packages. Make a quick blue vest if you feel nervous to deflect suspicion.

SLPT: When you buy a new houseplant, take a photo of it as soon as you get home. That way, you'll be able to look back and see how poorly you've taken care of it.

SLPT: Wearing a shirt that says "For entertainment purposes only" in large letters could get you out of legal trouble for your actions

SLPT: Having trouble dating in your 30s+? Attend a class on Financially Planning for Divorce to meet wealthy people who will soon be single.

SLPT: Not happy with your living situation? It could be a lot worse. If you were on Mars you wouldn't even have enough oxygen to breathe! Venus would crush and boil you!

SLPT: Need an item? Check out stores! There are a lot of different kinds and most towns have them. It's a quick and easy way to get an item.

SLPT: If you are in a dangerous situation and someone yells "Duck!", make sure they aren't talking about the bird or you could end up looking real stupid.

SLPT: Getting ready for a first date? Wear dirty underwear with a little poo inside. This helps you resist the evils of premarital sex.

SLPT: Show your partner you know and care about their family and friends by bringing them up in the bedroom.

SLPT(xmas): If it's for a local business, you can probably just print out something that looks like a gift card. Chances are whoever you gift it to won't redeem it anyway.

SLPT: Make sure your kid's brain gets all the blood it needs by only carrying them upside down.

SLPT: Everyone loves baby animals so always try to have a wolf spider and her babies nearby!

SLPT: Double your reading efficiency by only reading even pages.

SLPT: Show interest in your friends kids by asking about them, specifically, how many years until they turn 18.

SLPT Feeling alone? You can easily make friends by going into a police station and screaming "i have a bomb", they will think youre realy funny

SLPT: Save time by wiping while pooping.

SLPT: Carry some kind of weapon on you AT ALL TIMES, and be aware of your surroundings. You never know when you could encounter a CEO

SLPT: Don't bother trying to remember to rotate your mattress every 6 months. Just sleep at a different angle every night.