None is a concern. In fact, my current therapist has been trying to assess me for autism is a very discreet way and I've made my mind on why take such a roundabout way instead of just coming clean.

Again, I have a lot of baggage from a very troubled life; it leaves scars.

I never went into therapy expecting for everything to be all roses and rainbows. I'm a big boy and can handle pain, to a point most people find disturbing, including a therapist. I was acquainted with suffering very early on and needed to develop ways to handle it, as I had nobody available and even less capable of helping. I grew up being the weird kid, kept to himself. Not that I did not want to be with others; I just had stuff in my head that completely went over theirs.

Nowadays, going into therapy I expect at least respect for my concerns. Not compassion, nor sorrow, or any demonstration of socially adequate behaviour towards my internal conflicts. I expect an approach that somehow can give me a guidance or a tool to navigate my mind out of the knots it created.

I sincerely hope you can keep going strong in your journey.

Good luck on that. I wish I could. One in particular said would not be receiving me again as they were not to be questioned on their practice.

Nah!

I do not live with anything. I'm an average person, with a very troubled past, in need to unpack a lot of things that I am aware hurt me along the way. I am not struggling with PTSD, autism, ADHD or any other condition to my life and perception, which I have multiple times been very concrete about and been ignored about.

Two very grim examples I can provide:

• I'm a very fast thinker and talker; I had to develop this capability in order to provide justifications or backgrounds to save myself from violence. This generated a subroutine in my mind to try at any cost to appease in every single interaction, to the point I knowingly accept being trampled over just to avoid conflict. This fosters anger and difficulty to manage it and navigate healthy interactions where the other person try to be a bit pushy and I am not willing to be rolled over. This is not healthy. It has actively hindered me in my life. I stated this openly, in deep detail, to at least three professionals. Only one addressed it has being something that should be addressed. But later.

• I'm highly adverse and suspicious of authority. Not in the sense that I want a lawless society or to abolish police and courts but in the sense that in order for me to accept someone's authority, the other person needs to show the authority they have is based off respect and cooperation. I spent years thinking I could not work in a team setting. I work better when alone, as I can take all the risks and consequences of my decisions, with no risk of endangering or harming others. I loathe having to take responsibility over others, I hate the hierarchy narrative that is force fed to every single human being since the cradle, as if people are incapable of using higher cognitive functions and instead need to be shepherded around by "superior" individuals, because they can not go beyond their reptilian brain. One day, in a fit of rage, against myself, over the idiotic behaviour of a coworker, I got a very shy agreement that my attitude is what makes good leaders but, again, not something I should be concerning myself with.

I have to be a bit distraught over the process, at this point.

In nearly 20 years I risk I've met around 10 professionals. Statistically, I should I have met someone who I could be able to work with and progress. It has not happened. It becomes tiresome.

Thanks for the insight and I wish everything good to you.

Exactly. Like a compass or the North Star. We make the journey; sometimes we just need the help to find the way.